Discussion I want to be back in the hospital

[IwanttodieASAP]

I know this is odd and I doubt to many can identify with this, but I actually want to be back in rhe psych ward. Don't get me wrong, it did nothing for me in there and it was boring as hell, bur at least I couldn't blame myself for being alive while I was in there. We couldn't have pants with elastic, no bed sheets, etc. I was forced to be alive by them. Now I want so badly to be gone, to feel peace in death and I cannot make myself do it which makes me angry and actually hate myself. So I want to kind of be back in the hospital just so I cannot blame myself for a time being

 

[lionetta12]

I know this is odd and I doubt to many can identify with this, but I actually want to be back in rhe psych ward. Don't get me wrong, it did nothing for me in there and it was boring as hell, bur at least I couldn't blame myself for being alive while I was in there. We couldn't have pants with elastic, no bed sheets, etc. I was forced to be alive by them. Now I want so badly to be gone, to feel peace in death and I cannot make myself do it which makes me angry and actually hate myself. So I want to kind of be back in the hospital just so I cannot blame myself for a time being

That's why I hospitalized myself for first time in my life in August, thinking that they would remove things that can make you CTB. But I was put into an open unit? Where they had shower curtains, window curtains, long cables everywhere, nobody checked my luggage and they told me to bring charger cables, when I had told them I tried to jump infront of a train and I'm suicidal, so I checked out after 16 hours. I was desperate to be able to stay alive and they did nothing but fuel my wants to CTB, along with a million available ways to do so.

 

[FuneralCry]

Psych wards do sound like horrible prisons to me and I've read about people having absolutely awful experiences there before, but it's certainly understandable feeling so angry at your inability to leave this world. Feeling so trapped here when you wish to be gone really is such a punishment and I hate the fact how we have to suffer so much in finding ways to die.

 

[almostoutofhere]

I can relate, I kind of missed the psych ward when I left. It was nice being away from all the problems. At least it felt like it. I was still depressed and suicidal, but still.

 

[Wannagonow]

I understand what you're saying. I've been in the psych hospital many times. It's not pleasant being there. I always lie my way out due to fear (among other reasons). I've had decades of practice learning how to be very convincing that I'm safe for discharge. However, I will say that once discharged I will for a short time miss the mental break I got there. When I'm there I find my brain is not obsessing about how to kill myself. It doesn't mean I necessarily want to be back in the hospital. But I absolutely understand why it might be something you consider. It can feel like a safe place. If you feel like you'll be safer or that you need/want the support of a psych ward or hospital, there's no shame in going back. I hope you'll find some peace.

 

[LastFlowers]

I can relate, I kind of missed the psych ward when I left. It was nice being away from all the problems. At least it felt like it. I was still depressed and suicidal, but still.

My problems only became accentuated while in the psych ward, it was impossible to dissociate or project my consciousness outside of my body which was my usual coping mechanism when alone..it was horrific..even just being around people and with no ability to hide.
It always made me more suicidal than ever before.
And that was just one terrible aspect of being there.
I will fight tooth and nail to a bloody, gruesome death before I ever go back there.

I will say though, once in awhile some of the other patients were the best part.
Some were awful to me per usual but others were more kind, authentic, observant and reasonable than any person I had ever met outside of those places.
Nothing "crazy" about them.
Hell, even the cleaning lady at one of them was nicer than any of the other staff members..even though she was the one stuck cleaning up after our mess and dusting the ceilings.

 

[StruggleWithin]

For me, my time in the psych ward was a reprieve from life full of stressors. Still, I was suicidal. I participated, mainly so I could look like I was improving, so I could leave. Met some interesting people though. When life would get hard and get me down, I would want to go back. But I knew/learned that there, for me was easy, and where I was having my troubles came from living my daily life.

 

[wait.what]

The thing I sort of like about the psyche ward is that nobody expects you to be chirpy and delightful all the time. You can sit at a table with your head down for 2 hours if you want and people will leave you alone about it. Usually I can't leave my room if I feel like shit unless I'm willing to answer stupid, nosy questions. That's the sort of thing that really fuels my desire to isolate. Severe depression is considered rude, and normal people feel entitled to call you to account about it.

 

[Destiny Calls Me]

I was in for 2 weeks. In terms of helping me through depression and suicidal thoughts, it helped nothing at all. I basically acted my way out. Although I did meet some cool people from various ranges of age, ethnicity, backgrounds and reason of being there. To some degree it felt like none of us belonged there. Regardless Id never go back at all cost.

 

[newbie87]

I was on a private psych ward 6 days due to suicidal act provoked by a med that was awful, and I was treated so good and there was so good people there that I wouldn't mind returning there specifically. At least I know I have somewhere to go if I have another episode where I can't control myself.

 

[justwanasleep]

I get it. I've never been sectioned but I have gone in voluntary twice for a week a time. You are fully removed from life's normal stresses and toxic people in your life. Your sort of babied and looked after and the routine can help people. But i don't want to go back and wouldn't go in voluntary again.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Can you voluntarily admit yourself? Do they have the right to turn you away? I mean- if it helps- make use of it. That's what it's there for.

 

[IwanttodieASAP]

Can you voluntarily admit yourself? Do they have the right to turn you away? I mean- if it helps- make use of it. That's what it's there for.

I cannot. I'd be judged to much plus it's insanely expensive.

 

[k!tten2423]

I've been once. But I was drunk and they put me in a room overnight with just a bed. Then discharged me in the morning when I got sober. Tbh I'd like to go to a psych ward for not just help but also for a break from life. I have 2 kids and just stressed from every day life and I'm going literally insane. Idk if that's selfish or not….