Venting I want someone to hug me in my last moments.

[notevenhere]

This is just me venting so don't mind me but I really want to be held in my last moments.

The reason I'm looking for a partner in the partner megathread is for that sole reason. I often just daydream booking a hotel for the weekend and killing myself in that room, the most that would happen is I video call my ex and have a nice, pleasant chat with him while he doesn't know I'm dying in front of him.

I know it's cruel and it would hurt him but I wasn't someone who he fought to keep romantically. I know it's because he's had a lot of hurt and trauma which is why he couldn't love me but I still feel rejected all the same.

He gets so angry when I'm suicidal, when I tell him I have actual plans instead of just wishing to or when I say I'm active in forums like these. He'd yell at me and say "how could you? does it make you feel better you're helping those people kill themselves? I thought you'd be better." and I'd be overcome with guilt.

Maybe I'm just looking for someone that'll stroke my hair and tell me everything is going to be alright. Someone who won't get mad for my own suffering. I'm just so exhausted and I want to rest. That's all I want.

I won't complain dying alone. I'll still get to find my peace but. It would be nice to be held by someone. Life's already so cruel, if I could just have comfort and kindness before I die, it would be something I want.

Just wanted to share that.

 

[IBM0000]

since I cant give you the hug reaction because of mobile (idk how) I will just like it.
hope it uh helps, I guess. lol

 

[Z-A]

Sending ya virtual huggies wuggies >_< (if it helps ;/)

 

[peaceabc2]

ARCHIVES - Index

Check under suicide in que Q&A. It's good to know that we're not judged on the other side :)

 

[turbomightbegone]

i resonate with this post,, I too want to die in someone's arms, and i can understand why others would want that experience. the idea of dying alone scares me a lot.

nonetheless i hope you find someone if you decide to go with it. I hope you get that final sense of comfort from someone willing to give it. <3

 

[RemainingDubious]

I really want to be held in my last moments.

i don't think there's anything wrong with that, in fact i personally think the following sounds beautiful:

"Let me wake up in your arms
Hear you say, "It's not all right"
Let me be so dead and gone
So far away from life

Close my eyes
Hold me tight
And bury me deep inside your heart."



To have that as a final experience with the right person sound like bliss.

 

[LaughingGoat]

Should listen to the song To Die In Your Arms - A Pale Horse Named Death

 

[Red Moon]

I get what you're saying and I gave you a hug react.

 

[RoseGarden]

I get it. I've been called abusive for expressing the same thought. guess I'll be alone in the end

 

[Catlover124]

I can only give virtual hugs

 

[Didn't do NUFFIN]

This is just me venting so don't mind me but I really want to be held in my last moments.

The reason I'm looking for a partner in the partner megathread is for that sole reason. I often just daydream booking a hotel for the weekend and killing myself in that room, the most that would happen is I video call my ex and have a nice, pleasant chat with him while he doesn't know I'm dying in front of him.

I know it's cruel and it would hurt him but I wasn't someone who he fought to keep romantically. I know it's because he's had a lot of hurt and trauma which is why he couldn't love me but I still feel rejected all the same.

He gets so angry when I'm suicidal, when I tell him I have actual plans instead of just wishing to or when I say I'm active in forums like these. He'd yell at me and say "how could you? does it make you feel better you're helping those people kill themselves? I thought you'd be better." and I'd be overcome with guilt.

Maybe I'm just looking for someone that'll stroke my hair and tell me everything is going to be alright. Someone who won't get mad for my own suffering. I'm just so exhausted and I want to rest. That's all I want.

I won't complain dying alone. I'll still get to find my peace but. It would be nice to be held by someone. Life's already so cruel, if I could just have comfort and kindness before I die, it would be something I want.

Just wanted to share that.

This is just me venting so don't mind me but I really want to be held in my last moments.

The reason I'm looking for a partner in the partner megathread is for that sole reason. I often just daydream booking a hotel for the weekend and killing myself in that room, the most that would happen is I video call my ex and have a nice, pleasant chat with him while he doesn't know I'm dying in front of him.

I know it's cruel and it would hurt him but I wasn't someone who he fought to keep romantically. I know it's because he's had a lot of hurt and trauma which is why he couldn't love me but I still feel rejected all the same.

He gets so angry when I'm suicidal, when I tell him I have actual plans instead of just wishing to or when I say I'm active in forums like these. He'd yell at me and say "how could you? does it make you feel better you're helping those people kill themselves? I thought you'd be better." and I'd be overcome with guilt.

Maybe I'm just looking for someone that'll stroke my hair and tell me everything is going to be alright. Someone who won't get mad for my own suffering. I'm just so exhausted and I want to rest. That's all I want.

I won't complain dying alone. I'll still get to find my peace but. It would be nice to be held by someone. Life's already so cruel, if I could just have comfort and kindness before I die, it would be something I want.

Just wanted to share that.

If someone loved me i wouldn't want to kms. Hope you find someone to fulfill your wish.

 

[white_petals]

resonating with you tbh.. someone close, non-judgemental and understanding, who would say that it'd be OK and finally forgive me for everything before I go would be the only thing I'd ask for ever. sending virtual hugs

 

[takeyourshotfunboy]

Sending virtual hugs to you. I'm so sorry. I think I'm going to lay down in bed with one of my childhood stuffed animals when I OD for the same reason

 

[unrest]

i resonate with you very heavily. i think abt my plan & it all goes away everytime i think about being held in my lovers arms. i'd love to die in his arms but i don't want to traumatize him more than i have. sending hugs. you're not alone.

 

[Sarros]

I want to die, holding someone else, and to be held.
My ex has a lot of trauma, they couldn't stand being touched by me or in general. We broke up because I'm a very physical person and they couldn't provide that. But I accept I will likely die alone without knowing the warmth of another person.

 

[MM's the name]

I just discovered nihilism after becoming an atheist a few months and don't see much purpose in life, I got no friends and am an orphan.

I wouldn't mind granting you your wish, if we live close, since I have made up my mind on ending, if you'd like.

 

[itsneverbeenmoreove]

Oh man, this speaks to me a lot. I recentlyish went through an extremely rough break-up and one of my biggest motivations for the current method I wish to CTB (KCN orally), is that it would allow me to see my ex and be with her as I died. Legitimately it brings me more happiness than anything else, the idea of dying with her holding my hand, telling me she still cared about me even if it didn't work out, etc. At the same time, I feel horrible for wanting that. We had some problems in our relationship, and at least partially as a result of her childhood trauma, fights we had over the near decade we were dating weighed heavily on her to the point she couldn't stay with me. I also had issues of being manipulative of her in certain ways, and at least currently, she considers me to have been emotionally abusive. So doing this would just be confirmation of that I suppose.
And of course, the worst case scenario is that she truly hates me and wouldn't even sit with me, preferring instead to like... call the cops and leave me alone. And that would really suck I think. And unfortunately, as time has passed I believe that this might be the most likely scenario. She started going out with a new partner the same day she broke up with me (after saying I had no future and that I wasn't attractive) and has since been publicly flaunting that in addition to saying some pretty terrible things about me. Some of which are true, but some that are just flat out lies.

Sorry for filling your thread with my own personal story (or rather, a bit of it), but I just have really similar feelings, and the fact that I don't believe it would work out even close to the way I want is currently my biggest roadblock for CTB.