I want to get away from this

[Kennish]

Hi

I have severe OCD regarding my clothes. It's ruining my life. Been a drug addict for most of my life, and now out of it, my OCD is all over. Either my clothes are to tight or to loose, or it just doesn't feel right. Today I'm going with my aunt to try and buy shoes and jacket. And possible some sweat shirts.

I can't see a way out of my misery. It's ruining my life. My problem is I have to save up in order to buy N, and my aunt know about my financial situation. And I'm standing between trying to get this fucking OCD out of me and continue living in this hell, and the other side of me just want to leave this body right now.

My life is also a mess. No job, no apartment. I have 2 kids, one of them I don't see. And yesterday when I saw my little daughter I felt bad for wanting to escape this life.

But my mental state is fucked. Everything I wear is just hell for me. My OCD also does so I think about myself of less worth then other people. And talking down to myself about my body and so on. A lot of things I can't change, like my body, height and so on, but I can't live in this hell much longer.

Does anybody here have OCD regarding their clothes or body?

I'm so sad about this, because if I didnt have my clothes problem, I would have a much better life then this. It's fucked up! I fucking hate it. And if there is a god, I really don't know why this god would give me this condition!

Why do I have to suffer this much? Why? Can anybody give me an answer to that?

 

[Apricity]

And if there is a god, I really don't know why this god would give me this condition!

One of the reasons I don't believe in such things. Some say "God" does these things as a test of faith. I call bullshit. If there really is a God, then there's also really Satan. I'd rather shun God and risk Satan if that's the case. At least Satan owns the fact that he's an asshole.

 

[Pluto]

Sorry to hear you are going through this. With OCD such a common condition, is there any sort of treatment? Are there support forums?

 

[Kennish]

One of the reasons I don't believe in such things. Some say "God" does these things as a test of faith. I call bullshit. If there really is a God, then there's also really Satan. I'd rather shun God and risk Satan if that's the case. At least Satan owns the fact that he's an asshole.

I honestly want to believe that when I do CTB my soul will be free of this misery. I don't know if there is reincarnation of if we just get set free out into the universe. Or it is an eternal sleep. I want so bad to live this life, but my condition is so severe now, that I can't see anything getting me out of it anymore.

Every day is misery and hell for me. What is the point of living like this? There is no point. And there is no point in order to stay alive for others. They will have a good life when they have mourned for me.

Sorry to hear you are going through this. With OCD such a common condition, is there any sort of treatment? Are there support forums?

I have been in therapy and also at the moment at the leading guy in Denmark in OCD. But my condition continues. I don't know what's wrong with my brain.

 

[Apricity]

Every day is misery and hell for me. What is the point of living like this? There is no point. And there is no point in order to stay alive for others. They will have a good life when they have mourned for me.

I have been in therapy and also at the moment at the leading guy in Denmark in OCD. But my condition continues. I don't know what's wrong with my brain.

Same here, I can sympathize. My problem is Bipolar Disorder, major depressive disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder. Broken brains suck. I wish they could've tested for high chances of mental health diseases while I was a fetus and give my parents a chance to have me aborted so I didn't have to live like this.

I too share your view of not living for others. Why suffer just to keep someone else happy? They'll get over it eventually.

 

[Kennish]

Same here, I can sympathize. My problem is Bipolar Disorder, major depressive disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder. Broken brains suck. I wish they could've tested for high chances of mental health diseases while I was a fetus and give my parents a chance to have me aborted so I didn't have to live like this.

I too share your view of not living for others. Why suffer just to keep someone else happy? They'll get over it eventually.

Yes. That could have been good if they could test for these things. My OCD is ruining my life. Just bought two sweaters and I can never find the perfect fit. It all comes from my teenage years, and my brain is just broken now. And I can't see the solution to fixing it.

 

[Kennish]

I really just want to die. I hate my life. I hate my condition and I hate that people around me just be living their life and I'm in mental pain constantly.

Yes. That could have been good if they could test for these things. My OCD is ruining my life. Just bought two sweaters and I can never find the perfect fit. It all comes from my teenage years, and my brain is just broken now. And I can't see the solution to fixing it.

Tried shoes also. And bought a jacket I don't even know if I want to wear. I can't even start to explain my condition. It's so fucked up. I hate my life

Same here, I can sympathize. My problem is Bipolar Disorder, major depressive disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder. Broken brains suck. I wish they could've tested for high chances of mental health diseases while I was a fetus and give my parents a chance to have me aborted so I didn't have to live like this.

I too share your view of not living for others. Why suffer just to keep someone else happy? They'll get over it eventually.

I'm just so very tired of this condition. And nobody around me seems to understand it. When I try to explain my condition to others I must sound like a maniac. And nobody seems to understand the way I'm thinking. It's so fucked up.

I really just want to die. I hate my life. I hate my condition and I hate that people around me just be living their life and I'm in mental pain constantly.

Tried shoes also. And bought a jacket I don't even know if I want to wear. I can't even start to explain my condition. It's so fucked up. I hate my life

I'm just so very tired of this condition. And nobody around me seems to understand it. When I try to explain my condition to others I must sound like a maniac. And nobody seems to understand the way I'm thinking. It's so fucked up.

Now I'm just ranting to myself. Haha

Should have called this post I Want To Die.

Because I really want to now

 

[FuneralCry]

The reason that there is so much suffering is because life is cruel and unfair. Everything is determined by chance and luck. Factors out of our control can ruin our lives. There is no evidence of any God existing. I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Kennish]

The reason that there is so much suffering is because life is cruel and unfair. Everything is determined by chance and luck. Factors out of our control can ruin our lives. There is no evidence of any God existing. I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

Life is fucking cruel and unfair. I just want to put clothes and shoes on everyday like any other person and live a life. But all I think of is clothes and how it feels on my body. And that my body is wrong. So much easier when I used drugs by myself. Should have overdosed instead of getting clean.

 

[apathetic.]

OCD sucks a** honestly. I would rather die with pain then suffer from this. I can't even sleep. I've more of a skin OCD and I can definitely understand your pain.

 

[Kennish]

OCD sucks a** honestly. I would rather die with pain then suffer from this. I can't even sleep. I've more of a skin OCD and I can definitely understand your pain.

How does your OCD act?
Everything I put on or buy doesn't fit me. And it also makes me think of things I cannot change. Like my height. I think it's all based in my childhood and teens. And my parents did nothing about it. Growing up in an unstable and unsafe environment made me like this. It's fucked up. I hate it. I hate my life. And I hate that everybody else is living their life not thinking about what to wear and how it feels. I honestly want to die and escape this situation, but have some sort of survival instinct in me that's telling me tomorrow will be better. Or "if I buy new clothes it will fit me better, and give me a different feeling"

- but it never does. It stays the same. Always.

 

[Losteverythingtwice]

Hi

I have severe OCD regarding my clothes. It's ruining my life. Been a drug addict for most of my life, and now out of it, my OCD is all over. Either my clothes are to tight or to loose, or it just doesn't feel right. Today I'm going with my aunt to try and buy shoes and jacket. And possible some sweat shirts.

I can't see a way out of my misery. It's ruining my life. My problem is I have to save up in order to buy N, and my aunt know about my financial situation. And I'm standing between trying to get this fucking OCD out of me and continue living in this hell, and the other side of me just want to leave this body right now.

My life is also a mess. No job, no apartment. I have 2 kids, one of them I don't see. And yesterday when I saw my little daughter I felt bad for wanting to escape this life.

But my mental state is fucked. Everything I wear is just hell for me. My OCD also does so I think about myself of less worth then other people. And talking down to myself about my body and so on. A lot of things I can't change, like my body, height and so on, but I can't live in this hell much longer.

Does anybody here have OCD regarding their clothes or body?

I'm so sad about this, because if I didnt have my clothes problem, I would have a much better life then this. It's fucked up! I fucking hate it. And if there is a god, I really don't know why this god would give me this condition!

Why do I have to suffer this much? Why? Can anybody give me an answer to that?

I have ocd over my friend who left me, if that's similar. I just obsess over him all day long. Totally out of proportion with reality and ruining my life. I hate thinking about it all day long.

 

[Kennish]

I have ocd over my friend who left me, if that's similar. I just obsess over him all day long. Totally out of proportion with reality and ruining my life. I hate thinking about it all day long.

I don't really know if that's OCD. But it is obsessive, and OCD is obsessive compulsive disorder, so maybe it is?

 

[Losteverythingtwice]

I don't really know if that's OCD. But it is obsessive, and OCD is obsessive compulsive disorder, so maybe it is?

Put it this way, if I told a professional they'd alert him as they'd think I'm nuts and think about him all day long.

 

[Kennish]

Put it this way, if I told a professional they'd alert him as they'd think I'm nuts and think about him all day long.

I don't know if that's OCD. Perhaps it's sorrow about him leaving you. And maybe time will heal that.

I don't know if that's OCD. Perhaps it's sorrow about him leaving you. And maybe time will heal that.

But I would like to switch with you, if that was possible. I would switch with anybody. I don't even know how I have survived this long. But I can't anymore. It's made my life a mess.

 

[apathetic.]

How does your OCD act?

Everything I put on or buy doesn't fit me. And it also makes me think of things I cannot change. Like my height. I think it's all based in my childhood and teens. And my parents did nothing about it. Growing up in an unstable and unsafe environment made me like this. It's fucked up. I hate it. I hate my life. And I hate that everybody else is living their life not thinking about what to wear and how it feels. I honestly want to die and escape this situation, but have some sort of survival instinct in me that's telling me tomorrow will be better. Or "if I buy new clothes it will fit me better, and give me a different feeling"

- but it never does. It stays the same. Always.

My ocd is different than yours. I'm hyper aware of my natural bodily sensations. My mind forces me to blink the right way, swallow the right way, breath the right way. My mind hates how holding hands feels, how clothes feel on my body. The list goes on and on. Each day my mind is like " ok so today we are gonna breath manually " I feel exhausted with overdoing everything. Also my ocd puts me down everyday. It obsess over imperfections. Makes me feel worthless.
Hope that explains

 

[Kennish]

i can't really put in into words but it's like my mind just hates certain sensations. For example my brain hates when my fingers touch, or how my mouth feels closed or how


My ocd is different than yours. I'm hyper aware of my natural bodily sensations. My mind forces me to blink the right way, swallow the right way, breath the right way. My mind hates how holding hands feels, how clothes feel on my body. The list goes on and on. Each day my mind is like " ok so today we are gonna breath manually " I feel exhausted with overdoing everything. Also my ocd puts me down everyday. It obsess over imperfections. Makes me feel worthless.
Hope that explains

Yes it does explain. I'm also hyper sensitive. I think my clothes and body thing also revolves around perfection.

Some say OCD looks a lot like PTSD. That the person have been in a traumatic episode or a traumatic period of their life, and they try to solve it with the OCD like patterns. And it makes perfect sense, because in my childhood and teens I never felt safe at home. I remember taking several showers each day in order to feel that warmth. And in the morning I wouldn't go to school. I just lied on the bathroom floor curled up in a towel.

I definitely to some point blame my parents for this. Even to this day they can't even ask how I am. They don't know how to show feelings or talk about it. It's ridiculous.

 

[apathetic.]

Yes it does explain. I'm also hyper sensitive. I think my clothes and body thing also revolves around perfection.

Some say OCD looks a lot like PTSD. That the person have been in a traumatic episode or a traumatic period of their life, and they try to solve it with the OCD like patterns. And it makes perfect sense, because in my childhood and teens I never felt safe at home. I remember taking several showers each day in order to feel that warmth. And in the morning I wouldn't go to school. I just lied on the bathroom floor curled up in a towel.

I definitely to some point blame my parents for this. Even to this day they can't even ask how I am. They don't know how to show feelings or talk about it. It's ridiculous.

I don't remember how my ocd started by I remember my parents were very violent and abusive in childhood. I used to feel even more OCD due to fear and abuse.

 

[Kennish]

I don't remember how my ocd started by I remember my parents were very violent and abusive in childhood. I used to feel even more OCD due to fear and abuse.

I don't remember exactly neither. But I remember going home in breaks at the school and washing my t shirt and tumble dry it. So it would be tight again, and warm.

My father was a very controllable and angry person when I was young. Totally into perfection in the home. And didn't care how I felt.

 

[clown_17]

I feel for you, ocd is like a new level of hell. Every thing you thought you know is warped, reality becomes uncertain. Your consciousness dims and your haunted by an unreliable narrator of a brain. I'll put this advice you've properly heard thousands of times before just in case: ERP therapy. With that aside you deserve a break from the pain. Our brains are our worst enemies and it's unfair

 

[Kennish]

I feel for you, ocd is like a new level of hell. Every thing you thought you know is warped, reality becomes uncertain. Your consciousness dims and your haunted by an unreliable narrator of a brain. I'll put this advice you've properly heard thousands of times before just in case: ERP therapy. With that aside you deserve a break from the pain. Our brains are our worst enemies and it's unfair

Yes I know of ERP therapy. But I am constantly exposed to my OCD, because you have to wear clothes everyday. Either it's to loose or to tight. Or to long or too short. Or I compare myself to other people, men especially. A lot of things I can't change, like my height and appearance, but why is my brain telling me that? I honestly don't know. But I think it has something to do with confidence and self-worth. And I didn't got strong enough mental in my youth.

One thing is for sure. It's destroying my life completely. So bad that I wanna CTB

Yes I know of ERP therapy. But I am constantly exposed to my OCD, because you have to wear clothes everyday. Either it's to loose or to tight. Or to long or too short. Or I compare myself to other people, men especially. A lot of things I can't change, like my height and appearance, but why is my brain telling me that? I honestly don't know. But I think it has something to do with confidence and self-worth. And I didn't got strong enough mental in my youth.

One thing is for sure. It's destroying my life completely. So bad that I wanna CTB

Its made my life a complete mess. Because I can't function properly.

 

[Kennish]

I just fucking hate this OCD! I just want to fucking scream at it and make it disappear. Either that or die. So I can get away from this fucking hell

 

[sfree]

OCD ruins everyday life, mood and emotions.

 

[Kennish]

OCD ruins everyday life, mood and emotions.

Completely. It has ruined my life. I hate everything I wear and my body. I wish it wasn't like that, but it is.