Venting I think I'm giving up on everything.

[sivvie]

I've isolated myself from everyone I love out of self-hatred. I feel like I deserve to suffer and be alone and feel the way I feel. I'm a terrible person.

I had everything planned for the SN method, but things became complicated. My source of money for the meto and antacids fell apart, I can't give much more information. There's also the problem of my family being home all the time and us moving to small house so now, not only do I have no privacy and am more likely to get caught, but I also have no antiemetic or antacid.

I ordered a BDSM rope since those are said to be the best for a partial hanging, but I've seen way too many people come back with non-fatal attempts. I'm scared of ending up in a vegetative state, but again I feel like I deserve that because I'm just so disgusting and horrible.

I saw a video of a guy's wife talking about how he ended up in a vegetative state because of a hanging attempt, and was kept like that for 3 years because of his religious mother's selfishness. I think my family would do the same because they're religious as well and have always mistreated me and abused me, they wouldn't care if I suffered. I was set on trying partial but that video caused my SI to flare up and now I feel like there's no hope for dying at all.

I think I'm just going to stay lonely and alone until I go crazy and do something harmful to myself. Or maybe I'll try partial anyway. I don't feel like I even deserve to attempt with SN.

Sorry for the dumb vent. I just have no one else to talk to.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

You are not alone. I hope your distress ends soon and you find the strength to cope.

 

[sivvie]

You are not alone. I hope your distress ends soon and you find the strength to cope.

Thank you PD, you too. <3

 

[supermario]

I'm so sorry you're in such a desperate situation. Just know that you're not alone. I feel a lot of what you're going through, and I also feel I may go crazy at this rate due to feeling absolutely trapped and not having a reliable way to ctb that I can go through with. It's damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Hang on and try to keep sane. No matter what choice you make, it's better when your mind is sound.

 

[Round Two]

Sounds like you're feeling trapped in a life you can't bear. I know the feeling. I hope you find some peace.

 

[sivvie]

I'm so sorry you're in such a desperate situation. Just know that you're not alone. I feel a lot of what you're going through, and I also feel I may go crazy at this rate due to feeling absolutely trapped and not having a reliable way to ctb that I can go through with. It's damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Hang on and try to keep sane. No matter what choice you make, it's better when your mind is sound.

Thank you for understanding, and I'm sorry that you can relate :( I hope you find a way to find peace with whatever choice you make and that you find solace in the pit of a burning hell of a world. I appreciate the support a lot.

Sounds like you're feeling trapped in a life you can't bear. I know the feeling. I hope you find some peace.

It almost feels like we're damned to suffering by some external force sometimes. I'm not spiritual or religious but I really wonder what are the chances that life can be so shitty so consistently. I hope you do too, and I'm sorry that you can relate :(

 

[VoidDesirer22]

I've isolated myself from everyone I love out of self-hatred. I feel like I deserve to suffer and be alone and feel the way I feel. I'm a terrible person.

I had everything planned for the SN method, but things became complicated. My source of money for the meto and antacids fell apart, I can't give much more information. There's also the problem of my family being home all the time and us moving to small house so now, not only do I have no privacy and am more likely to get caught, but I also have no antiemetic or antacid.

I ordered a BDSM rope since those are said to be the best for a partial hanging, but I've seen way too many people come back with non-fatal attempts. I'm scared of ending up in a vegetative state, but again I feel like I deserve that because I'm just so disgusting and horrible.

I saw a video of a guy's wife talking about how he ended up in a vegetative state because of a hanging attempt, and was kept like that for 3 years because of his religious mother's selfishness. I think my family would do the same because they're religious as well and have always mistreated me and abused me, they wouldn't care if I suffered. I was set on trying partial but that video caused my SI to flare up and now I feel like there's no hope for dying at all.

I think I'm just going to stay lonely and alone until I go crazy and do something harmful to myself. Or maybe I'll try partial anyway. I don't feel like I even deserve to attempt with SN.

Sorry for the dumb vent. I just have no one else to talk to.

You deserve to ctb peacefully no matter what anyone says. I send love.

 

[Round Two]

It almost feels like we're damned to suffering by some external force sometimes. I'm not spiritual or religious but I really wonder what are the chances that life can be so shitty so consistently. I hope you do too, and I'm sorry that you can relate :(

I share the sentiment. I'm a bit jealous of religious folks for that. Having something cosmic to blame seems like it would be much easier.

 

[FuneralCry]

We all deserve the option of a peaceful exit at a time of our own choosing, none of us should have to resort to methods that can fail. I fear failing ctb as well. Being alive really is horrible, I just wish it was easier to leave. I understand it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[sivvie]

We all deserve the option of a peaceful exit at a time of our own choosing, none of us should have to resort to methods that can fail. I fear failing ctb as well. Being alive really is horrible, I just wish it was easier to leave. I understand it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

I wish you the best as well, sending lots of love <3 I hope you find your peace soon enough