I want to be wanted

[-nobodyknows-]

I want to be desired by someone. I want to be treasured, to be adored, to be absolutely everything to them. Something that they would never dream of abandoning, of leaving behind. Someone who would get angry when they see or hear that someone is treating me poorly.

But that is not my reality. I am disposable. Replaceable. Not needed. Nothing special. I will likely never be able to accept this. It will likely play a part in killing me, in the end. The more I have struggled, the more I have tried to find my place, the more alone I have come to feel.

But, you know, that's okay. Some things just aren't meant to be. Would it really be so strange for me to be such a thing? The more I fall apart, the clearer it becomes. There is no point in trying to deny it. It is the cold, hard truth of my existence.

Soon, I must say goodbye to my hopes. To my dreams of being spared this fate. As the days come and go, the seasons change, and the years pass, these things have become more and more painful to hold on to. The harder I have tried to live, the more I have felt the pull of death.

Even so, I will continue to walk this path. I know it will destroy me, that it will kill me in the end. But that is a fate I have chosen to accept. No matter what happens to me, I will continue to try to live normally. To live as if there was nothing wrong at all.

I just hope that others will forgive me in the end, for pretending to recover like this.

 

[TheHolySword]

I understand this. I wanted it too. I still do. I mean just a year ago I had it. She wasn't ready for anything and neither was I. But we wanted each other and the feelings we had were so special. But I still couldn't handle life and living like this. She couldn't fix the pain and suffering. She brought me so much happiness and so much peace but I still wanted to die. And I destroyed things to spare her, and to selfishly make it easier for myself. And honestly I regret it every day, I miss her very much. But being wanted didn't change anything for me. It just made everything harder.

 

[Warkman1]

I want to be desired by someone. I want to be treasured, to be adored, to be absolutely everything to them. Something that they would never dream of abandoning, of leaving behind. Someone who would get angry when they see or hear that someone is treating me poorly.

But that is not my reality. I am disposable. Replaceable. Not needed. Nothing special. I will likely never be able to accept this. It will likely play a part in killing me, in the end. The more I have struggled, the more I have tried to find my place, the more alone I have come to feel.

But, you know, that's okay. Some things just aren't meant to be. Would it really be so strange for me to be such a thing? The more I fall apart, the clearer it becomes. There is no point in trying to deny it. It is the cold, hard truth of my existence.

Soon, I must say goodbye to my hopes. To my dreams of being spared this fate. As the days come and go, the seasons change, and the years pass, these things have become more and more painful to hold on to. The harder I have tried to live, the more I have felt the pull of death.

Even so, I will continue to walk this path. I know it will destroy me, that it will kill me in the end. But that is a fate I have chosen to accept. No matter what happens to me, I will continue to try to live normally. To live as if there was nothing wrong at all.

I just hope that others will forgive me in the end, for pretending to recover like this.

This resonates with me

 

[HylΘ]

tonight I had those feelings heavily, i am poly and have some wonderful partners and friends but i always feel like a 3rd wheel, not a priority for them.

 

[yeahyeahyeahfan]

I feel exactly the same. It's like you took my exact thoughts and wrote them out for me. Wishing you peace.

 

[Haematemesis]

I had a friend who is highly social and attractive. I introduced him to a female friend of mine. They seemed to have electricity but he didn't want it and never messaged her back after some time.

Then I was busy for a few months and I didn't have time to contact my female friend. Today she messaged me and said that she couldn't forget him. They never even met in real life. It was through social media. And it has been more than 4 months.

I felt so worthless. Not because I envied my friend but because I saw that this was normal. Most people are wanted somewhere, sometime, by someone.

 

[harlow-paige]

i ended up kinda eternally torturing myself by knowing i can mask and fake myself into a persona that people "want" or "need" and getting all those nice feelings; even though i know all along that it's not sustainable. it's always moment when i'm more "real" and not the quirky fun impulsive girl and show them the real traumatised broken insane mess that i am, that i become too much for people, and someone people don't even want to talk to.

it just hurts knowing that basically being myself is what gets in the way of all that nice social stuff; it's so tiring having to constantly act like somebody else