Venting I want to have a failed attempt

[crazyclem]

I'm not sure whats wrong with me. I keep ruining my life the longer I'm alive but I can't bring myself to ctb. I wish I could just have a failed attempt so that the issues I face could actually be seen as real by the people around me.

 

[Crow_88]

The problem with failed attempts is they can be very painful and leave you with lifelong and painful disablities.

 

[RENOX]

Same, but most methods are created to actually CTB without any survival and most of the methods can leave you with brain damage or many physical disabilities if you survive. When I was a kid I started self harm at 14 and attempted suicide by cutting one of my artery veins in my wrist . I was too scared and I think I didn't cut the vein in to two but I cut the vein halfway through. It bled for sometime but didn't end me and I wish it did. I'd say it was painful but it's not an unbearable pain.

 

[Persona3]

I think what you're looking for is visibility and acknowledgment that your pain is real. But do you really want that from your family who never understood you in the first place? I don't know about your family, but my family would flip the coin, double the pain, and fuck me up for the worse by degrading me through their lack of understanding again. Try to anticipate your family's reaction based on the dynamics. Even so, they're not worth it if you ask me. Sometimes, unfortunately, the people who truly see us aren't to be found in our family

 

[underairpressure]

I want to say first, that I understand painfully well the desire for people to recognize that your struggles are serious, everyone needs and deserves to have understanding, and care. But I want to warn you, that failing a suicide attempt often doesn't lead to those things. After my first (serious) suicide attempt, I was absolutely FLOORED by how callous people were to me. I was treated with bored indifference by some, outright mockery by others........... my pain was a joke, or an annoyance. Nothing more. Even the people who weren't cruel, were unequipped to handle or understand what I was going through.

I just had to say that, I don't want you to go through the same horrible shock I went through. And I guess I also want to make it clear, that if you are treated that way, as if your issues are nothing........... it's not your fault, and it DOES matter. Their indifference or cruelty has no bearing on that. Even though I know it's hard not to feel that way.

 

[Hellis]

I dream of nearly dying and waking up to find everyone cared so often, but I reality it's just really embarrassing and when I did fail and attempt and told my then best friend, she was said "why would you do that?"

Unfortunate reality is that even if you do have what it takes to tell others, they will just be uncomfortable that you aren't what they pinned you as.