Venting I was planning to do it today but my mom just texted me today that she loves me

[dogemn]

I took some 10mg metoclopramide like 8 hours ago and 2.5mg xanax an hour ago. In a few hours I plan on going to a motel close to my house and rent a room for a few hours and take SN following the PPeH guide. My mom texted me today that she loves me and that I'm the most important person in her life out of nowhere and it makes me feel so horrible about this and I'm not sure what to do but I've been feeling so much unbearable pain constantly for years to no end and I just wanna put a stop to it. What should I do? I feel stuck
edit: typos

 

[GabrielMen]

It sounds like your mom is an awesome person and it would be a tragedy if she loses her son but I think the only thing that really matters is your own well being and if you are unhappy and wanna cbt, then you shouldn't consider other people's feelings, just consider your own feelings. I know pain so I think it's extremately fair if you cbt so don't feel bad about it. I wish you good luck on your plan

 

[TheCallOfTheStars]

It's normal to feel guilty for leaving people behind like this, I mean I'd definitely feel the same way the day that I ctb. Though ultimately your life is your choice and so you should decide whether ctb is the right choice. Ultimately your wellbeing should come first and I wish you the best of luck with your plan.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Regardless of what you do, you should think hard about what to say and send her some thoughtful words back. People get sad and look over last words of their loved ones a lot.

 

[rs929]

It sounds like your mom is an awesome person and it would be a tragedy if she loses her son but I think the only thing that really matters is your own well being and if you are unhappy and wanna cbt, then you shouldn't consider other people's feelings, just consider your own feelings. I know pain so I think it's extremately fair if you cbt so don't feel bad about it. I wish you good luck on your plan

I wish it was so easy as "just consider your own feelings".

 

[Alice.]

if she really loves you she would want to understand what you're going through, which means she would accept that you wish to die.