I remember 2 years ago, i was excited because it was going to be my first day at college, before that i had experienced a phase of my life in isolation, 5 years in total, i lost all my social skills and had a lot of social anxiety, but I believed that if i tried hard enough everything will be okay again.
But the world being the way it is, greeted me with the worst people I could have met at the time, Obviously I was clumsy, I stuttered from time to time, it was difficult for me to maintain eye contact, but I always tried to be friendly and kind, the people I interacted with in the other hand were very harsh with me, I must clarify that I do not hold a grudge against them, but I feel that I didn't really deserve the way I was treated, this wasn't just from classmates but also with teachers. After a few weeks I just got discouraged and stopped attending college, I pretended to be attending for my family, which It really affected my mental health, which wasn't very good before, But i was too low that I did things I had never done before, like self harm or starting to browse sites like this.
I imagined that it would be a new stage of my life, that I would meet people, that I would learn and everything would go well, but it was the opposite, a year ago I resumed my studies, however I still cannot maintain a stable friendship or any kind of relationship, Honestly, I've already given up on looking for human connection, maybe I don't even deserve it, maybe im just a bad person and i don't know it.
The only thing I have always maintained is that feeling of being lost in life
But the world being the way it is, greeted me with the worst people I could have met at the time, Obviously I was clumsy, I stuttered from time to time, it was difficult for me to maintain eye contact, but I always tried to be friendly and kind, the people I interacted with in the other hand were very harsh with me, I must clarify that I do not hold a grudge against them, but I feel that I didn't really deserve the way I was treated, this wasn't just from classmates but also with teachers. After a few weeks I just got discouraged and stopped attending college, I pretended to be attending for my family, which It really affected my mental health, which wasn't very good before, But i was too low that I did things I had never done before, like self harm or starting to browse sites like this.
I imagined that it would be a new stage of my life, that I would meet people, that I would learn and everything would go well, but it was the opposite, a year ago I resumed my studies, however I still cannot maintain a stable friendship or any kind of relationship, Honestly, I've already given up on looking for human connection, maybe I don't even deserve it, maybe im just a bad person and i don't know it.
The only thing I have always maintained is that feeling of being lost in life
