I want to live... but NOT like this.

[dandan]

I had social depressive issues since 16 yo, im 36yo, and maybe those social depressive issues will never dissapear

Is difficult to enjoy the day. At work I am not able to complete BASIC task like creating a document.

I am now poor, and I lost a LOT of money so yes money is an issue in my mind/Life. Having to work 8 hours a day for the rest of my life vs not having to work... BIG difference!!

Not able to have a relationship with a beautiful woman, because I have such emotional suicidal issues. I'm a suicidal good looking guy.

I want to live.... but not like this.... What can I do? In 20 years looking for a solution and I've found none! that is why ctb seems appropriate... any suggestions/comments?

 

[Maomao]

Good day my friend. Trust me I get it man, I grew up with very serious issues in my life and I fought through so many things to get to the point where I love(d) life- travelling the world (China and Japan) being around beautiful sweet women , learning new languages, a new career,great friendships and more! Despite dealing with addiction and OCD I was truly fulfilled.
But then in October I did something -(it was something sexual) that may not have bothered other people but with my addictive tendencies and horrific OCD my mind is destroying me...
I now struggle to do the smallest tasks, I suck at my job now, I can't enjoy music, movies, friends, travel.....ANYTHING, I'm so broken hearted and everyday I wake up to shame and my mind berating me and extremely fearful I'm just going to keep escalating, which I now have a terrible sex addiction which I already had but it's gotten worse.
I want so badly to go to sleep and not wake up, like Samurai who killed there selves when they messed up, I've betrayed my values and principles and I keep watching myself escalate more and more and it's breaking my heart into a million pieces, I'm a shell of myself and I want so bad to get better, I just don't know how. CtB would help

 

[dandan]

Good day my friend. .......

Oh man, im sorry for your experience, come one, get over it... its just a sexual experience. I do understand the fact that it comes and hurts in your mind, like an intrusive unwanted thought that causes you so much discomfort... im sorry something like that can hurt so bad....

I understand wanting to go to sleep and never waking up!! I do! but come on my friend... damm you have an obsessive mind. sorry for that... medication doesnt help??

CTB might be the way for me to finally get some rest..

 

[Maomao]

Oh man, im sorry for your experience, come one, get over it... its just a sexual experience. I do understand the fact that it comes and hurts in your mind, like an intrusive unwanted thought that causes you so much discomfort... im sorry something like that can hurt so bad....

I understand wanting to go to sleep and never waking up!! I do! but come on my friend... damm you have an obsessive mind. sorry for that... medication doesnt help??

CTB might be the way for me to finally get some rest..

Man I've never taken medication, I wonder if it could help, I have just started seeing a therapist for sex addiction and attendance SAA meetings but yeah OCD attacks the mind and what we fear most and it can get extremely difficult to carry on a normal life.

Man I hope you're able to find peace in life and be happy I hate for anyone to experience pain like I have man

 

[dandan]

....

Man I hope you're able to find peace in life and be happy ....

Thanks for your wishes but I feel hope is gone, that's why I'm here.... In my case ctb seems like best choice , using N