I told my friend I’m planning on CTB and instead she offered to fly me to her state so we could live together

[LakeMungoGirl]

Little bit of a rant post. Some background about me: I'm nineteen years old, been majorly disabled for about six years with severe C-PTSD, OCD, anxiety, TMJ-D, tinnitus, hyperacusis, etc. etc. my medical records more or less read like an encyclopedia.

Despite everything I'm faced with, my parents (who are devoutly religious Scientologists and my first abusers; the cause of all of my physical injuries and have never sincerely apologized for anything) refuse to believe that I cannot function at a normal level and have recently threatened to render me homeless should I not complete a checklist of demands within the next two months, many of which are unattainable given my current abilities. I've been suicidal for a while due to my condition but this sent me over the edge, and within a few days I had a plan to CTB that I feel pretty confident would succeed.

I confided in my best friend about this as I wanted to prepare her for my departure so as not to blindside her, and although she understands why I'm suicidal and respects my autonomy, she still didn't take it well. She told me I'm the most important person in her life; that she couldn't cope should I kill myself. She begged me to reconsider and has now even offered to fly me to her state and provide me whatever I need to survive. I'm incredibly grateful for her generosity as I understand many people in positions similar to mine, disabled or not, aren't given such opportunities.

I warned her there's still a good chance I may kill myself. She said she doesn't care: she wants to try to help me anyway.

I honestly feel pretty selfish because one of my motivators for moving in with her is I actually think in her state I'll have more resources available should I still want to CTB, but I'm also kind of excited. It feels like an adventure. I've seldom left my bed for the last four years, so this is going to be a big change for me. Even if I still end up CBT, at least I can spend my final days with the one person who has never doubted me or made me feel like I deserved the shitty cards I was given. She's the most pure thing I have in my life and I hope to God I don't end up breaking her.

 

[ilovenewyork]

This is great! I'm happy for you.

 

[Pony Slaystation]

Wonderful to hear.

 

[Cyrene]

I'm so happy so you! She sounds like an amazing friend!!

 

[SpanishLullaby]

Support can be healing to the soul. Maybe thats EXACTLY what you need right now. Take them up on the offer. Just be prepared that you may not be able to return home ever (not that it sounds like a place you'd ever want to return to.) I just mention it so that you are prepared to be on your own from here on.

Sounds like it would be much healthier for you anyway based on your current situation. I wish you luck. You only need one GREAT friend to make a difference in your life!

 

[Worndown]

This might be when a window closes and a door opens.
When are you leaving!

 

[kuroshimi]

Sounds wonderful! She is an awesome friend.

 

[LakeMungoGirl]

This might be when a window closes and a door opens.
When are you leaving!

I'll likely be leaving in January! Just have to get a new ID card so I can travel. I'm very excited.

 

[WrathfulGloom32]

This post actually made my day

 

[LakeMungoGirl]

This post actually made my day

Aw. :) I'm so glad to hear it!

 

[U. A.]

Hope this is the start of positive change for you. As you say, it seems like best of both worlds; some support with a caring person, and better chances to exit life should all else fail.

Because I have experienced similar things though, I want to add a part two which you can ignore if you don't want any parade-rain:

Spoiler: unsolicited raincloud

Knowing nothing about your friend or your relationship, this seems like there might be a strong savior component at play. Not always but often are such people deeply needing something in their own souls that they feel they can acquire by helping others, and sometimes they are not in fact adequately equipped to actually help others the way they need to be helped. She may not understand the amount or nature of support you will need, or think she does and that she can deliver but end up being wrong. She may burn out, things may sour. Hopefully she doesn't take it out on you, but she may also make self-sacrifices that could hurt you to see.

Just some possibilities to be prepared for. I guess in the end you may exit anyway, so no worse for wear in trying to live.

 

[Unlucky777]

That's the kind of friend we all need. I'm so happy that you have a friend that is so loving and caring.

 

[thefarter]

so happy for u she sounds so sweeet :3 i hope u have an awesome life together

 

[Jisatsu]

I honestly love seeing stories like this , I really hope things get better for you in a new environment and with someone who genuinely cares for you.

 

[moonsun]

this is so pure like you are truly blessed buddy not every one gets this so happy for you.
whatever decision you make i hope you always be in peace

 

[babydoctor]

That's truly awesome, I hope your adventure is a fun one!

 

[twistedtransistor47]

Go for it!!!!! This could be a magical life changing moment for you!! So happy this opportunity was brought to you and I'm so sorry to hear about all the other stuff especially your parents. I actually gasped in horror when you said "devoutly religious scientologists".

 

[idkwatimdoinghere]

Little bit of a rant post. Some background about me: I'm nineteen years old, been majorly disabled for about six years with severe C-PTSD, OCD, anxiety, TMJ-D, tinnitus, hyperacusis, etc. etc. my medical records more or less read like an encyclopedia.

Despite everything I'm faced with, my parents (who are devoutly religious Scientologists and my first abusers; the cause of all of my physical injuries and have never sincerely apologized for anything) refuse to believe that I cannot function at a normal level and have recently threatened to render me homeless should I not complete a checklist of demands within the next two months, many of which are unattainable given my current abilities. I've been suicidal for a while due to my condition but this sent me over the edge, and within a few days I had a plan to CTB that I feel pretty confident would succeed.

I confided in my best friend about this as I wanted to prepare her for my departure so as not to blindside her, and although she understands why I'm suicidal and respects my autonomy, she still didn't take it well. She told me I'm the most important person in her life; that she couldn't cope should I kill myself. She begged me to reconsider and has now even offered to fly me to her state and provide me whatever I need to survive. I'm incredibly grateful for her generosity as I understand many people in positions similar to mine, disabled or not, aren't given such opportunities.

I warned her there's still a good chance I may kill myself. She said she doesn't care: she wants to try to help me anyway.

I honestly feel pretty selfish because one of my motivators for moving in with her is I actually think in her state I'll have more resources available should I still want to CTB, but I'm also kind of excited. It feels like an adventure. I've seldom left my bed for the last four years, so this is going to be a big change for me. Even if I still end up CBT, at least I can spend my final days with the one person who has never doubted me or made me feel like I deserved the shitty cards I was given. She's the most pure thing I have in my life and I hope to God I don't end up breaking her.

You have a great friend. I hope you give it a chance. Rooting for you

 

[XiaroX]

I had a similar situation, where someone offered me a chance. Sometimes I worried I ruined his life, but he says he actually feels I helped him, opened up his life, broken as I was, that I have unique qualities and compassion that society can't always recognize, and definitely doesn't give prizes or rewards to. If she thinks you have something beautiful to offer, believe her, and be open to adventure. I don't know if I'm being naive, because over time, I did get worse, and although we are still friends, actually, he's my only friend, and I am not sure if he will break down himself due to grief of not being able to help me. But slow deaths are difficult for all who care, and that's part of life and other illnesses, and some people accept this. It can be part of what it means to love - and by that I don't just mean one kind of love.

 

[stack-audio]

I dunno where all these nice people come from, everyone I've ever meet are arseholes and genuinely don't give a shit about anyone but themselves, so you look after her and make sure you don't end up in a situation of a joint suicide. All the best for you're future.

 

[doomedforsure]

what a fantastic friend
wish i got one like you