Hi, all on this thread. I hope today has been easier on you.
I want to start off the post with my own experience.
I grew up with an alcoholic father and a suicidal mother. My mother spoke of it in front of me at a very young age, which certainly left a deep imprint on my perspective on living. I never had any siblings and I had a feeling of perpetual loneliness as I got through school, where virtually nobody liked me. I suffered from an eating disorder that my family often joked about, and I cannot bring myself to accept what I see in the mirror everyday. Even as of today, I'm possibly much older than many of you on this site, yet I've been in no romantic relationships whatsoever because I am simply undesirable.
Let me tell you this: none of these issues have left me unaffected. I became obsessed with death a couple years back, and felt so much of what I've seen you post. No, no-one around me understood. There was so much fear in speaking about how I felt. I saw my life coming to an end. I thought that was it, and the relief in hopelessness is one of the most mind-numbingly pleasurable things you can feel when all you'd felt prior was pain.
But I'm alive.
I looked at my cat, the one who'd meow at me for food and scratches.
I looked at my mother, who sacrificed her happiness to give me the life she wanted me to have.
I looked at how many sights I hadn't seen, how many songs I had left to hear, how many books I'd yet to read, how many people, wonderful people, I hadn't yet met. I didn't have many things to be grateful for, but the little I had was sufficient.
Please, if you are suffering, let me take a bit off your load of burden. All the self-hatred and spiralling and overthinking and anxiety, if you were like me and had no-one to rely on, I'd like to be the person who can provide you with a shoulder to lean on.
I know it's all meaningless, really, it is, but we humans have given it a meaning with relationships and money and the hope of new experiences, and these things are harder to throw away than life. It doesn't seem like it now, but you have a lot left to live for.
You have a choice; it's your body and your life. However, I'd like to contribute information one would like to make that choice as well-informed as possible. Before you browse through your options and your will, please, please be inclined to throw me a message. To ask me questions, to vent, anything you need.
And if nobody has told you this recently, I'm proud of you. For making it through for this long with everything you've gone though, for waking up. I don't know you, but the overwhelming sense of love I have for you, if you're on here, is great. It doesn't have to be over. Life can be so much more.
Thank you, and just again if you need to hear it, I love and care about you, and cherish the time you've spent reading this. It's never too late as long as you're still breathing.
