I told you nkt tl take jt off god d*** it just f*****g die already

[StoicPizza]

Ligature strangulation with torniquette for multiple hours every night. Leaves marks. Closes sinuses. Gets dizzy. Feeling kf blood pooling in a spot of my head. But this mother f****r won't pass out and die. F*** this meatbag body. I choose to leave it. I am not his body. I am separate, and I can leave any time I choose. Unless, maybe he did die and his consciousness went to the reality where he survived. That would be a theory to consider. Maybe his consciousness can't leave his body until the story comes to it's naturally intended conclusion. I'm not supposed to be one of these people. All we have is family. Don't abandon your family, ever. It leads to the abandoned party CTB

 

[setspiritfree]

Ligature strangulation with torniquette for multiple hours every night. Leaves marks. Closes sinuses. Gets dizzy. Feeling kf blood pooling in a spot of my head. But this mother f****r won't pass out and die. F*** this meatbag body. I choose to leave it. I am not his body. I am separate, and I can leave any time I choose. Unless, maybe he did die and his consciousness went to the reality where he survived. That would be a theory to consider. Maybe his consciousness can't leave his body until the story comes to it's naturally intended conclusion. I'm not supposed to be one of these people. All we have is family. Don't abandon your family, ever. It leads to the abandoned party CTB

I lost my family as well. My wife told me to leave when she found out I relapsed on drugs. I told her thinking that she would be happy that I was Finally being honest with her but the exact opposite happened. Now I am too far off the deep end to come back. I hate you are going through this because I know how it feels. This is torture. I hope we find peace one day soon.

 

[StoicPizza]

How f*****g long do I have to lay here feeling increasing pain and discomfort but not dying. I keep undoing it after 15 mins and trying it in another position
This time his breathing was stopping. Then he started twitching and pulled it off

 

[StoicPizza]

I'm so tired. Tired from lack of food and nutrients. I used to have an abundance of everything. Food, water, lived at my sister's immaculate house, had extras and entertainment even. No distractions work at this apartment. Tired from hurting myself but not dying. Tired from the trauma. Tired thinking about facing the adult world again tomorrow. I don't wanna be here for that anymore.
Wish somebody would accompany me and hold my hand, tell me it's okay. And that I can leave now. I'm not alone when I die. I imagine my team of loved ones around my bed. Maybe picture favorite characters, or hell, even Jesus at my side. I'm not really religious like that tho. And I'll try to go away from the light if I see one, so as to not be caught in a reincarnation trap. I refuse to come back again. To any body. At least for some time. I suppose time can't be measured in the void.
Option: take antipsychotic, sleep, face another day of terror in declining circumstances

Option: keep attempting CTB and maybe failing again, causing pain exhaustion and possibly more trauma

 

[StoicPizza]

That time of night has come. Where i can try try again. But. I worry I did damage last night. Because I've had distinct headaches all day, and extreme fatigue from simple things. I don't wanna keep doing more damage and not CTB