I did overdose on 2cb,because I didn't weigh it properly and throught that it was much smaller dose. My heart rate was around 150 nonstop and I was fading out. I knew I was so close to death, that my mind was in a mode where survival was the only thing I could think of, so I called the hospital even though now I wish I didn't.
I knew the concequences, now I lost access to all my weed and psychadelics, which is honestly one of the last things in my life that was making it bearable. Some people in the hospital were very rude with me and treated me like a junkie, they even made me do pee sample two times beacause first time was too clear from all the water I drinked. They also did no care about how much pain I was in and when I said that I need water because my throat was dry they did no give it to me, which was very painful.
The state itself was strange. I remember in movie Saw 2 the guy talks about the thrill of being close to death and I think I know it now. The psychadelics made it scarier and I had an ego death. But the more uncertain I was about survival the more interesting it was, I felt very alive.
There was also some strange metaphysical aspect to it probably because of the psychadelics, I somehow knew it wasn't a coincidence I took that much. I saw it from different times and dimensions and knew, that it was my desire to die that sort of "attracted" this situation. I know how crazy it sounds.
At times I completely let go of caring, accepting whatever outcome will happen. It was very freeing and I was just letting everything unfold. On the way to hospital it was hard for me to take how condescending everyone is to me and I wanted to die, I was regretting calling that stupid ambulance, because of my stupid irrational survival instinct. For a while I was even considering biting through my tongue, but doing that in a hospital would just mean they would give me blood and I would lose tongue, so luckily I did not do that.
I'm more ready to die than ever. After consequences with my family about what had happen, my life is even more fucked than before. I'm ready to attempt for real, I know that all the pain I was feeling back than is something I have a capacity to go through. I'm ready to attempt for real now. Death is something I cannot escape, so it will be better to be over with it.
This time I calles for help, but next time I will make sure I won't have access to my phone to call anyone. They just made me feel uncomfortable, dying alone would be much mote dignified than dying in a hospital.
Regarding the state of being close to death, it is something I want back now. Surviving this was one of most disappointing things tha ever happened to me.
I knew the concequences, now I lost access to all my weed and psychadelics, which is honestly one of the last things in my life that was making it bearable. Some people in the hospital were very rude with me and treated me like a junkie, they even made me do pee sample two times beacause first time was too clear from all the water I drinked. They also did no care about how much pain I was in and when I said that I need water because my throat was dry they did no give it to me, which was very painful.
The state itself was strange. I remember in movie Saw 2 the guy talks about the thrill of being close to death and I think I know it now. The psychadelics made it scarier and I had an ego death. But the more uncertain I was about survival the more interesting it was, I felt very alive.
There was also some strange metaphysical aspect to it probably because of the psychadelics, I somehow knew it wasn't a coincidence I took that much. I saw it from different times and dimensions and knew, that it was my desire to die that sort of "attracted" this situation. I know how crazy it sounds.
At times I completely let go of caring, accepting whatever outcome will happen. It was very freeing and I was just letting everything unfold. On the way to hospital it was hard for me to take how condescending everyone is to me and I wanted to die, I was regretting calling that stupid ambulance, because of my stupid irrational survival instinct. For a while I was even considering biting through my tongue, but doing that in a hospital would just mean they would give me blood and I would lose tongue, so luckily I did not do that.
I'm more ready to die than ever. After consequences with my family about what had happen, my life is even more fucked than before. I'm ready to attempt for real, I know that all the pain I was feeling back than is something I have a capacity to go through. I'm ready to attempt for real now. Death is something I cannot escape, so it will be better to be over with it.
This time I calles for help, but next time I will make sure I won't have access to my phone to call anyone. They just made me feel uncomfortable, dying alone would be much mote dignified than dying in a hospital.
Regarding the state of being close to death, it is something I want back now. Surviving this was one of most disappointing things tha ever happened to me.
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