Venting I think it's over for me

[That's Not Me]

I think the flame that was keeping me alive just went out. I have been thinking all day since Thursday about dying. Yesterday the part of me that wanted to live made me spend the day looking for a hospital. Every place I looked seemed like something out of a horror movie. I asked my psychiatrist for a recommendation and all the necessary documentation, but I already regret it deeply. I have no one else I care about and can talk to, so today I called the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline in my country. It was horrible. I think it is finally time to follow my destiny. Thank you to everyone who was kind to me in the recovery session and I am sorry if your efforts were in vain. I still have to prepare things for my ctb. I will probably have to wait another month or two for everyone to feel comfortable. That's it.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I'm so sorry you have reached this point. I have been there myself. It is brutally upsetting.
Whatever happens, I hope you find peace.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm very sorry that life brought you to this point. I doubt that so called "Life Lines" can fix individual and unsolable issues, unfortunately. I wish you all the best may you find final freedom and peace!

 

[FuneralCry]

Psych wards certainly sound like such horrible prisons to me, they are certainly best avoided and of course suicide hotlines are so incredibly useless, I'm not surprised that you went through such an awful experience. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans and I hope that when the time is right for you to leave, you find the freedom that you search for.

 

[lookingforsanctuary]

I'm so sorry life has brought you to this point.

 

[Jezzibell]

I'm so sorry that help when you need it, be it the crisis line or finding a hospital, is not there. In the past I've phoned the same and was left feeling even more alone and distressed. I wish you peace. X

 

[That's Not Me]

Thank you all for your kind responses. I always feel hugged by this, so feel hugged back. I hope all ends well for you all.