Story I think it's time.

[uchiha_sasuke]

It's been a few weeks I've been on here, and I think it's time I ctb, I can't entirely explain why I want to, plus I'm drunk rn so excuse me if I make some mistakes in this post.
My method since I cannot get my hands on SN due to limited amount of time and not enough cash atm, is partial hanging, I already tried and almost passed out in seconds, it doesn't seem painless just scary, and I just took rum to see if I could escape SI. For those of you trying to use this method as mentioned in the hanging megathread you just have to locate carotid artery, I just leaned almost to the left side of my neck on the necktie and I started feeling lightheaded and almost passed out before I stood up and went to get rum to see if I can reduce the SI and get my last drink and also make a last post. I really hope I find peace, one thing that scares me is since I was brought up in a Catholic family I partly believe in a hell and heaven but I think even if I live I'll do terrible shit that'll lead me to hell ultimately. Almost everything I do it ends up a mess, I end up destroying peoples lives, I'm just a monster and now all of my friends are angry with me.
Alright I'll hang on for a little while and it'll be bye, didn't say goodbye to no one yet though, somehow I feel like I'll screw this one too. But if I die, I hope I find peace.

 

[cheese.out]

Wish you all the best - I hope you can find peace

 

[NoHorizon]

I'm sorry to read how you feel. I hope you find peace in whatever form that is for you.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find the freedom you search for, best of luck with your plans.

 

[uchiha_sasuke]

I hope that you find the freedom you search for, best of luck with your plans.

I've followed you for a while now, and I hope whenever you're ready you'll find your peace too.

 

[Torabol]

I'm saddened that society has failed you uchicha. I don't believe in heaven or hell, but I hope you reverting to non-consciousness will stop your pain.

 

[lovelydeath]

Im a monster too. I really hope you find the peace you want.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I wish you all the beast and a peaceful journey. I hope you find peace. Good luck!

 

[uchiha_sasuke]

Im a monster too. I really hope you find the peace you want.

Sometimes I even think because of how bad I am I don't deserve to die peacefully

 

[cryvinglightning]

good luck. i hope you find peace whether or not you succeed.

 

[uchiha_sasuke]

I'm doing partial hanging but it feels like my head is going to explode, I don't know if that's how it should feel, I didn't actually pass out in my first try, but I think I almost, but now it feels like my head will explode while I feel like I'll pass out, am I doing it wrong or that's how I should feel?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm doing partial hanging but it feels like my head is going to explode, I don't know if that's how it should feel, I didn't actually pass out in my first try, but I think I almost, but now it feels like my head will explode while I feel like I'll pass out, am I doing it wrong or that's how I should feel?

I think you're not compressing the arteries that deliver blood into the brain. If you block the venes pressure in the brain increases as the blood cannot flow out. This is what guess it could be. Not sure. Here's a good thread about partial method:

Best way to succeed partial hanging

Last week, I have been practicing different ways of doing partial hanging and will share which method has worked the best out of all. In order to succeed partial hanging, is to fully block the carotid arteries on both sides of your neck, around 80-90% of the blood flow in the blood vessels has...

www.sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[lovelydeath]

Sometimes I even think because of how bad I am I don't deserve to die peacefully

I dont deserve it but ill do it anyway cause i suck.

 

[Nx7]

Uchida from what you shared my story is similar to yours. I was about to achieve a dream that I waited for about a decade but failed because of being hasty and not detailed oriented. Until January of this year it seemed I would be able to achieve this dream but came February and I failed. I was in the process of moving countries and VISA application. I truly hate the country I was born so I was trying to set up a life abroad and for a long time (5 years) it had worked just fine. Now, I am back to my shithole country, lost my independence, friends, opportunities and so on so forth. In honesty, I have no reason to complain about life it's just that I failed on the most crucial moment of my life (getting the VISA) and also lost a bit of health.My country and especially my home town is a shithole and backwards. I was abroad for 5 years and when I came back with some physical health issues, this place continues to be the same. It's hell on earth.

This thread is yours so I don't want to get personal and write too much about me more than I already did. My apologies for that.

I am also considering my ctb options. I tried hanging a few times but no matter what..after I was unconscious the Survival Instinct kicked in and I would suddenly wake up jittery, with spasms and desperate. When I was unconscious I just recall having some half-dreams about people and places.

Back then I didn't know about this forum and my research was basic.

This last week I tried again partial hanging and was unconscious...not sure for how long I was out because I didn't pay attention to the time. Same experience with half dreams. One strange thing is that I always bite my tongue when i comeback jittery and gasping for air and all.

I am planning to do partial hanging again but this time I will do a dose of the drug clobazam and alcohol.

 

[uchiha_sasuke]

Uchida from what you shared my story is similar to yours. I was about to achieve a dream that I waited for about a decade but failed because of being hasty and not detailed oriented. Until January of this year it seemed I would be able to achieve this dream but came February and I failed. I was in the process of moving countries and VISA application. I truly hate the country I was born so I was trying to set up a life abroad and for a long time (5 years) it had worked just fine. Now, I am back to my shithole country, lost my independence, friends, opportunities and so on so forth. In honesty, I have no reason to complain about life it's just that I failed on the most crucial moment of my life (getting the VISA) and also lost a bit of health.My country and especially my home town is a shithole and backwards. I was abroad for 5 years and when I came back with some physical health issues, this place continues to be the same. It's hell on earth.

This thread is yours so I don't want to get personal and write too much about me more than I already did. My apologies for that.

I am also considering my ctb options. I tried hanging a few times but no matter what..after I was unconscious the Survival Instinct kicked in and I would suddenly wake up jittery, with spasms and desperate. When I was unconscious I just recall having some half-dreams about people and places.

Back then I didn't know about this forum and my research was basic.

This last week I tried again partial hanging and was unconscious...not sure for how long I was out because I didn't pay attention to the time. Same experience with half dreams. One strange thing is that I always bite my tongue when i comeback jittery and gasping for air and all.

I am planning to do partial hanging again but this time I will do a dose of the drug clobazam and alcohol.

Thanks for sharing this with me, I've only tried hanging today that showed reasonable results, before I'll just be choking with no signs of passing out, but now I feel like I might've gotten it but indeed SI and I'm sort of confused whether I've fully made up my mind or not. I was really going to do it now my roomie's back, I might have to retry tomorrow whenever I'm alone.

 

[CloudyNightSky]

Maybe the feeling of your head exploding is related to the alcohol but I'm not sure. But anyways I hope everything goes smoothly and you find your piece. And even if you think you don't deserve it. I think at least at your last moment you deserve a painless and piecefull passing. I'm pretty sure you already judged yourself enough. Good Luck

 

[Nx7]

A few more thoughts:

1.Take your time and don't be rushed. Suicide is not a cowardly act it's one of the most important and courageous decisions one can make. And in my opinion it's not selfish act as some folks try to imply. But if you choose not to go with it...that's ok too.

2. Along with alcohol you should add some sleeping pills or other meds if possible.That may work in your favor. I've chosen clobazam because it is what I have here. In some websites it says that if you overdose with it and drinking alcohol you may risk involuntary death. I am not sure how much clobazam I would need but I am taking all there is available.

One more item to add which is not relevant: I also applied for Pegasos (that Swiss assisted suicide clinic). For obvious reasons, I would appreciate a more dignified death.However, I am not sure if my application will go through. And if it happens I will do my best to avoid my family with interfering.

I think that it's absurd that in most countries there are no assisted suicide clinics allowed by the governments. Suicide and a dignified/painless death is also a human right. Be it for a supposedly "health person" who is suffering mentally or for a terminally ill one.

 

[uchiha_sasuke]

A few more thoughts:

1.Take your time and don't be rushed. Suicide is not a cowardly act it's one of the most important and courageous decisions one can make. And in my opinion it's not selfish act as some folks try to imply. But if you choose not to go with it...that's ok too.

2. Along with alcohol you should add some sleeping pills or other meds if possible.That may work in your favor. I've chosen clobazam because it is what I have here. In some websites it says that if you overdose with it and drinking alcohol you may risk involuntary death. I am not sure how much clobazam I would need but I am taking all there is available.

One more item to add which is not relevant: I also applied for Pegasos (that Swiss assisted suicide clinic). For obvious reasons, I would appreciate a more dignified death.However, I am not sure if my application will go through. And if it happens I will do my best to avoid my family with interfering.

I think that it's absurd that in most countries there are no assisted suicide clinics allowed by the governments. Suicide and a dignified/painless death is also a human right. Be it for a supposedly "health person" who is suffering mentally or for a terminally ill one.

Do you think OTC sleeping pills will work?

 

[steppenwolf]

It's been a few weeks I've been on here, and I think it's time I ctb, I can't entirely explain why I want to, plus I'm drunk rn so excuse me if I make some mistakes in this post.
My method since I cannot get my hands on SN due to limited amount of time and not enough cash atm, is partial hanging, I already tried and almost passed out in seconds, it doesn't seem painless just scary, and I just took rum to see if I could escape SI. For those of you trying to use this method as mentioned in the hanging megathread you just have to locate carotid artery, I just leaned almost to the left side of my neck on the necktie and I started feeling lightheaded and almost passed out before I stood up and went to get rum to see if I can reduce the SI and get my last drink and also make a last post. I really hope I find peace, one thing that scares me is since I was brought up in a Catholic family I partly believe in a hell and heaven but I think even if I live I'll do terrible shit that'll lead me to hell ultimately. Almost everything I do it ends up a mess, I end up destroying peoples lives, I'm just a monster and now all of my friends are angry with me.
Alright I'll hang on for a little while and it'll be bye, didn't say goodbye to no one yet though, somehow I feel like I'll screw this one too. But if I die, I hope I find peace.

Another victim of Rome. Drink Christ's blood, every day.

 

[uchiha_sasuke]

I think you're not compressing the arteries that deliver blood into the brain. If you block the venes pressure in the brain increases as the blood cannot flow out. This is what guess it could be. Not sure. Here's a good thread about partial method:

Best way to succeed partial hanging

Last week, I have been practicing different ways of doing partial hanging and will share which method has worked the best out of all. In order to succeed partial hanging, is to fully block the carotid arteries on both sides of your neck, around 80-90% of the blood flow in the blood vessels has...

www.sanctioned-suicide.net

I actually tried this and have almost passed out a couple of times without much feeling of discomfort, I was successful three times (ie I almost passed out thrice with little discomfort) but then I just quickly stopped it because of my SI I guess, and I'm not sure if I've fully made up my mind, because I'm sorta scared still, I keep thinking of what's going to happen after or something because normally I think a lot about consequences even for the smallest actions.

 

[tpboy]

glad you are still with us

 

[EternalShore]

I actually tried this and have almost passed out a couple of times without much feeling of discomfort, I was successful three times (ie I almost passed out thrice with little discomfort) but then I just quickly stopped it because of my SI I guess, and I'm not sure if I've fully made up my mind, because I'm sorta scared still, I keep thinking of what's going to happen after or something because normally I think a lot about consequences even for the smallest actions.

That's okay~ No one's forcing you to do it if you don't want to :) You may want to think about it a little more before you decide which path you wish to take~ hehe~

 

[Blue Elephant]

@uchiha_sasuke The carotid artery is in the front and a little bit to the right. Try to feel it with you fringers. Do you feel the pulse? That is what you need to block if you want to pass out faster. To do this you need to have the rope opposite of the artery, so somewhere behind the left ear.

 

[Nx7]

Do you think OTC sleeping pills will work?

Usually those OTC ones are weak. But it's better than nothing and maybe if you "overdose" with it may work. Don't drink too much alcohol otherwise you may "wake up" in the urge to urinate. To be honest for us all it would only work if we had access to one of those celebrity doctors who can prescribe higher dosage medications. Examples: Michael Jackson and Heath Ledger cases.

Ledger was: oxycodone, hydrocodone, diazepam, temazepam, alprazolam and doxylamine