I think why suicide follows me, maybe this is the reason why It follows people who are not totally hopeless too.

[actual_fox]

I think I used to live when only one state was possible and from there I could judge what should I do and what are the options: Life.
I did not have any other state accessible to me and could not think about other possibilities then to do whatever I can to make my life better.

Once death was introduced, first through fear and idea that death is somehow failure, then as inevitability, then as sinful temptation- something forbidden and evil.
I figured out that there is the other state- death, which is unknowable. All I knew is that dead people are- 1. Not here. 2. Not suffering (I had to stop all religious programming)

 

[SarRy]

Well, I've never heard a dead person complain.

 

[madebrief]

It's the manner of death. Although a dead person might not complain, I'm certain every person in this world wants to go peacefully rather than finding difficult, gruesome alternatives.

actual_fox is right, once death is introduced, your mindset completely changes.

I like the not suffering part.

It's family I know that will suffer that just going to have to get over the barrier.

 

[actual_fox]

I like the not suffering part.

It's family I know that will suffer that just going to have to get over the barrier.

Well It is true that family will suffer, but I intentionally left It out because I wanted to focus on why people start considering suicide. I did not want to dwell into morals of It or effects.

To go over the barrier- I meant that barrier of pain, fear, shame and guilt that occurs when one considers suicide. The family would of course grief, as well as friends.

What also might happen is the destruction of paradigm of life when close persons ctbs. They also need to wonder why did the person commit so much will and force to bring death on themselves. It is against all instincts. It would be much harder to get in terms with then having to deal with accidental death.

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide is appealing as after all we will all die eventually anyway so I see it as being preferable to exit at a time of my own choosing rather than at a time out of my control. Suicide is taking control over a life that we never asked for, so much in life is out of our control as life is largely determined by luck and chance but the one thing that we can control is the time in which we die.

I think that if someone considers suicide as an option at some point, the person will always view it as an option and it will be somewhere in the back of their mind regardless of what is going on in their life. But I would prefer death to any kind of life because of course I believe that there is simply nothing after this and the absence of everything is ideal to me.

 

[MidnightDream]

I'm not sure I 100% understand your post, but at the same time I feel like I 100% relate to it.

 

[actual_fox]

I'm not sure I 100% understand your post, but at the same time I feel like I 100% relate to it.

When you are born and have typical up bringing then you do not think about death and just take punches of life and throw some. When you start thinking about dying It can occur that It might be better then life. From there It stays as an option for you when you feel really down.

 

[absurd_to_the_end]

This is a great observation. We're hard-wired to seek life. It takes shitty circumstances, whatever they are, to steer us towards another choice, but once that's in play, it's hard to put the genie back in the bottle. And it explains why others don't get it - it's unfathomable to them that that's an option at all.

 

[HoneyandGlass]

I think suicide is in my DNA. I learnt about death early in life and I've had a fascination with it ever since. A number of people in my blood family have chosen suicide so I believe it to be in my DNA.

 

[NoLightRemains]

Well It is true that family will suffer, but I intentionally left It out because I wanted to focus on why people start considering suicide. I did not want to dwell into morals of It or effects.

To go over the barrier- I meant that barrier of pain, fear, shame and guilt that occurs when one considers suicide. The family would of course grief, as well as friends.

What also might happen is the destruction of paradigm of life when close persons ctbs. They also need to wonder why did the person commit so much will and force to bring death on themselves. It is against all instincts. It would be much harder to get in terms with then having to deal with accidental death.

I can definitely relate to this thread. Once it really sunk in why those close to me chose to CTB, I have never been able to get suicide out of my mind. Sure, I had suicidal thoughts throughout my life, but it didn't feel possible for ME to do. And every option sounded painful and traumatic. But now that I have seen people close to me succeed, it has made me realize I can succeed also.

Freedom from suffering is now a real option, and it tempts me daily. It's like a tree with forbidden fruit that I could never reach, but my friends left behind the ladder.

 

[assisted]

I'm confused

 

[actual_fox]

Freedom from suffering is now a real option, and it tempts me daily. It's like a tree with forbidden fruit that I could never reach, but my friends left behind the ladder.

Your post makes me think: maybe reason why suicide is so forbidden is because It is so much easier then life for some and one death could spread. I think I have heard about those suicides in some small villages where multiple people would die - like a chain reaction. One sees the other loose hope and also looses hope.

I'm confused

What are you confused about? I can explain

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, I can relate. I was fairly young when I first considered it (aged 10). I didn't have a very strict religious upbringing, although I certainly grew up with the idea that suicide was 'wrong' and even punishable in the afterlife. My first time contemplating it did frighten me. Then I suppose I just became comfortable with the thought of it and now it's my go-to 'solution' for just about anything. Like that quote from 'The Matrix'- it's like a splinter in my mind.

 

[actual_fox]

My first time contemplating it did frighten me. Then I suppose I just became comfortable with the thought of it and now it's my go-to 'solution' for just about anything

Lol exactly this. I cannot think a better way to live my life then to do what I gotta do an exit. I just can't. The power ctb gives me is just too great. I feel that I could do something and have some control instead of having to just endure life I do not feel doing.

 

[assisted]

What are you confused about? I can explain

All of it I want to understand

 

[akirat9]

Well, I've never heard a dead person complain.

「死んだ人は泣かない」
'dead people don't cry'
-sh3

 

[locked*n*loaded]

「死んだ人は泣かない」
'dead people don't cry'
-sh3

None of us truly know that dead people don't cry. We have no idea, and cannot know, if dead people suffer, or not, or if they complain, or not. We have no idea where dead people are, if they are anywhere, in fact. All we have is our beliefs of what comes after death, or if nothing comes after death. I can hear the hate posts already.

 

[actual_fox]

All of it I want to understand

When you are born and live in status quo society then you are surrounded by prolifers. Just be definition. You know, people who tell you how to live. They all fear death and they give this fear to you because they are worried you will die and for them It would be terrible. So you grow up believing that death is worse then life and It should not be considered, or If so then as a failure. But later you notice that when people die they cannot be sad or suffer to our knowledge. So You think If dying too would grant you that. You hear from outside that thinking that is wrong and sign of illness. But you cannot stop thinking about It anyways. So now you broke the stigma and can freely think of possibility of dying. Now You can compare being dead (hopefully free of pain) to living (pain) and see that death might be a solution to a problem you felt hopeless about. So now you cannot rule this option even If you wanted because It is much easier in comparison.

 

[assisted]

When you are born and live in status quo society then you are surrounded by prolifers. Just be definition. You know, people who tell you how to live. They all fear death and they give this fear to you because they are worried you will die and for them It would be terrible. So you grow up believing that death is worse then life and It should not be considered, or If so then as a failure. But later you notice that when people die they cannot be sad or suffer to our knowledge. So You think If dying too would grant you that. You hear from outside that thinking that is wrong and sign of illness. But you cannot stop thinking about It anyways. So now you broke the stigma and can freely think of possibility of dying. Now You can compare being dead (hopefully free of pain) to living (pain) and see that death might be a solution to a problem you felt hopeless about. So now you cannot rule this option even If you wanted because It is much easier in comparison.

ohhhh this makes sense thank you for explaining! i agree