Vex_ation
Sad bitch extraordinaire
- Jun 11, 2025
- 5
I've been wanting to die since before I understood the concept of death and for some stupid reason I thought if I could become successful in art I could finally be happy. I tried so fucking hard even though no one supported me. I even got close, I was in a university, I was good, I had 2 different charcoal workings in a gallery you had to win positions in.
I struggled with the paperwork, asked for help and was told to just figure it out. I tried my best.
I was constantly harassed at work and my dad would tell me to quit and when I finally did he was pissed. He didn't care about the fear and the injuries. He only listened when I threatened myself and wouldn't tell him where I was, prior he refused to believe I was depressed. He's a therapist.
He sent me to a hospital for a week and it made me worse so he found a different one and I was there in patient for 5 and outpatient another 4. I told him and his wife that if I came home they had to treat me like a adult and not their servant. They said no.
I moved in with my grandma, I tried to keep going to school with a commute of over 50 miles and no job. Grandma started drinking and doing drugs. She said cruel and horrible things to me, she told me to leave. I found a job and I did. I didn't have the time or capacity for school anymore, I gave up a full ride.
I stupidly got into a polyamorous relationship with two people I thought I could trust. I moved across the country with them with no money, no job, and no car, only hope for a chance at a simple domestic life. It's been 2 years, everything in my life falls apart after 2 years.
One of them is a good man, he's been kind and patient if autistic as hell. The other has utterly emotionally neglected me, has found a new man and added him to the polycule with no one's consent, and has apparently gotten engaged to this man after less than 6 months knowing each other. I'm not even allowed to meet my bfs family.
I know I need to break it off with him because I don't deserve this but I'm so tired of restarting my life, over and over again. It gets shittier with every iteration. I won't be able to live in a house with him and I know my other bf won't ever leave him. I'm the tag-a-long, the third wheel, and 50% of our poverty level income. The jerk doesn't even work.
Before this happened I think I was happy? I was doing okay, I didn't feel the desperation to end it at least. Just the quiet sadness, because I know I wasted my potential. I don't know if I can overcome my SI but at this point it's all I want.
It's not a great example but I did a small drawing recently to test some new pastels I got, I've included it with this. I've given up drawing at this point if I'm being honest. Haven't really wanted to since dropping out, but I figured I'd show at least something as a thank you for reading. Please be kind.
I struggled with the paperwork, asked for help and was told to just figure it out. I tried my best.
I was constantly harassed at work and my dad would tell me to quit and when I finally did he was pissed. He didn't care about the fear and the injuries. He only listened when I threatened myself and wouldn't tell him where I was, prior he refused to believe I was depressed. He's a therapist.
He sent me to a hospital for a week and it made me worse so he found a different one and I was there in patient for 5 and outpatient another 4. I told him and his wife that if I came home they had to treat me like a adult and not their servant. They said no.
I moved in with my grandma, I tried to keep going to school with a commute of over 50 miles and no job. Grandma started drinking and doing drugs. She said cruel and horrible things to me, she told me to leave. I found a job and I did. I didn't have the time or capacity for school anymore, I gave up a full ride.
I stupidly got into a polyamorous relationship with two people I thought I could trust. I moved across the country with them with no money, no job, and no car, only hope for a chance at a simple domestic life. It's been 2 years, everything in my life falls apart after 2 years.
One of them is a good man, he's been kind and patient if autistic as hell. The other has utterly emotionally neglected me, has found a new man and added him to the polycule with no one's consent, and has apparently gotten engaged to this man after less than 6 months knowing each other. I'm not even allowed to meet my bfs family.
I know I need to break it off with him because I don't deserve this but I'm so tired of restarting my life, over and over again. It gets shittier with every iteration. I won't be able to live in a house with him and I know my other bf won't ever leave him. I'm the tag-a-long, the third wheel, and 50% of our poverty level income. The jerk doesn't even work.
Before this happened I think I was happy? I was doing okay, I didn't feel the desperation to end it at least. Just the quiet sadness, because I know I wasted my potential. I don't know if I can overcome my SI but at this point it's all I want.
It's not a great example but I did a small drawing recently to test some new pastels I got, I've included it with this. I've given up drawing at this point if I'm being honest. Haven't really wanted to since dropping out, but I figured I'd show at least something as a thank you for reading. Please be kind.
even though you haven't been on it for years, the pose looks so dinamic, and the coloring is very yummy. Exploit the reach you can get on the internet and see how you feel after
