I truly believe that I am a weak person

[Ariii]

I haven't really gone through anything too bad in life. I have an objectively good life in comparison to 99% of people. Obviously, it isn't perfect, but it is truly good. Yet, somehow, I am still on this forum, have been for a year plus, doom posting about my life.

I believe that if we were back in that hunter-gather period, I would be one of those people who contribute nothing, but survives by the 'power of love' (being taken care of by the group).

That or I am downplaying the bad parts of my life, I am not sure which one it is haha

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I get it. I've attempted multiple times and ended up on here despite not having had that bad of a life. I have a lot in life to be grateful for. The thing is, you can't control whether or not you end up suicidal, let alone can you force yourself into enjoying existence. These aren't things that only come about as a result of severe trauma and a horrible life.

 

[TheHolySword]

i understand this. i have a decent job, family who loves me. i live at home and dont have a ton of expenses. even growing up i had a good childhood. there's just not a lot of reason for me to be here on the surface. i think im weak too. i think this world is just too much for me. i could never overcome this depression, its been dragging me down for far too long.

 

[s00ngone]

I haven't really gone through anything too bad in life. I have an objectively good life in comparison to 99% of people. Obviously, it isn't perfect, but it is truly good. Yet, somehow, I am still on this forum, have been for a year plus, doom posting about my life.

I believe that if we were back in that hunter-gather period, I would be one of those people who contribute nothing, but survives by the 'power of love' (being taken care of by the group).

That or I am downplaying the bad parts of my life, I am not sure which one it is haha

I hear you. The guilt has been getting to me more and more lately knowing my SN payment went through and it should be on its way. I've been picturing myself gone for months now, trying to approach it from every angle to understand a) how I've reached this point and b) what I can possibly do to make it easier for my family. It's surreal living in advance of your own departure. I'm numb, emotionless, careless (but still empathetic... haha...) but I must seem relatively, maybe even entirely normal to everyone. Makes me wonder whether I'm some kind of sociopath or was one all along.

Suffice to say, "good fortune" doesn't preclude the weight of the world on your shoulders. I wish I could survive by the power of love, haha. I've often wished that someone would just live my life for me. Wouldn't be much of a life that way, though, I guess.