Venting I think i'm triggered by someone in my friend group

[2Sensible]

There is this guy in my college friend group. He isn't necessarily mean-spirited, but sometimes he says things that really get on my nerves.

For instance, an acquaintance of ours transitioned recently. Neither of us expected it, but this guy claimed she only did it for attention. He barely even knows her. It's such flawed logic, assuming something so personal about someone you don't even know is ridiculous.

He also has a habit of belittling people. There's a guy in our group whom he constantly calls ugly to his face, claiming he has no chance with any girls at our school. The thing is, the guy isn't ugly at all, he actually gets plenty of female attention, and he's genuinely kind and respectful. I even talked to him about it, and it feels like I'm more bothered by the mean comments than he is.

The whole situation makes me uneasy. I sense an underlying hostility or negativity coming from him, and it makes me feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells.

 

[n1kita_]

that sounds so fucking shitty... is it worth it to keep this person around the group? have you guys talked to them about their behavior, is anything going on with them? constantly belittling, insulting others and going as far as determining that someone's transitioned for attention all point towards their lack of security in themselves, as if they felt lesser than, like there is a logic in being hateful to others *first*, somewhat meaning they won't do it to you/you're shielded from it if it happens :///

 

[2Sensible]

that sounds so fucking shitty... is it worth it to keep this person around the group? have you guys talked to them about their behavior, is anything going on with them? constantly belittling, insulting others and going as far as determining that someone's transitioned for attention all point towards their lack of security in themselves, as if they felt lesser than, like there is a logic in being hateful to others *first*, somewhat meaning they won't do it to you/you're shielded from it if it happens :///

I talked to two people in the group about his behavior, and they agreed that I was right. However, I feel like this is a group where a lot of things are left unsaid, so we just let things slide.

I confronted him one day about something that was annoying me and he didn't care. I felt like he didn't take me seriously. Ever since that happened, I've stopped telling him when something bothers me because I know he won't listen. To be honest, the others don't seem bothered by his behavior, they just brush it off without saying anything.

In the end, they're just college acquaintances, so I think i'll simply keep my interactions with them light.

 

[n1kita_]

I talked to two people in the group about his behavior, and they agreed that I was right. However, I feel like this is a group where a lot of things are left unsaid, so we just let things slide.

I confronted him one day about something that was annoying me and he didn't care. I felt like he didn't take me seriously. Ever since that happened, I've stopped telling him when something bothers me because I know he won't listen. To be honest, the others don't seem bothered by his behavior, they just brush it off without saying anything.

In the end, they're just college acquaintances, so I think i'll simply keep my interactions with them light.

sounds like the right conclusion, given you've talked to them directly and your peers. as they are just college acquaintances, don't feel bad for setting your boundaries either. i understand you all share spaces but if anything they do doesn't align with your way of seeing the world, you don't have to tolerate it. you don't have to endure nothing. sounds like a lot of immaturity from this person's end, and the rest of people have also decided on not concerning themselves with them too much either.

 

[2Sensible]

sounds like the right conclusion, given you've talked to them directly and your peers. as they are just college acquaintances, don't feel bad for setting your boundaries either. i understand you all share spaces but if anything they do doesn't align with your way of seeing the world, you don't have to tolerate it. you don't have to endure nothing. sounds like a lot of immaturity from this person's end, and the rest of people have also decided on not concerning themselves with them too much either.

yeah i agree.
thanks for your answers

 

[Lost in a Dream]

In your place, I'd be tempted to be a total dick to him. If I tried to tell him something that bothered me nicely and he just ignored it like he did to you, I'd be so pissed. In that case, I would tell him to get lost or just leave the group myself. Not worth being around him if your other friends agree with you, but can't be bothered to cut him loose.

 

[2Sensible]

In your place, I'd be tempted to be a total dick to him. If I tried to tell him something that bothered me nicely and he just ignored it like he did to you, I'd be so pissed. In that case, I would tell him to get lost or just leave the group myself. Not worth being around him if your other friends agree with you, but can't be bothered to cut him loose.

Yea maybe i should. I mean, there is other people i enjoy in this friendgroup but if it create stress i should maybe be alone.