I haven't ate in 5 hours and I have two fentanyl laced percocets. I'm gonna drink a little liquor, make my note and order my last meal. It's so easy to make this decision on impulse now that I only have one real connection remaining in my life, I only have to write one note! I laid the pills out on the bed. I'm thinking about scheduling "sorry I killed myself bye" texts for some of my more superficial connections, but I'm not sure if I should just leave them in the dark and just let them hear through the grapevine. I'm gonna pop one of the pills and snort the other.
My plug won't text me back and I'm out of weed and I haven't confronted the worsening emotions for months, which is the real reason for this current suicidal impulse. I'd rather just pop the pills and get this over with than sit here all night, unable to sleep, dealing with month's worth of piled up feelings of despair and loneliness that I can feel sitting on my chest.
19 long years, I can't stand another one. I honestly didn't even think it would get to this point where I lost any sense of hope, connection or pride in my life. Every goal I've ever worked towards I have misreably failed at. I feel nothing all day and I have no trajectory, I have lost everything in my life that wasn't superficial, that actually matters, besides my Mom. I used to want to stay alive until she died so she wouldn't have to feel that pain, but honestly I can't even feel the empathy for her anymore. She shouldn't have brought me into this world in the first place if she wanted to avoid this. I used to have a few people and activities in my life to distract me from doing this, but they are long gone, as well as the opportunities to find those things/people again.
What should my last meal be?
My plug won't text me back and I'm out of weed and I haven't confronted the worsening emotions for months, which is the real reason for this current suicidal impulse. I'd rather just pop the pills and get this over with than sit here all night, unable to sleep, dealing with month's worth of piled up feelings of despair and loneliness that I can feel sitting on my chest.
19 long years, I can't stand another one. I honestly didn't even think it would get to this point where I lost any sense of hope, connection or pride in my life. Every goal I've ever worked towards I have misreably failed at. I feel nothing all day and I have no trajectory, I have lost everything in my life that wasn't superficial, that actually matters, besides my Mom. I used to want to stay alive until she died so she wouldn't have to feel that pain, but honestly I can't even feel the empathy for her anymore. She shouldn't have brought me into this world in the first place if she wanted to avoid this. I used to have a few people and activities in my life to distract me from doing this, but they are long gone, as well as the opportunities to find those things/people again.
What should my last meal be?
