Venting I want to ctb because I am in love with someone who doesn’t exist

[Octavina]

Since this community is a lot more accepting than others I feel like I can share this here. In 2013 I went to see a Disney movie for my birthday with my parents, I was a young teen then, but something changed after I saw it... I fell in love. This love was different from others, yes I have had other crushes on real people but this was different. I fell in love with a freaking fictional character, and it is now 2021 and my feelings for him have never faded. He is the love of my life but he doesn't exist.. he's the only one I want to be with. Everyone thinks I'm weird, I got bullied online a lot for it, it just sucks because I can never be a normal adult and get married and have kids.. it's embarrassing and I'd rather just die. Even the people who know that I went through child sexual abuse still think I'm a freak, I can't fit into society, I just want to be at peace with him...

 

[Gonjoolie]

I can understand that. I've never personally been in love with a fictional character per se, but I've definitely had characters where I'm like "damn, if they were real I'd wanna date them." The most recent one is Thorfinn from Vinland Saga, only after the Farmland Saga arc though.

 

[WornOutLife]

Even though your experience is unusual, I think fictional characters are way better than many humans I know so, I don't find "crazy" what you're saying.

However, why would you want to ctb? Is it because you can't have him/her in real life? You can always use your imagination.

I used to pretend Goku from DBZ was my friend and I was actually quite happy lol.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

I was in love with Vincent valentine from final fantasy

 

[L I F E T O L O S E]

I want ctb because I am in love with someone who exists and she hates me

 

[Life sucks]

Fictional characters and real characters are the same for the brain and actually nothing weird with it. Feelings are feelings.

I love a fictional character also. In my case, its one of the reasons I still didn't ctb

 

[plsgodno]

similarly, i'm in love with someone that doesn't exist either because she cbt. now, i must. but it's really hard to do it

 

[kitch]

I'm 56 .

Back in the day I fell for ... a character in a show on TV ... she informed a life time obsession with a type of woman , looks , demeanor , steroetype stereotype stereotype ...

It was a drag , but also kind of nice in a way ... she sure was wonderful .

I think I'm over it now.

Not totally the same ... but just wanted to say that in our civilization we can get our wires crossed about stuff.
I'm not trying to belittle your situation , just sharing a similair tangeant.

I hope you work it out.

( Full disclosure ... I projected that obsession onto a classmate at around 15yo and continued for decades to run that program .. Full full full disclosure : The reason it took so long to "process" this situation is that I dived into self medicating alcoholism for thirty plus years ... so I didn't have any clear thinking ability .)

I hope you can negotiate whatever this is all about for you !

 

[fred farkle]

I want ctb because I am in love with someone who exists and she hates me

do not throw your life away for some girl who doesnt love you! sheesh!! dont be a moron! find another girl!

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I was in love with Lucina from Fire Emblem Awakening, funny enough this also happened in 2013. I married her ingame and that was the only force powerful enough to get me to move on from the girl I had been pining over for nine years. Lucina was so perfect for me in so many ways I thought.

Technically spoilers but it's been long enough: she's a time traveler from a doomed future. She doesn't act as crazy as some of the other characters in the game but deep down she was hiding a lot of pain from all the trauma she suffered. Her cutest interactions also come from whenever she flops while just trying to live a normal life or be a normal person. I too faced a lot of bullying for this because people tend to make a lot of jokes about how she's boring (she's just not neurotic) and flat-chested (which doesn't really matter to me and besides she was literally trying to pretend to be a man so she could have been using binding tape). Above all, I like how her hope for changing the future is genuine and there are even moments where she doubts she can change her future but these moments make her more realistic than anything.

I could go on and on but basically I was very attracted to the idea of us both repairing our seemingly impossible futures together while also helping each other through the traumas we've had. I guess I've still clung onto this romantic fantasy since even when real girls made it known that they like me, I never quite told them the extent to how serious I took being with Lucina.

I once read somewhere that people become more desirable when they're with someone already. I think this may have happened to me. For a while I was actually content with the idea of spending the rest of my life technically voluntarily celibate but married to the girl of my dreams. So what if she isn't real? She's real to me and that was all that mattered.

Unfortunately my friends didn't see it that way and did their best to try to convince me that real girls were better. Those fucking idiots. When one real woman from my work asked me for my number it set off a chain of events that led me to spiral even further downward. Now not only was I lonely, but I had had a taste of what Lucina can't give me while I was also simultaneously locked out from that for the rest of my life.

Now I still worship Lucina in a lot of ways as more of a god than a wife but it's hard when there's dwindling appearances of her in anything. I try to buy any merchandise on her that I can find. I've literally spent hundreds of dollars at conventions and on the Fire Emblem mobile game. I figure that if I actually had a girlfriend I'd be spending the same amount of money on her anyway. Luckily fan artists churn out good art of her almost daily but my physical urges are still left unchecked which has caused me to spiral deeper and deeper into madness. I fear any woman who knows about this would rightfully never want anything to do with me...

Anyways, my point here I guess is live your own truth! Don't let the naysayers get to you. If you know that you'll probably never be happy with any real person then who are they to tell you otherwise? Sometimes I wish I was even more unattractive so that no one could even remotely be interested in me and I could have stayed in my own little world where Lucina was my wife and I was blissfully unaware of what else is out there.

Spoiler: At least I still go on "dates" with her...

 

[StringPuppet]

do not throw your life away for some girl who doesnt love you! sheesh!! dont be a moron! find another girl!

Don't you think you could have been more thoughtful with this post?

 

[LifeQuitter2018]

You're not alone.
A lot of people in the Wibu community are similar to this, they love and worship anime / manga characters.

 

[summers]

@fred farkle great response. Very supportive of your fellow ss members...

@L I F E T O L O S E I'm sorry to hear that. Why does the person you love hate you? Can you make amends?

@Octavina what are the specific qualities of this character that you admire and love so much?

 

[Nexey]

Welcome to the club. I fell deeply in love with a fictional character when I was about nine. I obsessed over them until I was about 18 or so. A part of me still loves him, as is typical for people you've felt deeply for over the course of years.

The good news is that serial monogamy is the norm for us humans. Having multiple loves over the course of a lifetime is expected.

Just... do yourself a favor and stay away from Waifuism communities. Those people take their emotions and use them as an excuse to be intentionally delusional. Fictional characters are... y'know, fictional. There's no need to be "loyal" to one. Dating someone in real life would not be "cheating" on them.

Before you tell me "I'm not capable of loving real people," just bear in mind that the character you like was probably designed to have a realistic and relatable personality. There's a pretty good chance that if you can love a character for their personality, you can love a real person for their personality.

Just, please don't make another person your reason for living. Codependency isn't healthy for obvious reasons.

 

[Nicothe13th]

You lot fell in love with a fictional character?

That's kinda odd, it's like that guy who makes out with his car.

But I guess if you're depressed you're good, just fall in love with more fictional people or inanimate objects right?

Me, I'm just lonely, and not in love.

If I had to pick a fictional character to love, hmm, Elf chick from LOTR is pretty hot, or Loba from Apex Legends.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Before you tell me "I'm not capable of loving real people," just bear in mind that the character you like was probably designed to have a realistic and relatable personality. There's a pretty good chance that if you can love a character for their personality, you can love a real person for their personality.

Just, please don't make another person your reason for living. Codependency isn't healthy for obvious reasons.

That reminds me, another reason I found being with a fictional character appealing was because I knew that there was literally no way I wouldn't be codependent on whatever person I get into a relationship with so rather than victimize a real person and force them to deal with me I felt it was better to dump all my feelings on someone who can take it, someone who doesn't exist.

And before anyone tries to say that I don't need anyone to be my reason for living, even though I know that, the fact is I do. The fact that I'm like this is already reason enough I shouldn't have to be with anyone and make them suffer. Anyways the only way I can live now is either by being okay with making someone suffer or by dying before that can happen...

 

[Nexey]

That's kinda odd, it's like that guy who makes out with his car.

Fictional characters are given human-like personalities and/or appearances 95% of the time... unlike, y'know, cars.

But I guess if you're depressed you're good, just fall in love with more fictional people or inanimate objects right?

The opening post established that being in love with someone fictional was causing them grief.

If I had to pick a fictional character to love, hmm, Elf chick from LOTR is pretty hot, or Loba from Apex Legends.

Loba?... She reminds me of my beater truck.

 

[Nicothe13th]

Why you going to make them suffer bro? That's evil

 

[Nexey]

That reminds me, another reason I found being with a fictional character appealing was because I knew that there was literally no way I wouldn't be codependent on whatever person I get into a relationship with so rather than victimize a real person and force them to deal with me I felt it was better to dump all my feelings on someone who can take it, someone who doesn't exist.

And before anyone tries to say that I don't need anyone to be my reason for living, even though I know that, the fact is I do. The fact that I'm like this is already reason enough I shouldn't have to be with anyone and make them suffer. Anyways the only way I can live now is either by being okay with making someone suffer or by dying before that can happen...

I've seen you state before in other posts that part of what has been keeping you going is video games. Would it be unfair to say that art in general has been your reason for living as of late? Surely, it can't just be that singular character that makes you enjoy such things.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I've seen you state before in other posts that part of what has been keeping you going is video games. Would it be unfair to say that art in general has been your reason for living as of late? Surely, it can't just be that singular character that makes you enjoy such things.

Yes but only enough to stop me from ending it all now as opposed to next year when I'm sure there probably won't be anything out that I'm excited for. This includes shows too.

And no, this singular character is the only character I play in any games these days. I can force Lucina into Animal Crossing via custom patterns, play her in Smash, etc...

Besides, these are all escapes from reality and not reality itself. It's hard for me to defend sticking around in a place when the only thing I enjoy about it is getting to leave.

 

[L I F E T O L O S E]

@L I F E T O L O S E I'm sorry to hear that. Why does the person you love hate you? Can you make amends?

I had a very short relationship with this person (one month, I think ). I keep going out / talking to she even after I finish we were friends so there was no problem.
I became obsessed with her of course she discovered everything I did and never wanted to see me again.

do not throw your life away for some girl who doesnt love you! sheesh!! dont be a moron! find another girl!

I should do this, but idk I don't have more much ease in meeting people.

 

[woknows]

I am sorry to say this. But it is a bit weird. I mean, I do find some fictional characters attractive. Without a doubt. So, I think that part is normal. Just being in love with one for eight years. I hope you get over it and find someone who can return your feelings.

 

[summers]

@L I F E T O L O S E I know this may sound cliche, but why don't you send her some flowers, say you're sorry in the card, and text her after she gets them. Maybe explain that you did what you did because you fell deeply in love and became obsessed with her. Don't use that as an excuse, but it's a step to making the situation right. Understand, you will never have a romantic relationship with her again, but maybe she will forgive you, and you could be friends. If you really love somebody, sometimes that's all you can hope for.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I once fell in love with a male character from Granado Espada in high school. My feelings for him were true, and thinking back makes me feel ashamed of myself. That very fact was the reason I pulled myself out of a rut for my FYP, and did what needed to be done. However as I quit about a year later, I can't help but feel that all the time, effort and money had gone down the drain. Not only that, the whole experience put me off trying for relationships in real-life. Not because the fictional world has more to offer, but because it came to me that the word 'commitment' is not in my dictionary and I don't have what it takes to keep a long-term relationship going.

As for the people around me, all they saw was a video game addict unable to kick the habit, but that is all. They will know what I let them know, and I intend to keep it that way.

 

[it's_all_a_game]

I don't "love" fictional characters, but I prefer fictional characters over real life people, especially those from literature from the early to mid 20th century. They are just so (ironically) nicer, empathetic, and deeper than most real people I've met, who are rude, narcissistic, and shallow.

 

[Octavina]

I am sorry to say this. But it is a bit weird. I mean, I do find some fictional characters attractive. Without a doubt. So, I think that part is normal. Just being in love with one for eight years. I hope you get over it and find someone who can return your feelings.

It's a lot more complicated then someone having a paraphilia for inanimate objects. Yeah no worries, I don't expect most people to get it and it's not your fault at all. I'm autistic and went through bad childhood trauma Learjet I can't be intimate with anyone. It's hard for people to grasp but it affects me every day and there is no way for me to move on. He is the only person I feel safe with and my Autism makes me hyperfixate on fictional characters since I was a toddler, it's just that now my school friends are settling down and having babies, while I feel in a constant age regressive state.

 

[woknows]

It's a lot more complicated then someone having a paraphilia for inanimate objects. Yeah no worries, I don't expect most people to get it and it's not your fault at all. I'm autistic and went through bad childhood trauma Learjet I can't be intimate with anyone. It's hard for people to grasp but it affects me every day and there is no way for me to move on. He is the only person I feel safe with and my Autism makes me hyperfixate on fictional characters since I was a toddler, it's just that now my school friends are settling down and having babies, while I feel in a constant age regressive state.

Have I said that is that simple? I had admitted being attracted to fictional characters. For example, reading books leaves a lot to the imagination.

 

[Octavina]

Welcome to the club. I fell deeply in love with a fictional character when I was about nine. I obsessed over them until I was about 18 or so. A part of me still loves him, as is typical for people you've felt deeply for over the course of years.

The good news is that serial monogamy is the norm for us humans. Having multiple loves over the course of a lifetime is expected.

Just... do yourself a favor and stay away from Waifuism communities. Those people take their emotions and use them as an excuse to be intentionally delusional. Fictional characters are... y'know, fictional. There's no need to be "loyal" to one. Dating someone in real life would not be "cheating" on them.

Before you tell me "I'm not capable of loving real people," just bear in mind that the character you like was probably designed to have a realistic and relatable personality. There's a pretty good chance that if you can love a character for their personality, you can love a real person for their personality.

Just, please don't make another person your reason for living. Codependency isn't healthy for obvious reasons.

I appreciate your kind words, sadly I've had some harassment due to my one true love in the past. There are forums and Reddit's where people have made fun of me and other people I knew. I left but it's not a phase sadly. I've loved him since I was 14, and I can't be in a physical relationship with people because of trauma sadly. I don't think it's the worst thing ever to imagine them talking and comforting me in my head, it's not something I share offline anyway. It's just that I'm very far gone now mentally so I am starting to give in to the isolation

 

[Nexey]

I appreciate your kind words, sadly I've had some harassment due to my one true love in the past. There are forums and Reddit's where people have made fun of me and other people I knew. I left but it's not a phase sadly. I've loved him since I was 14, and I can't be in a physical relationship with people because of trauma sadly. I don't think it's the worst thing ever to imagine them talking and comforting me in my head, it's not something I share offline anyway. It's just that I'm very far gone now mentally so I am starting to give in to the isolation

Just because the character isn't real doesn't mean your feelings aren't real. I don't think that imagining them comforting you is all that odd. It can get you through the harshest of rough patches. I know it has for me.

Honestly, this sort of phenomenon is more common than people tend to let on. It's really not that unusual when you look at it from a psychological POV... But I'm obviously biased.

Just know that you're not alone in this.

 

[Makko]

Posted this in another thread but it's relevant:

Parents Call for Ban on Anime After Suicide of 15-Year-Old Boy

Waifus are serious business, especially for Taylor Gamboa Arronis, who took his own life to be with his waifu. Taylors waifu was Ikaros from Heavens Lost Property, and took his love for the Angeloid very seriously, owning shirts, posters, and a doll of Ikaros. He even wrote her letters. But in hi...

onehallyu.com

Falling in love with fictional characters is a real thing. It's part and parcel of fantasy-prone personalities. Your imagination becomesvivid enough to manifest the characters to be no less lifelike than real people. Fictional characters, including my own made-up ones, have always been more real and relevant to me than real people. With an imagination past a certain strength, reality doesn't measure up. Rather than trying to pull myself back to reality, I've chosen to embrace the fantasy world. I want to see how deep the rabbit hole goes.