I was honest and direct with my mother

[whatevs]

It felt good to talk about it so candidly. "I'm not sure that I appreciate/like existing/living."

I just stated it very clearly and several times. I fear death, but this shitshow deserves no respect, no awe. From society to biology, cruelty is the name of the game. There is something inherently crooked in whatever that we are, whatever that this is. There are species of parasitic wasps that mind-control spiders so they become both a walking pantry and a construction worker for their offspring. They feed on the spider and the spider weaves their nest.

Spiders themselves are notoriously creepy, with their particularly controlling and sneaky feeding tactic. But even them can become victims. It's like this world is some sort of hellish realm that doesn't need demons with pitchforks because we are here taking turns at torturing each other through strife related to popularity, money, sex, space, etc. All animals are both demons and doomed souls in this analogy.

OK, I found something equally as disturbing, it's not hard to find these things:



What was the response she had? That I had to ignore these thoughts and feelings. But, these fucking thoughts and feelings are the realest fucking thing I have grasped at in these years of going through the bog, through the mist. I WANT to feel good and like life, I just don't. I simply fear death or am not sure being dead is better so I stick around uncomfortably.

 

[whatevs]

This world is truly horrible and scary

Seriously, these fucking blood-sucking critters are very disturbing. Every time I look into this kind of thing I find some new nightmarish situation or horrifying creature.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

The nature of this world is truly HORRIBLE
The thing is, the "life is beautiful" people are too busy to see the horrors of this world in nature

 

[Nightmare Painting]

You have to live a privileged life or live in some combination of lies, denial, and distractions to find this world to be acceptable as it is. People pretend that the bad things don't exist so that they can keep trudging through to the next day.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

Yeah I'm with you on that. I am not comfortable dragging this life on and witnissing the atrocities.

People say they're "curious" and so they live on. Curious? Not... Um... Horrified ? The world forced you to become selectively empathetic, because there is so much suffering that if you felt it all at once your mind would implode.

 

[whatevs]

You have to live a privileged life or live in some combination of lies, denial, and distractions to find this world to be acceptable as it is. People pretend that the bad things don't exist so that they can keep trudging through to the next day.

Quite literally, since I was told that was the best way to deal with my existential angst, not think about it and focus on something else.

 

[Cathy Ames]

It felt good to talk about it so candidly. "I'm not sure that I appreciate/like existing/living."

I just stated it very clearly and several times. I fear death, but this shitshow deserves no respect, no awe. From society to biology, cruelty is the name of the game. There is something inherently crooked in whatever that we are, whatever that this is. There are species of parasitic wasps that mind-control spiders so they become both a walking pantry and a construction worker for their offspring. They feed on the spider and the spider weaves their nest.

What was the response she had? That I had to ignore these thoughts and feelings. But, these fucking thoughts and feelings are the realest fucking thing I have grasped at in these years of going through the bog, through the mist. I WANT to feel good and like life, I just don't. I simply fear death or am not sure being dead is better so I stick around uncomfortably.

I have to say, "well done" for being your honest, authentic self with another person, which I think is the healthiest way to live (not that I actually do it, mind you). She missed an opportunity to get to know and understand you better.

 

[whatevs]

I have to say, "well done" for being your honest, authentic self with another person, which I think is the healthiest way to live (not that I actually do it, mind you). She missed an opportunity to get to know and understand you better.

Well, to my mother's merit, she does let me explain myself often, just this time I noticed some discomfort when I went in for the kill conceptually, expounding my conundrum without buffers.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Well, to my mother's merit, she does let me explain myself often, just this time I noticed some discomfort when I went in for the kill conceptually, expounding my conundrum without buffers.

It's a difficult topic for many. I think people panic sometimes to hear it discussed. I always admired the people who were strong enough to come out and start talking about it. Even if I didn't necessarily reciprocate, I learned there were others like me.

 

[Nawww-Im-So-Done]

I have actually been honest with a few people recently as well. Experience has done a pretty good job teaching me how dangerous that is, but I was actually interested in sticking around in this body (I have forgotten why) and so after months of subtly begging for help I decided to bluntly ask for it. Well, what I got for my effort was a mixture of how all my pain is my fault, lectures on how more effort on my part would fix everything (I mean, WTF? Like I haven't tried with everything in me???) and a few empty promises that changes would be made in my living situation. Nothing is better, things just continue spiraling into the abyss.

My God, I am so sick of crying all the time.