I turn 25 next week and I am a complete loser

[fillthevoid]

When I was younger i always thought at 25 years old I will be living independently on my own in a different neighbourhood or even country, travelling around the world,having a stable career, a boyfriend who loves me and just be successful in life doing amazing things. When I was younger I really wanted to do big things with my life when I leave school. I wanted to go to university to study law which is what I did then do so many exciting things with my life. I didn't even meet a guy at university and feel apart after graduating university.

I turn 25 next week and I am a complete failure. My employer couldnt afford to keep me now I am unemployed and on welfare, never had a boyfriend and still a virgin, I am so immature for my age in so many ways.

I f*cking failed to have my life together. Its so embarrassing. 25 years and nothing to show for my life

My family say they are proud of me because I am not a young mother or in rehab like my other relatives in the family. My family can't even see how messed up I really am. No matter how much my body ages mentally I always feel like the unpopular werid teenage girl who was always rejected by guys and struggled to fit in anywhere.

I am catching the bus at 30. I don't want to see another decade.

I wish we could connect and be friends in person somehow. I relate so much to almost everything you say here... I feel much the same and have had similar life experiences and feelings...

 

[FireFox]

True. I guess they tried to make the virgin-status, which nowadays is often seen as a shameful/bad thing into something to be proud of. I think it's neither, it's just neutral. One doesn't have to suck in these kind of beliefs from the outside world. Whether you're 20, 30 or 40 years old and still a virgin, it honestly doesn't matter. It doesn't make you more or less of a loser whether you've ever had sex or not even if others think so.

You see the absurdity of this when even many men in the lower socio-economic status(drug addicts/outcasts) consider themselves successful only for having a lot of sex despite everything else in their life being utter shit. It doesn't seem worthwhile to me to think less of yourself for being a virgin. Just my 2 cents.

@Fengshuiside
Being an adult virgin is just nothing but an awful physical reminder of how I was never seen as pretty by the guys and always the person who gets rejected. Seeing everyone have relationships at school it was like everyone was growing up except me. My childhood friend ended up going to the same high school as me she got a boyfriend in the first term along with new friends and after a while she pretty much stopped hanging out with me spent time with her boyfriend and new friends.

Growing up I was made fun of by other girls my age because I didn't have boyfriends or sexual relationships they had. I did feel like an outsider because girls were having relationships and I didn't. In western society adult virginity is mocked and society sees you as this freak or something wrong you.

Being the unpopular girl at school it was difficult to build relationships because the school population didn't like me.

When I was 16 I really liked this boy in school because I liked how intelligent and funny he was. Everyone in the school could see i liked him a lot and did talk about us especially the fact he was in the upper sixth year 13 ( called senior year in America) and i was in the lower sixth( year 12) . The more I got closer and talked to him at school the more I noticed he kept pushing me away, I couldn't understand why.

One day we had massive explosive argument at school with me screaming the school down because he hurt me and humiliated me in front of the school. After our argument he gave me the look of pure disgust and disapproval. That look he gave me that day spoke far more than words ever could it was transparent he was disgusted at me and ashamed of me, slowly it began to sick in he was just like everyone else in the school who thought I was the werid girl. I was hurt not because he humiliated me but because I thought he was different from everyone in the school.

On reddit men even made fun of me for still being a virgin in my 20s. In the real world people get shocked when I tell them I never had a relationship. I am a freak.

 

[freedompass]

Aww big virtual hug for you. The most f*cked up thing is older people tell me that they wish they were my age again. 20s f*cking suck and I am not enjoying them at all.

This older person would never wish for my 20's back. Probably the worst decade of my life, maybe because you have to adjust your expectations of yourself and life itself. Maybe because it's all new, fresh and painful before you develop a tougher skin and/or learn to numb yourself to 'adult' life. Generally I have found in life that if you set your expectations low then any minor good fortune is a bonus and you have less far to fall.

Bear in mind OP that as time goes on the achievements of peers become less of a concern. Try to block them out as best you can, they are not better than you and you are not 'less than'. Ultimately we are all headed for the exact same place. All 'goals' 'achievements' 'success' negated and mocked by death. The great leveller.

 

[Sleeper System]

You will find many people here who will offer you support and kind words. We're all losers in our own way. To me, based on what you've told us, you're being too hard on yourself. As many of us often are. You project a good image to your family and that is good. You also understand yourself well enough to know that you fall short in some things and that is also good. It means you are not delusional. Reality is a cruel lesson and if we're taught it at a young age then we would have never had hope to begin with. You are smart and you have drive and you have time. Focus on your goals and you can at the very least.. lead a comfortable life.

 

[FireFox]

This older person would never wish for my 20's back. Probably the worst decade of my life, maybe because you have to adjust your expectations of yourself and life itself. Maybe because it's all new, fresh and painful before you develop a tougher skin and/or learn to numb yourself to 'adult' life. Generally I have found in life that if you set your expectations low then any minor good fortune is a bonus and you have less far to fall.

Bear in mind OP that as time goes on the achievements of peers become less of a concern. Try to block them out as best you can, they are not better than you and you are not 'less than'. Ultimately we are all headed for the exact same place. All 'goals' 'achievements' 'success' negated and mocked by death. The great leveller.

@freedompass

Thank you so much your reply means so much to me. I hate this month so much birthday month is the absolute worst. The worst thing is on my last birthday i mentioned how anxious and depressed I am about turning 24 all the older people in my family kept dismissing my anxieties and all these feelings I expressed.

In the past I reached out to my university friends about being depressed and suicidal after my 21st birthday. One of my friends stopped talking to me and another just acted like the whole thing never happened.

I feel like nobody cares and I am on my own really. I just want June to come already because this month is the worst because its the month of my birthday.

I spend the day of my birthday pretending to be happy and everyone actually believes it. They think I was over reacting.
This month worsens my suicidal thoughts and depression even more. Its reminder of how my disappointing my entire life is really. Suicide at 30 is the best option for me because I am not going through another decade anymore.

 

[FireFox]

You will find many people here who will offer you support and kind words. We're all losers in our own way. To me, based on what you've told us, you're being too hard on yourself. As many of us often are. You project a good image to your family and that is good. You also understand yourself well enough to know that you fall short in some things and that is also good. It means you are not delusional. Reality is a cruel lesson and if we're taught it at a young age then we would have never had hope to begin with. You are smart and you have drive and you have time. Focus on your goals and you can at the very least.. lead a comfortable life.

@Dreamer
This the only forum where I can truly express my feelings without being judged. In the real world nobody wants to listen or take my feelings seriously.

The days leading up to my birthday the more worse I feel. I hate this month and want June to come already.

I can't stop thinking of all mistakes I have made throughout the 24 years I have been alive. The regrets intensify as the years go on. The realisation i wasted my life is overwhelmingly difficult to cope with. I didn't do anything big with my life when i hit my 20s and that is why I am so disappointed. I don't want to see another decade which is why I plan to kill myself at 30.

I can't stop thinking of all the times men rejected throughout my life and all the pain it has left. Before I was even born my own father didn't want me and even wished I died. As a teenager the guys I liked rejected me or ignored me. I actually cared about the guys I liked, talked to them and really took an interest in who they are as people but they never did the same for me.

At 15 I liked a boy because I thought he was cool and fun to be around. He was always happy to see this girl who had blonde hair and blue eyes than he was with me whenever i talked to him. All the boys liked her and she wasn't even a nice person and was actually hostilie towards me.

At 16 when I was a sixth former( A levels in high school)in year in 12 I really liked this boy in the upper sixth which is a person's final year of sixth form. I absoultely loved him because he was smart, really funny and so much more. I was always talking to him and people in the school could see I clearly liked him. I couldn't understand why he started to push me away during break time. I really thought he was different but it turned out in the end he was just like everyone else in the school population who thought I was the werid crazy girl and didn't want anything to do with me anymore. That is what hurt the most and still does.

In adulthood its the same. I ask guys out and they dump me at the last minute of the date I organised. I take an interest in a guy they just push me always or ignore me. All the times I remember at university of guys dumping me at the last minute of the date I organised and pretty much forgot me and never talked to me again.

I am naturally confident as a person but still my personality will never be enough. Every guy wants a beautiful girlfriend whereas a woman like me has no chance. Being a brown skinned woman with brown eyes and black hair I always feel my appearance is so plain and boring compared to that woman with blonde hair and blue eyes or red hair, living in a European country doesn't help either.

More men continue be exposed to multiple images of super attractive women in the porn videos they stream on their devices,the only fans accounts they subscribe to and other platforms of attractive women the end result is men will have higher demands of what they want in a woman.

I know its too late for me. Mentally I always be that unpopular werid teenage girl that none of the boys wanted. At 30 that is why I am killing myself because I don't want to see another decade. Dating is harder at 30 as a woman so I know my life is over at 30.

I think you're badass though. I really admire you for your strengths. Yes I know you had a lot to deal with and it's upsetting it ruined your development socially and there is a lot of trauma but I just think you shouldn't be so hard on yourself because you're courageous you are VERY brave I think if you were in USA you would climb social latter fine because you kick ass lol. I wish I was near you in my youth I'm 5 years older than you but if I was near you I'd be your friend and I think you would have helped me get a back bone. I was terrified of standing up to the bullies. You are BRAVE I'm a coward and I'm bitter realizing I had nothing to lose I wish I carried a pocket knife to school and knew karate to kick their asses. I felt so horrible my grades were bad. People Threw paper at me, threw things at me because of my acne and being quiet. A boy came up to me and asked why I don't talk to people I shrugged I was quiet to be safe as I felt I was prey.

Because I was being abused I would cry at home at night praying for people to leave me alone I turned to video games and skipped school days. Finally HS was over and then yeah those awful mistakes with men because I had no real friends to lean on I was vulnerable and lonely.


But you are badass you said you're in UK? Man I really admire your strength I think you should keep going something great may happen for you you're strong

@Journeytoletgo

Awww big virtual hug

Don't feel bad everyone is different some people can fight and others can't. Those who can't fights we should be looking out for them had society had this attitude we would be a much better world.

-Trust me fighting back led to all kinds of problems I got into trouble at school a lot for fighting back. The school made regular phone calls and letters to my mum over my bad behaviour and fighting sometimes i had to stop my teachers from making the phone calls by fixing the situation. Schools are useless when it comes bullying and tend to act only when threatened with serious action . One bully stopped because my mother came to the school and threatened to go to school governors board. The boy was a racist bully that is what led to my mum coming down to the school. The boy stopped racially bullying me but he continued to racially bully the other kids across the school, the teachers were just didnt punish severely him. I think teachers are scared of the pupils who do the bullying.

I couldn't report everything to my mum everytime I was builled like come on because she would end up coming down to the school which is embrassing,. That is how I got into regular fights and arguments at school defending myself. The people in the school were a nightmare.

- I had to deal with one of my own friends being mad at me for distrputing the class than at the bully who started it

In adulthood it damaged me so much in terms of self esstem. I long for belonging and to be desired.

I live in the UK

 

[FireFox]

I wish we could connect and be friends in person somehow. I relate so much to almost everything you say here... I feel much the same and have had similar life experiences and feelings...

@fillthevoid
If you can relate to what I have written then that is great :)
We can be friends my dms are always open if you want a friend to talk to.
In the real world I can't even express my feelings because people around me just don't want to listen and also just don't understand.

I just want this month to end and June to come. I deeply disappointed in how my life turned out to be. The closer my birthday nears the worse I absoultely feel

 

[ncmxm]

@FireFox I'm in a similar situation. I'm turning 25 in less than a month, I dropped out of uni, my job pays like shit, I don't have any friends and never had any, at school I was also the weird girl who was ignored, I'm still a virgin at my age

In addition to all this I'm unattractive and stupid

I'm really sorry it's like this for you, I wanted to show you that you're definitely not alone

I hope things can change for you, we're still young, maybe we can still turn it all around and get all those experiences we want

My upcoming birthday is making me sad too, if you want a distraction prior to/on your birthday feel free to pm me and just chat/vent, only if you want to of course :)

 

[FireFox]

@FireFox I'm in a similar situation. I'm turning 25 in less than a month, I dropped out of uni, my job pays like shit, I don't have any friends and never had any, at school I was also the weird girl who was ignored, I'm still a virgin at my age

In addition to all this I'm unattractive and stupid

I'm really sorry it's like this for you, I wanted to show you that you're definitely not alone

I hope things can change for you, we're still young, maybe we can still turn it all around and get all those experiences we want

My upcoming birthday is making me sad too, if you want a distraction prior to/on your birthday feel free to pm me and just chat/vent, only if you want to of course :)

@ncmxm
Dropping out of university is more common than think it is such a shame society does not talk more about this issue. When I was at university I mixed quite a lot with student population. In the first year of university I saw people drop out as the months went on, others changed courses, some transfered universities and yes there were many others who also failed first year. As the years went on my university class began to shrink more and more because people were dropping out. I know people who didn't go to the same university I did and saw similar things to the examples I have given.

You can go to university at any age. There was this woman in my university class and she was in her 50s. At university I saw some mothers in their 30s studying for a degree.

It is such a shame the school system cannot be honest with fact university is not easy.

You are not alone ok don't feel bad.

 

[Judy Garland]

I turn 38 in less than 9 days and I'm a complete loser.