i want to ctb soon

[hhh_]

i want to ctb soon im so tired of the way i am. everyday life is hard and it doesnt help that i have no connections in school other than my bf and friend who both happen to be leaving for the summer. ive been on this site a while and looking at methods but there is really nothing i could do and no convenient time as my mom n sister r often home. theres a mall a bus away from my house but i know 3 stories is absolutely not gonna do it for me nor do i even have the courage. im getting put on meds soon but im sure my life isnt gonna be much better and frankly i want to get it over with as soon as possible because im really so tired. im going to tidy my room for the summer and start organizing some stuff and maybe write letters and by the time my bf n friend leave i can decide on what to do. i'm glad i found this site otherwise i would have no other place to talk about these things on this level and i feel a little more comfortable with the idea of death. i'm grateful for everything in my life but i cant handle this anymore. there's a pit in my stomach as i'm writing this but i really think my time is getting close and i have to board the bus soon. my depression has been getting worse, i have awful attachment issues and severe anxiety that heavily disrupts my sleep, i mean like really, i sleep at 6-7am in the morning because i'm too scared to sleep throughout the night. i know my mental health effects my bf so much and he's the only person who looks out for me and i don't want him to deal with me anymore. i'll figure out a date when he leaves and hopefully i'll be gone soon. pls leave any tips on an "easy" accessible death, i don't have much money, and if i really have no other choice i'll jump in front of a train. i know it's awful but i'm desperate pls help. i've looked at all the methods in the mega threads. i think the best i could try is partial hanging.

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound really tiring what you have to endure and I get that it's awful when existing just continues to get worse, existence is just too cruel. And sadly suicide just isn't straightforward especially as suicide is made as difficult as possible in this world but anyway I wish you the best.