I think I'm going to end it very soon

[mehek1753]

I've had enough. My life's at the highest point it has ever been. I'm doing great at work and found a wonderful wife who genuinely loves me and cares for me. I have most of all that I could want and I still can't shake the thoughts of dying away. It's all I think about. It's all what's on my mind. The only thing I'm worried about is my partner. They're going to be very *very* devastated. We have our lives planned together and I'm going to throw it all away because I'm a selfish idiot who can't handle the slightest bit of anything. I feel pathetic and awful but at least I'll have some sort of peace if I choose to do this.

I still need to figure out how I'm gonna do it. Originally I had planned ODing on whatever meds I have at home but looking it up turns out that would only lead to either not working and it affecting me for life or it working but it being really fucking slow and miserable. I'm open to suggestions but I preferably wanting something quick that'll put me to sleep first.

 

[bipolar22]

d I'm going to throw it all away because I'm a selfish idiot who can't handle the slightest bit of anything.

No. i dont think so. your pain is real and only you can feel it. you are not selfish wanting to end the pain or an idiot.
about your method i think you should spend some more time reading in the resource section to find something suitable for you. much love

 

[arsencio354]

here my friend, press "Get" on top of page. https://tinyurl.com/ype3w6bc

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Where do you think these suicidal thoughts are coming from if they're so incongruent with the life you have?

 

[FuneralCry]

Unfortunately suicide isn't that straightforward, I would also like something quick that just puts me to sleep but sadly we exist in an anti suicide society where peaceful method options are restricted from us. But anyway I wish you the best, at least to me there certainly is no peace to be found as long as one exists here in this cruel world.

 

[mehek1753]

Where do you think these suicidal thoughts are coming from if they're so incongruent with the life you have?

I don't really know. The best guess I have is I wasn't really exactly happy till like 2 years ago when stuff started to get better for me. And before that I was pretty depressed I guess. Not to the point where I was suicidal but I was mostly pretty lonely and miserable. And now that stuff's good think there's just some irrational fear inside me that everything is just gonna go back to that again and I'm going to lose everything. This is something I've thought about a lot and I think most of my suicidal tendencies stem from me being happy if that makes any sense. It's just getting worse way waaaay worse. I can't bring myself to truly enjoy a single thing anymore because everything's just plagued with me wanting to die all the time. A year ago It was that I'd get these thoughts maybe once a week. Now, it's multiple times a day and I'll find myself researching on ways to do it. I feel like I'm nearing some tipping point and I'm gonna do it pretty soon.

 

[GasMonkey]

I still need to figure out how I'm gonna do it.

Long path ahead.

 

[incorporationated]

I don't really know. The best guess I have is I wasn't really exactly happy till like 2 years ago when stuff started to get better for me. And before that I was pretty depressed I guess. Not to the point where I was suicidal but I was mostly pretty lonely and miserable. And now that stuff's good think there's just some irrational fear inside me that everything is just gonna go back to that again and I'm going to lose everything. This is something I've thought about a lot and I think most of my suicidal tendencies stem from me being happy if that makes any sense. It's just getting worse way waaaay worse. I can't bring myself to truly enjoy a single thing anymore because everything's just plagued with me wanting to die all the time. A year ago It was that I'd get these thoughts maybe once a week. Now, it's multiple times a day and I'll find myself researching on ways to do it. I feel like I'm nearing some tipping point and I'm gonna do it pretty soon.

I recommend reaching out to your wife about this. Please talk out your problems with her for now to get some kind of reassurance or try therapy. Have you told her about this or tried getting help for your condition? If not try exhausting all options before dying. It's better to die knowing you did your best than dying unsure of whether it all could've gone better or not. But this is just my suggestion, feel free to do whatever you like. Goodluck and I hope you find happiness however that may come to you.

 

[mehek1753]

I recommend reaching out to your wife about this. Please talk out your problems with her for now to get some kind of reassurance or try therapy. Have you told her about this or tried getting help for your condition? If not try exhausting all options before dying. It's better to die knowing you did your best than dying unsure of whether it all could've gone better or not. But this is just my suggestion, feel free to do whatever you like. Goodluck and I hope you find happiness however that may come to you.

I have. I tend to be very direct and open with how I feel about things with people I'm close with. She's tried her best to help but I don't think it has done anything much to change my mind. Tells me the same thing everyone else does that "It's just a permanent solution to a temporary problem" and that "things will get better." I've heard that way too many times from way too many people. It just doesn't work.

TBH, looking around this place and being told ending things is valid option and that the pain I feel with regards to not wanting to exist is real, has helped me more than being told all the things I've been told before.

 

[mehek1753]

After some searching around I think SN is gonna be my best bet. From what I can find online it should be pretty easy for me to buy some. I'm still unsure on if I want to do this but it feels nice to know that I have an option.

 

[iwantdeath6969]

i am in the exact same situation. it shows me that there really is nothing to look forward to

 

[mehek1753]

Nothing to look forward to nothing to look back to. Nothing going on at the moment. No regrets. Just nothing. My life's just so fucking empty lol despite there being mostly good stuff inside it. The more I think about the more I realize I probably am not supposed to be alive anyway.

 

[outrider567]

Nothing to look forward to nothing to look back to. Nothing going on at the moment. No regrets. Just nothing. My life's just so fucking empty lol despite there being mostly good stuff inside it. The more I think about the more I realize I probably am not supposed to be alive anyway.

Nothing to look forward to, an empty life, I'm sure I'm not supposed to be alive either

 

[mehek1753]

I just took like 80mls from this bottle during a meeting because I wasn't thinking straight. To be clear I don't want to die. Should I rush to the hospital right now or am I gonna be fine. I'm home and I really don't wanna alarm my mom because I've mentioned being suicidal before to her

ugh it won't upload the bottle said Ibuprofen Ph. Eur. 100mg /5ml
it's been around 20 minutes and I feel shaky but I think tha's just from the adrenaline. looking at it online there's a very low chance of it being lethal so I think I'm good?

 

[NorthernMonkey]

Im not sure, you could feel fine now but it could affect you later, once it is going through your system. I knackered my liver by not taking enough to die but enough to do damage. Don't risk it, if you are in any doubt get to a hospital and get your stomach pumped out. If you really can't do that then drink some salt water, get your fingers down your throat and throw up as much as you can.

 

[ashnew444]

I've had enough. My life's at the highest point it has ever been. I'm doing great at work and found a wonderful wife who genuinely loves me and cares for me. I have most of all that I could want and I still can't shake the thoughts of dying away. It's all I think about. It's all what's on my mind. The only thing I'm worried about is my partner. They're going to be very *very* devastated. We have our lives planned together and I'm going to throw it all away because I'm a selfish idiot who can't handle the slightest bit of anything. I feel pathetic and awful but at least I'll have some sort of peace if I choose to do this.

I still need to figure out how I'm gonna do it. Originally I had planned ODing on whatever meds I have at home but looking it up turns out that would only lead to either not working and it affecting me for life or it working but it being really fucking slow and miserable. I'm open to suggestions but I preferably wanting something quick that'll put me to sleep first.

There's nothing selfish about feeling so low and lost that you feel your only way out is to die.

 

[mehek1753]

I went to the hospital and got told I should be okay because the dose I took wasn't that high. Said if I experience any serious symptoms I should go to the ER immediately. It's been 18ish hours so far and the worst I've felt is mild nausea and weakness. Fingers crossed I didn't fuck up anything permanently.
I don't want to die. Not yet.

get your fingers down your throat and throw up as much as you can.

I tried puking it out the moment I took it but I couldn't. Pretty sure I injured my throat too because I was getting some blood in my mucus.

 

[Sparx]

Anything available otc is no good for ctb purposes. If you want to OD properly get some very strong opioids/opiates, barbiturates or SN.

 

[meatfleshprison]

If you are looking to OD in a way that is peaceful, painless and fast, I'd suggest looking into fentanyl or heroin. It's hard to get your hands on depending on who you know and where you live, but it's worth a shot if you think it's viable enough.

ODing on these drugs is quick and painless, as you can barely even tell you're dying. It just feels like being extremely high, and that you're about to fall asleep.