Venting I was depressed because I was poor, I got a job, but I'm still depressed

[graysme]

I've always been poor since I've had consciousness. The only money I or my family made in our lives was purely based on luck. Now I'm old enough to get a job. I'm at my last year of my university degree, and after an internship a company offered to hire me, and I accepted.
I've attended an internship for 4 months without getting paid, basically working full-time for free because that's how it works in my country. It's part of the path to get my degree, so I did it anyway without complaining. I actually kind of liked it, because it made me learn something and I wasn't really pressed since they didn't even pay me. Also, it's a chill office job where I get to rarely talk to people.

Now, I'm getting paid to do the exact same thing I did for the past 4 months, but it's making me more miserable than ever, and I don't know why. I feel locked in. I feel like I don't have time for myself. Thinking about myself being in this position for the rest of my life feels like a nightmare. I didn't even get to see my first paycheck, maybe that will calm me down a little bit, but still, I feel stripped of my creativity, energy, and will to do anything. I feel like a nobody, like a cog in the system that is replaceable and forgettable after it gets rusty.

I thought this event would be life changing for me. Finally I can buy this and that; finally I don't have to worry about how I'm going to pay the bills this month. But it all feels worthless anyway in the end? My mind is always focused on saving up because I've been hard-coded like this from my upbringing, so I wouldn't spend much of what I earn anyway. What sense does life have at this point? Is this normal? Does every adult feel like this?

 

[drop]

Have you ever seen the youtube video called "Nuggets" by Filmbilder & Friends? Look it up.

It seems to me you recieved such a big nugget that your happiness went away fast. The bigger the dopamine release the shorter it will last. Your brain senses a huge dopamine spike and is now trying regulate that now. Might be time to have things mellow out. Do small goals and don't try to reach that high for a while till you feel that you are ready.

 

[targz]

I think this is a great example on why humanity and our goals are a complete non-starter, satisfaction is always one promotion away :(

 

[wiggy]

I remember the dread the game over me the first few days I actually had to work a full 8 hours. I felt like it was an absurd amount of time to be confined in an office, and that I simply didn't have the constitution to tolerate it. Fast forward a few years and I'm able to string together multiple 60-80 hour weeks without batting an eye. Paradoxically, I've found that work is less emotionally draining when the work is difficult and there's a high amount of demand.

 

[theboy]

Mental health has no economic status

People with little or a lot of money have been in psychiatric hospitals