Venting I WANT TO, NEED TO CTB

[Unattainable666]

I am at a point now when I wake up in the morning the depression is overwhelming. It means I'm still alive. What I wouldn't give to just die in my sleep. I have a method (charcoal) it's a bit overwhelming with what I need to do to actually physically get to my location. I'm not afraid of dying I have nothing here but stress, pain, tears, loneliness. I'm TERRIFIED of failure. What would I do if I fail??? I would be homeless, no money, no way to obtain the things I would need to retry ctb. I'm a grown adult, I've made a decision to die, why does it have to be s odifficult? I lay in bed nearly catatonic, unable to move, I don't go out unless I have to, I have no life, I don't want to be here. I want to go home to be with Chris - this is so overdue - I should have done this years ago. Living is a punishment -it is pure hell for me.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you eventually find the freedom you search for from your hellish situation, I see it as being so cruel how we cannot just leave this world in an guaranteed way with the knowledge that everything is finally coming to an end, failing suicide also sounds horrible to me, I also wish suicide was as easy as just choosing to never wake again.