I want to ctb SMILING

[WornOutLife]

That's right.
The day I ctb, I wanna do it smiling, just like now, I'm drunk and happy and looking back at all the positive things I've experienced throughout my life in spite of being suicidal.

This is the way we should all leave this world.
No crying, no regrets, just remembering those few or many moments of happiness we had. It could be when you were a child, it could be when you fell in love for the first time, it could be anything.

Last year, when I tried to ctb, I felt exactly the way I do now. If I had some SN or reliable method on my hands, I would certainly ctb tonight.

CHEERS and thanks for reading me.

I love you all.

Matt

 

[rs929]

I'll have some beers and cheer for you. I think the alcohol might eventually trigger your death but I'm sure that is something you welcome.
I'm in a similar position, do I want to recover.o do I want to die? I guess just enjoy the moment. Remember the no ctb during hangovers rule tho!

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

Remember the no ctb during hangovers rule tho!

I was unaware of this rule lol.

 

[WornOutLife]

Remember the no ctb during hangovers rule tho!

These are the wisest words I've read today.
Thank you so much for your advice lol

 

[sunsetintehwoods]

And do the flip! Yay!

 

[ExhaustedExistence]

That sounds awesome! No agony, just happiness. I love being drunk. I think alcohol will help me to ctb too.

 

[Black Sky]

That's exactly how I want to go as well. This is probably the reason why the ending of Breaking Bad is one of my favorite endings to a TV show ever, I could never forget that one last satisfied smile on a certain character's face.

I considered adding an opioid dose to whatever method I may choose in order to achieve that. But since I never had any experience with such drugs, I'm not sure how good an idea that is. Not to mention I'm too chicken to actually acquire them by whatever shady means these are acquired.

 

[Joey]

If I had to go, it would be SN. I wanna live now though. I'm now part of the Recovery Gang. :D

 

[Death_the_kid]

Well the problem my friend Is that when im so drunk im so happy that see all the shit Like my little pony and at the end i dnt want to ctb at least for that moment, of course then comes the hangover And i want to kill myself so badly Like always.

So i think i never be able to die with a smile :/ And you are not allowed to drink with sn.... fucking shit.

 

[Amumu]

Some retired people die when they're smiling and happy, they just don't want to experience bad health after 75 or 65.

 

[Dizzy_Dreams]

There's no part of you that's scared of it?

 

[watchingthewheels]

That's right.
The day I ctb, I wanna do it smiling, just like now, I'm drunk and happy and looking back at all the positive things I've experienced throughout my life in spite of being suicidal.

This is the way we should all leave this world.
No crying, no regrets, just remembering those few or many moments of happiness we had. It could be when you were a child, it could be when you fell in love for the first time, it could be anything.

Last year, when I tried to ctb, I felt exactly the way I do now. If I had some SN or reliable method on my hands, I would certainly ctb tonight.

CHEERS and thanks for reading me.

I love you all.

Matt

"She lay on the edge of a hill and looked down at the sky. One hand, white and still, hung over the edge, and little red drops rolled slowly in the snow, down the slope.

"She smiled. She knew she was dying. But it did not matter any longer. She had known something which no human words could ever tell and she knew it now. She had been awaiting it and she felt it, as if it had been, as if she had lived it. Life had been, if only because she had known it could be, and she felt it now as a hymn without sound, deep under the little hole that dripped red drops into the snow, deeper than that from which the red drops came. A moment or an eternity—did it matter? Life, undefeated, existed and could exist.

"She smiled, her last smile, to so much that had been possible."

Ayn Rand, We the Living

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Me before trying partial for the tenth time after having spent three hours in the woods:

 

[WornOutLife]

There's no part of you that's scared of it?

Nope, I'm not scared of dying. I guess I'll just embrace death and whatever is coming.
However, I'm extremely afraid of the pain and suffering before ctb. That's why a painful method is not a choice and I guess that's the reason why I'm still here lol.