I want a joint

[Life_and_Death]

If I want a future with my SO I'm suppose to be quitting but I want a joint. As part of quitting I decided that I can choose to smoke up for the day or talk to him. I can only talk to him straight. But I want a joint and I just had 2 yesterday. I never not talk to him, if I take too many days away he'll notice and I can't handle too much time away. The only reason I chilled from needing him every 30mins is because I've been messing things up so bad we've been spending more time apart.
I'm feeling alone dealing with this. Thanks to my bpd he can't handle me (no one can) so I don't want to bother him about it because it might mess up my chances with him. The addictions pull is strong af though, and upsetting. It's like it wants me to be alone. "he doesn't need to know. Just don't tell him and smoke up whenever" all I have to say to my addiction "no. Because yeah that will go over well after I move in when I'm constantly sneaking out to get weed and smoke up. I'm sure he won't notice when I come back acting different either"
Aside from him, living means nothing to me. And it seems all I'm good at is messing it up.

 

[Britvik]

Having periods of abstinence will make you appreciate it more. It's good to detox a bit from time-to-time.

 

[stoiccactus]

I've been sober 12 years and it's still an uphill battle every day. Breaks are good to recalibrate.

 

[Life_and_Death]

@Britvik @stoiccactus thanks guys
I probably should have read this a little earlier my SO is busy and I wanted one

 

[roaming_soul]

I want a joint too Reading your thread made me feel less alone and weirdly put me back in control over my craving. 11 days and counting joint-free

 

[Negrathecat]

If I want a future with my SO I'm suppose to be quitting but I want a joint. As part of quitting I decided that I can choose to smoke up for the day or talk to him. I can only talk to him straight. But I want a joint and I just had 2 yesterday. I never not talk to him, if I take too many days away he'll notice and I can't handle too much time away. The only reason I chilled from needing him every 30mins is because I've been messing things up so bad we've been spending more time apart.
I'm feeling alone dealing with this. Thanks to my bpd he can't handle me (no one can) so I don't want to bother him about it because it might mess up my chances with him. The addictions pull is strong af though, and upsetting. It's like it wants me to be alone. "he doesn't need to know. Just don't tell him and smoke up whenever" all I have to say to my addiction "no. Because yeah that will go over well after I move in when I'm constantly sneaking out to get weed and smoke up. I'm sure he won't notice when I come back acting different either"
Aside from him, living means nothing to me. And it seems all I'm good at is messing it up.

I can relate so hard . I'm on and off with the weed and my partner is basically always high. I personally just wanna quit for me to try to be a healthier version of myself but anytime I'm with my partner I end up getting high. I guess I still do it so I don't ctb as sad as that sounds.

 

[dandan]

I can relate so hard . I'm on and off with the weed and my partner is basically always high. I personally just wanna quit for me to try to be a healthier version of myself but anytime I'm with my partner I end up getting high. I guess I still do it so I don't ctb as sad as that sounds.

I think it helps me too, but then I quit and feel fine but then any time I'm close to it I end up smoking. I'm two weeks off now :)

And feel cool

 

[us_1999]

I also want a joint... It's hard to get it in my country. I've been weed-free for a year. My friend is planing to grow some by herself so hopefully I'll get some this autumn.
Weed is good as a treat. But I don't want to feel anxious when don't have it, or guilty for smoking too much-- If so I turn a happy thing into a source of pressure : (
But it's just hard to be sober all day. I've been drinking beer every night...

 

[dandan]

I also want a joint... It's hard to get it in my country. I've been weed-free for a year. My friend is planing to grow some by herself so hopefully I'll get some this autumn.
Weed is good as a treat. But I don't want to feel anxious when don't have it, or guilty for smoking too much-- If so I turn a happy thing into a source of pressure : (
But it's just hard to be sober all day. I've been drinking beer every night...

I wanna be sober and cool, buy yeah sometimes it's hard and Damm....