I want to leave in peace

[Mt1712]

Hello everyone,

I know this must have been asked hundreds of times, but I'm trying anyway.
I have an incurable disease, and I'm not strong enough to live with it.
But I'm also not very courageous, even though I know I want to end it.
What do you think is the safest and least painful way? I know this is probably a stupid question and has been asked hundreds of times, but I'm trying because I really need help.
Thank you all.

 

[unluckysadness]

Hi, i feel you as I must live with a rare disease too. Doctors say it's incurable and I cannot handle it anymore. But i cannot kill myself now. Survival instinct is too strong. SItuation is getting worse day after day and I know I must leave but it's so unfair !! The least painful way is the "gold standard" pentobarbital, but close to 0% chance to get it. So we're trapped here until there is another peaceful alternative.

May I ask you since how many years you must struggle with this disease ? I struggle since more than 5 years, that's enough. I've suffered all my life and it's time for peace now. I wish you good luck

 

[Mt1712]

Hi, i feel you as I must live with a rare disease too. Doctors say it's incurable and I cannot handle it anymore. But i cannot kill myself now. Survival instinct is too strong. SItuation is getting worse day after day and I know I must leave but it's so unfair !! The least painful way is the "gold standard" pentobarbital, but close to 0% chance to get it. So we're trapped here until there is another peaceful alternative.

May I ask you since how many years you must struggle with this disease ? I struggle since more than 5 years, that's enough. I've suffered all my life and it's time for peace now. I wish you good luck

I'm exactly the same, it's been less than 3 years, but things have deteriorated so quickly that it's reached a point where I suffer mentally every day, I don't live, I survive because I'm afraid of death, but I don't want this life... our stories are very close. I don't know about you, but I loved life, it's an illness that ruined everything

 

[unluckysadness]

I'm exactly the same, it's been less than 3 years, but things have deteriorated so quickly that it's reached a point where I suffer mentally every day, I don't live, I survive because I'm afraid of death, but I don't want this life... our stories are very close. I don't know about you, but I loved life, it's an illness that ruined everything

I've suffered in this life since I was born (I'm 43 now) so I cannot understand what it is to have a happy life. It's always been shitty with so much pain. Severe anxiety ruined my life (it was the beginning of the end...) I wish us some relief if we are not able to ctb right now

 

[Mt1712]

It's the anxiety the culprit of your illness ? For me it s the case

 

[Sweet Tart]

Living with chronic illness is really hard! For so many reasons. And then there are even more reasons on top of that, related specifically to whatever illness it is.

Do you participate in any forums for people with your condition (or for people with chronic illness more generally)? Sometimes having community with others in the same boat is what gets me thru he day.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find freedom from suffering, it really sounds like you've suffered so unbearably and it's just so cruel to me how there's all this extreme pain and suffering in existing, I also just wish for peace, peace from this existence is all I want.

 

[Mt1712]

Living with chronic illness is really hard! For so many reasons. And then there are even more reasons on top of that, related specifically to whatever illness it is.

Do you participate in any forums for people with your condition (or for people with chronic illness more generally)? Sometimes having community with others in the same boat is what gets me thru he day.

Yes, I have made contact with people, but the illness is getting worse and I am not being helped at all medically. I don't want to complain more than I should, there are people who are going through much worse things, but physically and mentally it has become much too hard for me. :(

I hope you find freedom from suffering, it really sounds like you've suffered so unbearably and it's just so cruel to me how there's all this extreme pain and suffering in existing, I also just wish for peace, peace from this existence is all I want.

Thank you so much for your message I totally agree with you knowing there are worse things but I am exhausted from all of this. You are all so kind on this site

 

[Alexandra0]

Hi. I also suffer from a chronic disease that constantly torments me. I'm sorry that fate is so cruel to you. This world is unfair. I think firearms are a very peaceful way

 

[Sweet Tart]

Yes, I have made contact with people, but the illness is getting worse and I am not being helped at all medically. I don't want to complain more than I should, there are people who are going through much worse things, but physically and mentally it has become much too hard for me. :(

Thank you so much for your message I totally agree with you knowing there are worse things but I am exhausted from all of this. You are all so kind on this site

I don't think there is limit on how much we are allowed to talk about what we are going thru. Medical stuff can involve a lot of mindfuckery. I think talking/writing about it are ways of processing & clarifying our perspective on complex experience. It also gives others the opportunity to better understand & feel empathy. I'm sorry your illness is so hard, physically and otherwise. I'm not trying to give advice, just hoping that there are times when you get relief & any support that you need.

 

[sweetreliefpls]

Hi, i feel you as I must live with a rare disease too. Doctors say it's incurable and I cannot handle it anymore. But i cannot kill myself now. Survival instinct is too strong. SItuation is getting worse day after day and I know I must leave but it's so unfair !! The least painful way is the "gold standard" pentobarbital, but close to 0% chance to get it. So we're trapped here until there is another peaceful alternative.

May I ask you since how many years you must struggle with this disease ? I struggle since more than 5 years, that's enough. I've suffered all my life and it's time for peace now. I wish you good luck

I'm similar, I've collected multiple chronic infections and illness, after a pretty happy life but the last 5 years have been brutal and traumatising. But even so, SI is strong, even though things get worse. It's like part of me is in denial that things can't improve.

I have prepped for SN, but the risks put me off… I also have gut issues but ChatGPT seems to think it would be effective regardless. I'm becoming more desperate tho and just done with trying….so I may attempt v soon…will see if I can switch off SI
(My post history shows how I go back and forth!)

 

[Mt1712]

I'm similar, I've collected multiple chronic infections and illness, after a pretty happy life but the last 5 years have been brutal and traumatising. But even so, SI is strong, even though things get worse. It's like part of me is in denial that things can't improve.

I have prepped for SN, but the risks put me off… I also have gut issues but ChatGPT seems to think it would be effective regardless. I'm becoming more desperate tho and just done with trying….so I may attempt v soon…will see if I can switch off SI
(My post history shows how I go back and forth!)

I'm exactly like you. For a long time I had this survival instinct, even to the point of thinking that I could participate in clinical trials to cure my illness and get my life back. But the more the months go by and the worse it gets, I can't live with it anymore. I survive every day, it's horrible. I would like to find a solution and the necessary courage because I don't want to spend the rest of my life suffering :(