Spite
I don't like this world.
- Aug 20, 2025
- 325
I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. I have my flaws, many of them. Countless times I have messed up in the past. Fixating on my past mistakes, as well as my constant self-pity and wallowing in misery and defeat, is slowly destroying me.
I have very low self-esteem. I think very lowly of myself and pretty much always have. I'm often upset over things like having no IRL friends, feeling ostracised and rejected by my peers, and thinking about everything I have been through in my life and how most of it has been difficult... but sometimes I have these moments where I think... the problem is me. I am my own worst enemy.
I want to change. I want to beat depression and overcome my suicidal thoughts and urges. I do have things in my life worth living for. I want to believe there are good things waiting for me that I will get to experience in the future, and that this life is not as horrible as it seems to be in my head. If I commit suicide, I will never know what could have been. As far as I'm aware, I believe this is my one and only life I will ever have. I should be trying everything in my power to not waste it getting lost in my negative thoughts and spiralling into hopelessness and despair.
I realise there is very little I am in control of in this life, but I must do what I can to make the most of it, and I feel inspired to at least try and change my mindset, to turn my life around - leave all my past misfortunes, mistakes and hardships behind, and try to make peace - try to move forward - and try to find happiness, somehow. I owe it to myself.
I want to learn to be more appreciative, adopt better habits and not be so hard on myself. I have a loving wife, and she means the world to me. I think I should show more appreciation for her. I may not have a social life or really any IRL friends and maybe that's because I am extremely introverted and shy, not because almost everyone in the world actively hates me like I lead myself to believe in my head. My full-time job might suck, but that doesn't mean my life is over and nothing will ever change. These are the kinds of positive outlooks I want to start embracing.
I can't give up.
I think these are the first steps I must take if I want to be a better person.
I have very low self-esteem. I think very lowly of myself and pretty much always have. I'm often upset over things like having no IRL friends, feeling ostracised and rejected by my peers, and thinking about everything I have been through in my life and how most of it has been difficult... but sometimes I have these moments where I think... the problem is me. I am my own worst enemy.
I want to change. I want to beat depression and overcome my suicidal thoughts and urges. I do have things in my life worth living for. I want to believe there are good things waiting for me that I will get to experience in the future, and that this life is not as horrible as it seems to be in my head. If I commit suicide, I will never know what could have been. As far as I'm aware, I believe this is my one and only life I will ever have. I should be trying everything in my power to not waste it getting lost in my negative thoughts and spiralling into hopelessness and despair.
I realise there is very little I am in control of in this life, but I must do what I can to make the most of it, and I feel inspired to at least try and change my mindset, to turn my life around - leave all my past misfortunes, mistakes and hardships behind, and try to make peace - try to move forward - and try to find happiness, somehow. I owe it to myself.
I want to learn to be more appreciative, adopt better habits and not be so hard on myself. I have a loving wife, and she means the world to me. I think I should show more appreciation for her. I may not have a social life or really any IRL friends and maybe that's because I am extremely introverted and shy, not because almost everyone in the world actively hates me like I lead myself to believe in my head. My full-time job might suck, but that doesn't mean my life is over and nothing will ever change. These are the kinds of positive outlooks I want to start embracing.
I can't give up.
I think these are the first steps I must take if I want to be a better person.
Last edited:
