Discussion I Think the Problem for Many People Here Is That They’re *Too* Nice

[Celerity]

I just got home from my shitty call center job and I got to thinking about how much it pays to be a genuinely kind person in this world.

For better or for worse, this world actively punishes kindness from what I've seen of it. When I look back over my own life, I see the same general pattern. Setting aside times I really flew off a handle and made an ass of myself, being aggressive and selfish has helped me more than it hurt, and I can't count how many times being kind has gotten me harassed, mocked, or actively punished.

I only have a few short years left, and I'm not going to spend one more second being a fucking sucker so that someone can take advantage of me. I encourage you to do the same. A lot of the posts on here speak of a lifetime of abuse followed by people pleasing behavior. I wish the world weren't like this for sure, but it is what it is. If it were fixable, we wouldn't be leaving it, would we?

 

[nex]

It's not like being nice is always a bad thing. Back in the days, kindness and respect were what made some people become true friends. As a motorcycle clothes salesman, being respectful and taking customers seriously was what made them trust me, develop a friendly/relatively pleasant returning customer relationship to me, even sometimes trying to give me tips when I didn't really want any.

But I can see that a call center job is a very different thing. I wonder how anyone can take that for any prolonged time. I imagine that sort of job would just break me and become really cynical and misanthropic.

So I think there are situations where kindness pays off, but yeah sadly in a lot of situations it does not at all.

 

[goat]

Kindness is important!
If people with bad intentions see it as a flaw then it's yet another reason I keep believing in kindness.
You can defend yourself and step up without stop being a kind person.
It pays off itself :)

 

[MYStERY_Man]

There's a fine like between being kind and being a "fucking sucker". I try to be kind, it makes me feel better, and if it also helps someone who's down, that's good too. Judgement be dammed.

I remember one time I was eating in a bus terminal, this man came over to ask for money to buy a ticket to another state (so not the cheapest thing). I said I couldn't help, then immediately changed my mind. I said I would go there and buy the ticket for him. That was enough to catch his lie, he made up a sobbing story to ask for money, the ticket wasn't important at all. If it were true, I'd be acting kindly, but since it was I lie, it didn't feel right to act as a sucker. Idk if I'm making sense.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

It's certainly true that a lot of people here put way more effort into their empathy than the usual response to unbearable suffering which is to suggest shoving the victim to therapy or a mental hospital.

As for me I don't see myself as kind, afraid of conflict yes, but definitely not kind. If I wasn't such a cowardly worm I'd probably be way more obvious with displaying all the hate and anger inside me.

 

[nopointofliving]

I can relate to this. I was/am always kind to others. I take care of my words and actions so I won't hurt anyone in any kind of way. What I got in return??!! Guess, ...yes yes you got it. Yeah! I got depression, sadness, suffer...etc. When I was doing well in life, I used to help everyone, feels for everyone's suffer... now I need help, where are those people?? GONE, yes they're gone.

Kindness can be misunderstood as weakness and foolishness. People say I have no life experience that's why I'm kind, and once I talk more to people and have my own place in society, I'll give up my kindness!!!!!!!! seriously!!!! Someone on this forum called me "naive" . I thought to give up my kindness up to fit in this world, but I couldn't!!

I realized something, you can't give up who you are no matter how hard you try. If you're a kind person and suddenly you decided to do some selfish acts, maybe you can do some selfish acts but at the end of the day, you come back to who you are for real "KIND person". I'm like this and I don't want to change, I may lose many things by being kind, but it's me and I'm not willing to give up me yet.

 

[Celerity]

Looking at all these replies, I am both dismayed and not surprised. I guess I'm more interested in the here and now and concrete results instead of some nebulous quality of character that only sometimes makes me feel good about myself.

By all means be kind to people who deserve it, but there's a point where it gets out of control and destructive. I think most people here could use less of it, not more. But then this is a self-destructive bunch.

 

[luten]

being kind is about who you are, it says nothing about the other person, or the world, what they do is irrelevant. Kindness requires no reason, it cannot be earned. If you are kind, without expecting anything in return, then there will be no disappointment.

Example, if someone on the street asks me for money, because they need food, and I give them money, and then they go buy alcohol, that is not my problem. I did my part, what they do is on them.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

I've always gone with 'l treat other people as they treat me' !

 

[MYStERY_Man]

Looking at all these replies, I am both dismayed and not surprised. I guess I'm more interested in the here and now and concrete results instead of some nebulous quality of character that only sometimes makes me feel good about myself.

By all means be kind to people who deserve it, but there's a point where it gets out of control and destructive. I think most people here could use less of it, not more. But then this is a self-destructive bunch.

Gave you an angry emote, enjoy it wisely.

Again, there's a difference between being kind and being a sucker. Customer service might often take it to the extreme, but I'd argue Bill Gates is kind, for example.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I said I would go there and buy the ticket for him.

exactly. i wont give a homeless person money to possible just make their problem worse (helping them with an addiction or whatever they might spend it on) but i will buy them a sandwich and drink

 

[MYStERY_Man]

exactly. i wont give a homeless person money to possible just make their problem worse (helping them with an addiction or whatever they might spend it on) but i will buy them a sandwich and drink

You have more morals than I do.

What really gets me is the lying part. If they ask me for booze, I might just be willing to oblige... thankfully, it doesn't really happen.

 

[Life_and_Death]

What really gets me is the lying part. If they ask me for booze, I might just be willing to oblige... thankfully, it doesn't really happen.

if theyre homeless is booze really what they need? wouldnt a sandwich be better and more helpful to their situation?

 

[MYStERY_Man]

if theyre homeless is booze really what they need? wouldnt a sandwich be better and more helpful to their situation?

Seriously, though. It obviously isn't what they need, nobody needs booze. But it could be what they want. And when they really want something, they tend to find a way to get it. I'd rather reward honesty, is all.

 

[Life_and_Death]

View attachment 69975

Seriously, though. It obviously isn't what they need, nobody needs booze. But it could be what they want. And when they really want something, they tend to find a way to get it. I'd rather reward honesty, is all.

id rather have a sandwich and not starve to death while having someone show they they care deeply about me instead of just on a surface level

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

Nah, I will always be kind. Not being so feels like a betreyal. It's in my nature to help. There are always people who will recognize and give back. There aren't many but they're out there. I know this because I'm one of them. Plus, the world would be a better place if there was more kindness in it - a truism if there ever was one. That alone is reason enough for me not to stop. It's almost like a rebellious impulse - fuck you all, I love you all.

 

[motel rooms]

I only have a few short years left, and I'm not going to spend one more second being a fucking sucker so that someone can take advantage of me. I encourage you to do the same. A lot of the posts on here speak of a lifetime of abuse followed by people pleasing behavior.

I'm kind to kind people. That's plenty in my book. I still disrespect myself like the traumatized fool that I am, but ain't nobody gonna shit on me no more

 

[Life_and_Death]

I'm kind to kind people. That's plenty in my book. I still disrespect myself like the traumatized fool that I am, but ain't nobody gonna shit on me no more

idk if i want to react with a laugh or a hug.

 

[Scribble Fan]

No good deed goes unpunished... unfortunately.

 

[Lmd]

All the experiences I've had with people who are good and kind end up having tremendous inner peace and a full life. Also people actually tend to be close and respectful for who they gives peace and good memories or gave a hand.

I think the real problem with most people on this forum is the lack of experiences. Being raised in problematic ambients, having bad luck meeting some people, being closed for social anxiety, etc makes hard to meet more people and expand your circle without being conditioned, which makes harder to see a full picture.

 

[motel rooms]

All the experiences I've had with people who are good and kind end up having tremendous inner peace and a full life.

All of them? Every single one of them? Wow. I wanna live in your little pink bubble too

 

[Makko]

All the experiences I've had with people who are good and kind end up having tremendous inner peace and a full life.

Being kind is only half of this. The other half is being a good judge of character.

 

[Lmd]

All of them? Every single one of them? Wow. I wanna live in your little pink bubble too

? I'm talking in general terms and for what I see from outside. I'm not an omnipresent goddess to know how they feel in each and every moment of their lifes. They can have death bodies in the bassement and being pure face who knows. Sorry for not know in all details the life of people I meet lol.

Anyway, this VVVV.

Being kind is only half of this. The other half is being a good judge of character.

 

[motel rooms]

I'm talking in general terms and for what I see from outside.

Yes, you did generalize, which is never wise...

 

[TooConscious]

No room for genuine kindness in this shit world. There are people who proclaim to be nice but they are liars.
I was kid and empathetic until I was 20 because I didn't want anyone to experience pain.
I never had any females pay me attention and was ridiculed.

When I became nasty with the help of alcohol, drugs, homelessness, sleep deprivation, malnutrition, women suddenly wanted me and I made friends....
Sounds a bit fuckin wrong, no?
Sound a bit like this place is a horrific sick fuckin game.

No good deed goes unpunished... unfortunately.

So sad that this is so true.

 

[FuneralCry]

I try to be kind to others, and it is in my nature really. I have never been the type to do people pleasing behaviour however I just do what suits myself. Being a bit selfish can be good for us as we are focusing on our own needs which can help our overall wellbeing.

 

[Celerity]

Being kind is only half of this. The other half is being a good judge of character.

Yeah, well I'm apparently shit at that.

 

[motel rooms]

Kindness is important!
If people with bad intentions see it as a flaw then it's yet another reason I keep believing in kindness.
You can defend yourself and step up without stop being a kind person.
It pays off itself :)

He is about to ctb or has already done it. He was abused as a child, just like me. He is/was so sweet & funny, so kind despite all the hell that people put him through. Why didn't he "end up having tremendous inner peace and a full life"? He ended up all alone in a tiny room in a foreign country with a rope around his neck. I'm literally sick to my stomach, I'm gonna puke

 

[Celerity]

He is about to ctb or has already done it. He was abused as a child, just like me. He is/was so sweet & funny, so kind despite all the hell that people put him through. Why didn't he "end up having tremendous inner peace and a full life"? He ended up all alone in a tiny room in a foreign country with a rope around his neck. I'm literally sick to my stomach, I'm gonna puke

Yeah, if you think Jesus exists and wasn't a con man, then you believe that the greatest, most moral, kindest man to ever exist was murdered. I'm an atheist now, but that always stuck with me. I was never taught to believe that goodness is rewarded in this world but in fact that it is actively punished. My father, an abuse victim and abuser himself, felt the pain of others too acutely to believe that kindness is treated well in this world. I must at least thank him for teaching me that.

Sone of the gentlest people I have ever known led lives full of pain.

 

[newave3]

It's nice to be nice to the nice.