orpheus_
Member
- Apr 26, 2024
- 20
I am slowly putting together a plan of leaving using SN soon. I have one friend very close to me who knows about it, but I know she won't snitch on me (also she doesn't know the details).
However my two other friends, who I only know online (we rarely meet because they live in different parts of the country) don't know. We kind of lost contact over the last year since I have been feeling worse and worse and didn't want to bother them or had the energy to keep in touch, we almost stopped talking but we text sometimes. I excused myself with being busy with university work (lies, I mean I started uni but I don't study at all). But they are still very dear to me and I know they are hoping to restore our friendship during summer when everyone has more free time. I probably won't even be alive then, hopefully.
They meant a lot in my life and there are many things I would like to tell them.. I really want to send messages/notes to them before I CTB, telling them everything I wanted to say. Thanking them for everything.
At the same time I know it will be better for them if our friendship just naturally fades away. If I stop texting back one day, they may just not think much about it since we don't keep regular contact anyway. But if I send them a goodbye message? hell, that would immediately reveal that I CTBd. I don't want them to know that I'm dead. Especially since they're both very emotional, compassionate people and I know it would be heartbreaking for them if they knew how I died.
I was thinking about sending them messages or talking to them before I go, but not strictly in a goodbye-note manner. Like just to thank them and wish them luck. Still I feel like it could be suspicious. They don't know much about my problems since I mostly keep to myself. They have their own mental and physical health issues, much more serious than mine, but as far as I know they want to recover and I don't want to interfere with that.
In the end, I don't want to disturb them. I'm just sad that I can't say goodbye. I would love to hug them one last time, but they live too far away and we probably won't meet in person ever again.
However my two other friends, who I only know online (we rarely meet because they live in different parts of the country) don't know. We kind of lost contact over the last year since I have been feeling worse and worse and didn't want to bother them or had the energy to keep in touch, we almost stopped talking but we text sometimes. I excused myself with being busy with university work (lies, I mean I started uni but I don't study at all). But they are still very dear to me and I know they are hoping to restore our friendship during summer when everyone has more free time. I probably won't even be alive then, hopefully.
They meant a lot in my life and there are many things I would like to tell them.. I really want to send messages/notes to them before I CTB, telling them everything I wanted to say. Thanking them for everything.
At the same time I know it will be better for them if our friendship just naturally fades away. If I stop texting back one day, they may just not think much about it since we don't keep regular contact anyway. But if I send them a goodbye message? hell, that would immediately reveal that I CTBd. I don't want them to know that I'm dead. Especially since they're both very emotional, compassionate people and I know it would be heartbreaking for them if they knew how I died.
I was thinking about sending them messages or talking to them before I go, but not strictly in a goodbye-note manner. Like just to thank them and wish them luck. Still I feel like it could be suspicious. They don't know much about my problems since I mostly keep to myself. They have their own mental and physical health issues, much more serious than mine, but as far as I know they want to recover and I don't want to interfere with that.
In the end, I don't want to disturb them. I'm just sad that I can't say goodbye. I would love to hug them one last time, but they live too far away and we probably won't meet in person ever again.
