bunnyloop
ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ
- Sep 5, 2025
- 13
as someone with bpd my emotions are so intense it ruins every aspect of my life. idk if i want to go on antidepressants again idt they do much for me and i'd rather not deal with those sexual side effects when i'm already depressed. i've heard wellbutrin is a good choice but it's not smth i can get for depression in the uk. i once took the last 10 of my escitalopram because they weren't working so i wanted to force them to work and it made me so emotionally numb and when i tell you it was the best feeling ever. feeling nothing was an amazing feeling. during this time i was going through such a hard time in my life with my old fp so i wanted to do anyrhing to numb the pain. i was literally unable to cry that day after i did this. i can't remember how long the numbness lasted maybe a few days but it felt so good not being controlled by my emotions. i want to get that feeling back without having to do that again. i don't think taking only 10 causes serotonin syndrome i can't really remember if i had any of the symptoms i didn't really care enough about anything to check. there are some days when something bad happens to me and i'm surprised i'm not crying and i don't care and i just wish i could feel like that all the time. it can get boring after a while tho. i like crying as a stress reliever but having breakdowns is horrible. and i always cry after watching smth sad so if i don't then it just makes me think the show or movie i watched wasn't good enough if it didn't make me cry. i just wanna feel apathetic to heartbreak and people not liking me. i wish i had a strong sense of self so i just didn't care what others thought of me
