Help i want to make it look like an accident

[iwantdeath6969]

i desperately want to ctb but i know it will hurt my loved ones. one of my dad's best friends just successfully ctb, and they've been devastated and angry at him, and i don't want to make them feel the same way. i have no idea what would be the best method for that, the method i've been planning on doing was slashing my arms open in the bath (i SH extremely violently so i have no doubt that i'll be able to go deep enough) but obviously that can't be explained away. i've been thinking of other ways to go, and i can't think of any.

i honestly am not even prioritizing a peaceful ending, the more i suffer the better in my opinion. the only thing i would worry about would be SI kicking in, but i know that i deserve pain and regularly try to put myself through the most excruciating pain that i can, so i might have a better chance of staying with any pain. i really dont want to ingest something though, i have a weird phobia of throwing up.

i've wanted this for the past 10 years, and for the past 4 years i've been torturing myself as much as i can stand. but no matter what i put myself through, it never is enough pain to make up for the bad that i cause in my loved ones' lives. i can see that me being in peoples lives brings them strange new pain and bad circumstances start happening to them. i have horrible luck as well. i can tell that i'm not supposed to be here, and i feel like when i go, the entire earth will finally be able to begin healing. at least everyone around me will be positively affected even though they don't realize it yet. people will be temporarily hurt, but after a while they're going to be relieved that i'm no longer in their lives. but i still want to cause the least amount of pain possible to them, so i'm hoping to make it look like an accident when i ctb.

 

[downndone2]

I want mine to appear the same but hard to do and accident investigators are good at what they do. Maybe a fall

 

[iwantdeath6969]

I want mine to appear the same but hard to do and accident investigators are good at what they do. Maybe a fall

that might work, yeah

 

[rest in peace]

i desperately want to ctb but i know it will hurt my loved ones. one of my dad's best friends just successfully ctb, and they've been devastated and angry at him, and i don't want to make them feel the same way. i have no idea what would be the best method for that, the method i've been planning on doing was slashing my arms open in the bath (i SH extremely violently so i have no doubt that i'll be able to go deep enough) but obviously that can't be explained away. i've been thinking of other ways to go, and i can't think of any.

i honestly am not even prioritizing a peaceful ending, the more i suffer the better in my opinion. the only thing i would worry about would be SI kicking in, but i know that i deserve pain and regularly try to put myself through the most excruciating pain that i can, so i might have a better chance of staying with any pain. i really dont want to ingest something though, i have a weird phobia of throwing up.

i've wanted this for the past 10 years, and for the past 4 years i've been torturing myself as much as i can stand. but no matter what i put myself through, it never is enough pain to make up for the bad that i cause in my loved ones' lives. i can see that me being in peoples lives brings them strange new pain and bad circumstances start happening to them. i have horrible luck as well. i can tell that i'm not supposed to be here, and i feel like when i go, the entire earth will finally be able to begin healing. at least everyone around me will be positively affected even though they don't realize it yet. people will be temporarily hurt, but after a while they're going to be relieved that i'm no longer in their lives. but i still want to cause the least amount of pain possible to them, so i'm hoping to make it look like an accident when i ctb.

there is probably no way to *not* hurt your loved ones by dying, whether it is by ctb or not.

 

[iwantdeath6969]

there is probably no way to *not* hurt your loved ones by dying, whether it is by ctb or not.

that's fair. i guess it's inevitable, but i'm sure that they'll at least be happy about it eventually

 

[Scythe]

SN might work...idk how it'll go in the hospital inspection but if you are randomly found dead after a night and nobody finds the SN they might let it go as an accident? If the hospital was only able to find that you died for eating something, but isn't sure what, your family will likely think it's an accident. Unless they know you are suicidal, which if they do, there's pretty much no way for you to make your death look like an accident.
There's also making tea with poisonous plants and cooking deadly mushroom stew and making it look like you're just making yourself some refreshments.

 

[Kalkofnsvegur]

i feel the same way. if i can't stage it as an accident, i think i might just wander out into the forest happily and ctb if i can conjure up the guts and money for inert gas.
feeling really guilty though, as my youngest sister is only 6 years old

 

[rest in peace]

that's fair. i guess it's inevitable, but i'm sure that they'll at least be happy about it eventually

i dont really think they would. unfortunately life and death are just like that

 

[iwantdeath6969]

SN might work...idk how it'll go in the hospital inspection but if you are randomly found dead after a night and nobody finds the SN they might let it go as an accident? If the hospital was only able to find that you died for eating something, but isn't sure what, your family will likely think it's an accident. Unless they know you are suicidal, which if they do, there's pretty much no way for you to make your death look like an accident.
There's also making tea with poisonous plants and cooking deadly mushroom stew and making it look like you're just making yourself some refreshments.

yeah, i should look into sn. it seems like a pretty good way to go

i feel the same way. if i can't stage it as an accident, i think i might just wander out into the forest happily and ctb if i can conjure up the guts and money for inert gas.
feeling really guilty though, as my youngest sister is only 6 years old

i think going into the forest would be nice. being surrounded by the trees would be comforting, and i've always wanted my body to decompose properly when i go