everlastinghistory
Member
- May 5, 2022
- 86
For years I've said I'd do it. Every time something came up.
First I met a girl I ended up falling in love with. That stopped me from going through with a 2021 plan. She left in 2023. Then I was planning and met a guy who I do love. Honestly I do. But it's not stopping me this time?? Maybe it's just because that first girl hurt me so bad that now staying alive for someone else sounds like a horrible idea.
Either way I think I'm going to go through with this within the next 2 months. I have a date set and know a general location. The only problem now is figuring out what method to use.
Aside from that though, I don't feel like anything is stopping me anymore. I feel ready. Like it's finally time for this to be over. It just feels right. I'm not sure how to explain it. It feels like it's supposed to happen.
I'm not afraid of being stopped anymore. I don't think anyone would be able to figure out where I was going fast enough to stop me nor do I think anyone would notice me missing fast enough to stop me.
I chose a location that has a lot of personal meaning behind it. I never liked the idea of dying in a random place. I want it to matter. I want it to mean something. And it does.
For the first time ever, after multiple attempts, I feel no fear or doubt about this. I honestly just think my time has finally come. And I'm okay with that.
Yes sometimes I wonder what my life could be like if I continue. But it's just not grounding anymore. It doesn't feel like it ties me here. It's just a hypothetical. It doesn't exist. That future could be horrible in reality. I don't know. I've found a lot of peace in that fact. As much as that girl from 2021 hurt me worse than anything ever has she also left me with an understanding that I can't stay out of hope because hope is often meaningless.
That sounds sad but I'm not. I don't feel much towards this decision. I honestly just believe it's supposed to happen and that's the end of it. I'll finally have real peace. And hey, maybe I was right and there is another life or something out there where I get a happy ending. Maybe this isn't the real end forever. That would be nice. And if that's not the case I'll just cease to exist and never known any different. That sounds just as good as far as I'm concerned.
First I met a girl I ended up falling in love with. That stopped me from going through with a 2021 plan. She left in 2023. Then I was planning and met a guy who I do love. Honestly I do. But it's not stopping me this time?? Maybe it's just because that first girl hurt me so bad that now staying alive for someone else sounds like a horrible idea.
Either way I think I'm going to go through with this within the next 2 months. I have a date set and know a general location. The only problem now is figuring out what method to use.
Aside from that though, I don't feel like anything is stopping me anymore. I feel ready. Like it's finally time for this to be over. It just feels right. I'm not sure how to explain it. It feels like it's supposed to happen.
I'm not afraid of being stopped anymore. I don't think anyone would be able to figure out where I was going fast enough to stop me nor do I think anyone would notice me missing fast enough to stop me.
I chose a location that has a lot of personal meaning behind it. I never liked the idea of dying in a random place. I want it to matter. I want it to mean something. And it does.
For the first time ever, after multiple attempts, I feel no fear or doubt about this. I honestly just think my time has finally come. And I'm okay with that.
Yes sometimes I wonder what my life could be like if I continue. But it's just not grounding anymore. It doesn't feel like it ties me here. It's just a hypothetical. It doesn't exist. That future could be horrible in reality. I don't know. I've found a lot of peace in that fact. As much as that girl from 2021 hurt me worse than anything ever has she also left me with an understanding that I can't stay out of hope because hope is often meaningless.
That sounds sad but I'm not. I don't feel much towards this decision. I honestly just believe it's supposed to happen and that's the end of it. I'll finally have real peace. And hey, maybe I was right and there is another life or something out there where I get a happy ending. Maybe this isn't the real end forever. That would be nice. And if that's not the case I'll just cease to exist and never known any different. That sounds just as good as far as I'm concerned.
