I want to isolate myself again.

[Gloomislost]

I know it's shitty to say but I want to isolate myself. Not necessarily from my family because I live with them, but from my friends.

I HATE having to fake my happiness 24/7 around them. I hate having to always say "yes" or else I'm the bad guy. I'm just so tired.

Tomorrow I'm going to help my friend dye his hair which should be fun but I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired and school is in 2 days. I just want to relax by myself but I can't when there's always someone pulling me outside to do whatever.

It's not that I'm ungrateful, I enjoy my friends company but not when I'm having to fix myself and be perfect for people.

I honestly miss quarantine, yeah I was more lonely but I never felt this stressed out in my life because of people I SHOULD enjoy being with because they're my friends.

I just want peace by myself and if I can't get that while living, then fuck this life.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Can't you just say you need a bit of 'me time?' Or, are you afraid they will abandon you if you do that?

 

[Gloomislost]

Can't you just say you need a bit of 'me time?' Or, are you afraid they will abandon you if you do that?

It's not that he'll abandon me. It's that if I even refuse a little bit, he'll either get upset or tell me that he felt depressed that day I didn't hang out with him or that he cut himself. I don't even have an option when it comes to him. Like, he's my best friend and stuff but sometimes I'm scared I'll fuck up and he'll kill himself because he's lonely.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's not that he'll abandon me. It's that if I even refuse a little bit, he'll either get upset or tell me that he felt depressed that day I didn't hang out with him or that he cut himself. I don't even have an option when it comes to him. Like, he's my best friend and stuff but sometimes I'm scared I'll fuck up and he'll kill himself because he's lonely.

I'm sorry. That sounds like a heavy responsibility to be carrying.

 

[Gloomislost]

I'm sorry. That sounds like a heavy responsibility to be carrying.

It is but I'm learning to accept that this is my life. I hope he finds better friends when school starts to he can fully enjoy the company of more than one person.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me it's really understandable just wishing to avoid other people as it certainly does sound tiring having to pretend like that. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Gloomislost]

To me it's really understandable just wishing to avoid other people as it certainly does sound tiring having to pretend like that. But anyway best wishes.

Thank you !

 

[Starry✧･ﾟDaze]

It's not that he'll abandon me. It's that if I even refuse a little bit, he'll either get upset or tell me that he felt depressed that day I didn't hang out with him or that he cut himself. I don't even have an option when it comes to him. Like, he's my best friend and stuff but sometimes I'm scared I'll fuck up and he'll kill himself because he's lonely.

That doesn't sound healthy at all.
Ofc who even is healthy at this point, but it sounds like he guilt trips you to be there for him, even tho you're at a dark place yourself.

I know how hard it is, to not feel responsible for our friends and their mental health. Especially if it's your closest friend.
But you still have your own struggles and needs and you don't solely exist to be there for other people. If he cuts himself because he feels lonely, that's not your fault. Ever.

A true friend will respect and understand your boundaries.

Please, try to remember this and take care ~ ♡

 

[Gloomislost]

That doesn't sound healthy at all.
Ofc who even is healthy at this point, but it sounds like he guilt trips you to be there for him, even tho you're at a dark place yourself.

I know how hard it is, to not feel responsible for our friends and their mental health. Especially if it's your closest friend.
But you still have your own struggles and needs and you don't solely exist to be there for other people. If he cuts himself because he feels lonely, that's not your fault. Ever.

A true friend will respect and understand your boundaries.

Please, try to remember this and take care ~ ♡

Thank you for telling me this. I know he's not my responsibility but I know that our friendship will be better if I just learn to deal with it better. And even if I can't, I'm glad he's at least honest with how he feels.

 

[brainwormz]

How open about your own stuggles are you with him?

Maybe if he knew how you are also struggling he'd be a little less pressure.

 

[Gloomislost]

How open about your own stuggles are you with him?

Maybe if he knew how you are also struggling he'd be a little less pressure.

He already knows I have a ED and SH problem but I don't like mentioning sad stuff about myself to avoid being a bummer.

 

[FindingHome]

I find isolating to be helpful. As my life comes to end, the last days of my life I would like to spend alone. I actually enjoy being alone. Plus, when I CTB I don't have people guilt tripping me about those I will leave behind. We owe no one our lives and always say NO if you don't want to do something!

 

[Gloomislost]

I find isolating to be helpful. As my life comes to end, the last days of my life I would like to spend alone. I actually enjoy being alone. Plus, when I CTB I don't have people guilt tripping me about those I will leave behind. We owe no one our lives and always say NO if you don't want to do something!

Yeah, I also sorta look forward to that day myself because I'll be alone. I even plan on deleting social media so I don't have messages bothering me.