Venting "I want you to be okay, because I'm not"

[outerspaceangel999]

This is what my dad told me today when I mentioned we look alike. I know I have to expect people being sad when I pass but I feel so fucking guilty hearing him say this, while I have been planning my suicide for months now. My date is supposed to be in like 20 days or so. I don't know what to do. I need to stay alive for him but I don't know how to help him, or myself. He's got no one. He has no friends, and is going through a divorce, but I'm not even sure I won't impulsively throw myself off a cliff in the next two months.
I just needed to get that out to someone so thank you to anyone who read this

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry and sad for your situation. I wish I knew what I could say to help but it's such a difficult circumstance. I guess it's natural for our parents to want us to be ok but, it's not always that practical or possible. Do you think he might be suicidal too?

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I don't know you, your father or your situation but your father's sentence sounds so sweet to me, and so vulnerable. Really tugs at the heartstrings.
I'm sorry you're both in a hard situation...a divorce must be so hard...
Maybe I'm dreaming wildly but would there be any chance of you and your father uniting and trying to create a better life for the two of you?

 

[outerspaceangel999]

I don't know you, your father or your situation but your father's sentence sounds so sweet to me, and so vulnerable. Really tugs at the heartstrings.
I'm sorry you're both in a hard situation...a divorce must be so hard...
Maybe I'm dreaming wildly but would there be any chance of you and your father uniting and trying to create a better life for the two of you?

Thank you for your message, it's really nice but sadly I feel this is impossible. My dad refuses to talk to me most of the time now, he's always stressed and angry and sad at the same time so we're drifting even farther than we were before. I also never told him about my mental health issues. There are a few times he has asked recently, but I don't want to make his situation worse. No one wants a depressed child, obviously.
I'm trying to help him tho, but sadly nothing's really in my control. I try to just be there I guess

 

[outerspaceangel999]

I'm so sorry and sad for your situation. I wish I knew what I could say to help but it's such a difficult circumstance. I guess it's natural for our parents to want us to be ok but, it's not always that practical or possible. Do you think he might be suicidal too?

I'm afraid so, yeah. He currently can't work (at least until mid-august) and isn't advised to drive, since he talked to his psychiatrist. I'll be honest, it's a bit of a scary situation to be in. I don't necessarily believe he has planned to do anything but he's very impulsive so it's always in the back of my mind.