• ⚠️ UK Access Block Notice: Beginning July 1, 2025, this site will no longer be accessible from the United Kingdom. This is a voluntary decision made by the site's administrators. We were not forced or ordered to implement this block. If you're located in the UK, we recommend using a VPN to maintain access.

vampire2002

vampire2002

weeb & neet ♡
Oct 8, 2023
154
i honestly just want to lie in bed and not eat or drink anything until i die. make it look like a freak accident and i died in my sleep. but i've heard it's really hard to purposefully ctb from starvation before. i have anorexia (that i've been trying to recover from) and have tried this before several times over the years, but always ended up failing. however, i'm cowardly and need an easy and inexpensive method, something that doesn't scare me, something not so difficult to obtain as N/SN. i think this might be something i have to try multiple times until i can actually do it, but maybe i can succeed.

i'm already underweight as well, even after gaining 15lbs during recovery, so there's the possibility i'll be able to die from complications related to that, especially if doing this will allow me to drop more weight. i think if i get to a very low weight again i might be able to get my body to shut down on itself.

however, there is one part i would feel terrible about. my boyfriend's last girlfriend before me was also anorexic and died the same way. i don't know if i have it in me to cause the same pain to them again. i don't really feel too bad about hurting anyone else, my family and i have a strained relationship, but my bf is so dear to me and always tries so hard to support me and help me through my mental issues. but i feel like too much damage has been done and i'm too far gone and i'm only more of a burden when i'm alive and i'm not getting better despite years of therapy and being on medications. i'm feeling torn over this.
 
  • Like
  • Love
  • Hugs
Reactions: wiinterfrost, eian, seekingrelease22 and 4 others
wondering&wandering

wondering&wandering

Too often I think about the nature of thinking...
Jan 12, 2024
267
Wish I could help. All I can do is wish you peace in whatever happens!
 
theboy

theboy

Illuminated
Jul 15, 2022
3,252
i suffered from pandemic anorexia. now, i seem to be obsessing about my appearance again. dying that way doesn't sound peaceful. pm if you want to.
 

Similar threads

usernamesarehard
Venting I want to die
Replies
2
Views
225
Suicide Discussion
TheOA34
T
GUZMA
Replies
5
Views
309
Suicide Discussion
alwaysalone
A
albert_camus
Venting relapse
Replies
0
Views
171
Suicide Discussion
albert_camus
albert_camus
CerebralVortex
Replies
0
Views
149
Suicide Discussion
CerebralVortex
CerebralVortex
microwaved_dawg
Replies
0
Views
218
Suicide Discussion
microwaved_dawg
microwaved_dawg