Not sure how many people would have already killed themselves if they were in my skin. The shit with my life will not cease until I die. I think most people would sooner or later kill themselves if they were in my skin.
There are statistics which show factors which increase the risk for suicide. There are many factors which increase the risk that I kill myself. I gonna probably kill myself and I am well aware about this fact since some years. Not sure when the most people would have offed themselves. I think many would have offed themselves during the extreme psychosomatic pain. This is also my red line. If the extreme psychosomatic pain returns I gonna off myself. I won't endure that once again.
The problem with my illness is that this most often proceeds in cycles. I won't endure another rock bottom. There is nothing which holds me back. There is barely any hope. During my last acute suicidal epsiode I promised me to give life another shot. I don't know how often I tried to recover since then. I think like 4 times. Everything backfired I dedicate my whole energy and heart into it and life spits into my face.
The highest risk factors are probably: I am male. I am well aware about the fact how hopeless my situation is. I am probably not able to find a partner. I very likely can't work and poverty is a very high risk factor for suicide. Two therapists already have given up on me. They think I gonna kill myself (especially due to poverty). I am bipolar which increases the risk for suicide a lot. I had psychosis which increases the risk for suicide a lot. I have done a little bit partial and stood on the 7th floor of a building. Both can be seen as a foreshadowing of my suicide. I wanted to look death in the eye. And fuck it felt insane but not in the positive way. I try a lot to avoid doing the final step. Though everything just fails and fails. Everything backfires and the whole game is rigged against me. This is all so cynical.
Oh I forgot child abuse and bullying. Probably also 2 risk factors of committing suicide.
There are statistics which show factors which increase the risk for suicide. There are many factors which increase the risk that I kill myself. I gonna probably kill myself and I am well aware about this fact since some years. Not sure when the most people would have offed themselves. I think many would have offed themselves during the extreme psychosomatic pain. This is also my red line. If the extreme psychosomatic pain returns I gonna off myself. I won't endure that once again.
The problem with my illness is that this most often proceeds in cycles. I won't endure another rock bottom. There is nothing which holds me back. There is barely any hope. During my last acute suicidal epsiode I promised me to give life another shot. I don't know how often I tried to recover since then. I think like 4 times. Everything backfired I dedicate my whole energy and heart into it and life spits into my face.
The highest risk factors are probably: I am male. I am well aware about the fact how hopeless my situation is. I am probably not able to find a partner. I very likely can't work and poverty is a very high risk factor for suicide. Two therapists already have given up on me. They think I gonna kill myself (especially due to poverty). I am bipolar which increases the risk for suicide a lot. I had psychosis which increases the risk for suicide a lot. I have done a little bit partial and stood on the 7th floor of a building. Both can be seen as a foreshadowing of my suicide. I wanted to look death in the eye. And fuck it felt insane but not in the positive way. I try a lot to avoid doing the final step. Though everything just fails and fails. Everything backfires and the whole game is rigged against me. This is all so cynical.
Oh I forgot child abuse and bullying. Probably also 2 risk factors of committing suicide.
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