Help I want to end it but I don't know if I have the strength to do it.

[a_french_guy]

I think there are worse things than feeling sad. There is not feeling anything at all. Don't think I want to be a mystery man or anything. I just wish sometimes I could get a tear to fall down my cheek and express without words how I feel. But there's nothing. I don't know exactly what it's called but basically I'm going to, intentionally or not, make anything but sadness appear on my face. And nobody takes you seriously when you express yourself afterwards. "Stop being so unhappy," is what my mother said to me when I expressed my feelings. But I still love them and I know CTB will destroy them. So I'm not sure if I'm just hurting myself (I'm used to it but I'm reaching my limit I guess) or if I'm hurting my whole family... What do you think? Thanks for taking the time to read this and have a nice day​

 

[OceanBlue]

I think only when you create other people - your life becomes no longer your own and you rescind your right to die when you like.

To others you don't owe anything (especially not to bio-parents) and if they are really worthy of your consideration, they will accept your decision to leave and understand that this way you will be protected from future harms.

 

[Dubito]

I am also not able to feel anything at all since half of my life. I would do anything for just one tear. So maybe I know how you feel. But mostly everybody is different.

 

[FuneralCry]

After all only you know when the time is right for you to leave this world, but the way that I see it everybody is destined to die and be forgotten about someday, whatever happens in this world after we are gone could never be our concern. I at least know that I could never suffer and feel obligated to stay here just for the sake of others, as I only exist in the first place as a result of their selfish actions to procreate. But anyway, I wish you the best, it does sound like a tiring situation that you are trapped in.

 

[Soulless Angel]

to feel nothing is better then suffering the pain that society forces upon us, is how I live, A tear falls society can empathize and sympathies even if false, to sit and say I feel nothing, they cann't and will never understand for which I am glad, for when i am gone, and there is nothing left but a whisper, of which I have no part, what I feel now, means nothing, and doesn't matter.
Strength is nothing but a word,

 

[a_french_guy]

It's true that logically they should understand my choice, but it's certain that they will see the situation in a sentimental way. Then I have the impression that it's like an excuse. Maybe I'm just afraid of death, or of accepting that I've failed in my life. Maybe I'm just rambling a bit too much...but that's the point of a discussion, right?

 

[OceanBlue]

Could be an excuse, but the survival instinct will create many of them.. I guess you will know when it's time for you to leave.
You can explain your decision to others, but it's not on you if they refuse to understand it.

Dying is not the easy way out as others like to say, all of us subconsciously fear it, so it's completely normal.

You didn't consent to being born and never chose the person you've become, so you're not responsible for your "success" or "failures" either, you don't even choose what you see as such.

It's your first message, I don't think you're rambling.. but this is what this forum is for anyway. Welcome.

 

[a_french_guy]

I always blamed myself and never thought it could be my parents' fault. That's the kind of thinking that I don't think the world wants to hear so it never even crossed my mind. But you're right. It's a logical reasoning in itself. I'm not going to make a ceremony but @OceanBlue and the others who answered me and gave me some of their time are the first people who give me courage and strength even though we don't know each other and we probably live thousands of kilometers away from each other. It touches me deeply and I thank you. It is my fight and my decision, not that of my relatives. Sadness is the poison of the living, not the dead.