Venting I wanna ctb but

[cylus46]

I want to kill myself.
There's so many things I want to end. So many things I don't want to experience anymore
I want all the expectations of me to end, I want the abuse to stop, I want the voices in my head telling me all the bad things to stop, I want to stop going to work, I want to stop worrying about my future, I want to stop feeling like a fucking failure, I want to stop feeling unstable and broken, I want to stop feeling this horrific loneliness.
But there's also so many things I want to experience and I feel like if I kill myself I won't be able to.
I want to go to Japan, I want to be alive to play gta 6. I want try this restaurant, I want to get better at this instrument, I want to make content someone will love and enjoy, I want to experience another chase atlantic album, most importantly i want to be in love again and i want to matter to someone...anyone

There's so many things that just make me wanna end my fucking life but there's things that make me not want to. But as time keeps ticking on, the list of things I want to do dwindles and the things that make me want to end it increase in numbers and severity.
Im so tired.

I'm so lonely.

 

[Mooncry]

I feel the same exact way. I'm torn in two directions… Like, I enjoy some things about life, and I wish my misery didn't exist so that I could keep enjoying them. It's so hard to say goodbye to the good things, even when the bad things are screaming in your face to just make it stop already.

Anyone who believes the act of taking one's own life is black and white is ignorant. It's so much grayer and more difficult than anyone who hasn't experienced it themselves could ever imagine. I hear you. I'm in the same boat. I wish I had something more useful to say…

 

[fleetingnight]

I understand this feeling. It's the worst. I hate feeling like something's holding me back, but I hate feeling pressured into dying too.

 

[cylus46]

I feel the same exact way. I'm torn in two directions… Like, I enjoy some things about life, and I wish my misery didn't exist so that I could keep enjoying them. It's so hard to say goodbye to the good things, even when the bad things are screaming in your face to just make it stop already.

Anyone who believes the act of taking one's own life is black and white is ignorant. It's so much grayer and more difficult than anyone who hasn't experienced it themselves could ever imagine. I hear you. I'm in the same boat. I wish I had something more useful to say…

Whats worse is you when you slowly start to notice the good things goes away and the bad things stay. Slowly but surely it happens.