I think I'm gay and I can't accept myself... please help.

[tardis]

I am sorry, I am too old and have no time to decrypt the writings of a person, who is unable to write regular words as every normal person in the world would do that on a forum. It looks as if you are totally drunk. Perhaps you are? I don't know.

@FromGermany just don't talk to her if you can't understand her. There's no need to be rude.

 

[FromGermany]

So far I have not seen the slightest real help to the thread starter from those with the biggest mouth.

But you can prove me wrong.

The stage is yours.

Fortunately, there are other threads here without so much proxy.

 

[edu0z]

It's always funny, if a member needs his personal translator.

However, if one believes, two or more personalities are not "integrated" with sexual preferences, I am sorry, either that person has serious problems aside from the post or the person was told that as long as he started to believe that.

A year and a half ago we started to consider the possibility that we were bisexual. By that time Eduard had a girlfriend, and I fall in love with Eduard's best friend. We begin to assimilate and accept it... mainly he, at that time we did not know of the existence of the other. It was quite frustrating, because when he was in charge (most of the time), he liked girls and felt disgusted at thinking about being with a boy... he liked his masculine essence. Then in the fleeting moments that I went out (mainly in the middle of depressions), I felt a strong attraction towards the boys, mainly our best friend (the one who always takes care of us), and the girls did not disgust me but the attraction to them disappeared. It was a pretty tough time for us.

Eduard is quite intelligent and realistic. He has the theory that the main alter is me. He says that I am the one who takes the longest time and therefore the one who is at a deeper and more rooted level... Proof of this is that he is not a suicidal person, and yet he has never been able to get my suicidal thoughts out of his head... He believes that he is only here to help me and that one day he will disappear completely. And, although he tells me that he is happy and proud of me, I know that he is having a hard time and that he is truly sad...

I don't know very well what happened... two days ago Eduard went to a party with his friends... then something happened in that party that I can not remember and when we woke up the next day it was already me who had taken command. Since then Eduard does not want to talk to me and I feel him very sad.

 

[Dot]

As long as people only want to hear that messages, they want to hear and nothing else, nothing will change to the good. It's a fallacy to believe, to give high five to all people will make any sense.

It is better for some people to hear opinions from a very different view instead only waiting for softball replies. I have my opinion on many things and a lot of life experience.

With one exception uncertainty or even mental trouble with sexual preferences is the result of pressure, experiences or a bad influcence from outside the own mind.

All three things can be combated to find peace on this matter.

Softball and yelling "Asshole" like a 16 years old can not do that.

Dissociative disorders

Dissociative disorders are a group of conditions where you may feel disconnected from reality. Find out more, including where to get help.

www.nhs.uk

D.I.D Defnition.

 

[edu0z]

That's great! That seems very good that Eduard is so supportive. I'm not sure if it's possible, or even a good idea, but would it be something that he'd be willing to "take the lead" and is there any way that you could "watch"? If not, would he be willing to try it and then tell you all about it?

I'm not saying to do anything sudden! Not anything rash. But, perhaps planning together what might be possible.


In the small town I grew-up in, even in the midwest USA, throughout my childhood and teenage years... nobody ever talked about homosexuality. 35 years ago, it was very oppressive.

So, all of you need to be very careful. Please take your time with this! With social media, you have many more possibilities than I did, though. I'd make it a priority to find some gay friends, male and female. Imho, the sex will come when you are all ready for it to happen. But having LGBTQ+ friends could give you very helpful support.

He's tried that: flirting with guys... but he does not get it since it does not come naturally. I understand him, after all he is forcing himself to do something he doesn't want to do and try something he doesn't like... he still tries (he's so good to me)... but I can't let him keep doing that, it's hurting him just like me pretending to be a guy. I have to take the initiative, I just have no idea how to even introduce myself... I would like to have gay friends, Eduard has a lesbian friend who is helping me a lot, but I would like a friend who is my, I do not know if you understand me.

 

[ContinuousJump]

but I would like a friend who is my, I do not know if you understand me.

I do understand: You want a life of your own. Please be patient with yourself...

On another note, you and @Dot are in my heart now. I'm just so sorry for the mental challenges some of us face. I hope you don't mind me saying so. My own depression is crippling, and I'm just so affected and sorry by what others have to deal with. I so wish I could heal you both.

 

[Dot]

I do understand: You want a life of your own. Please be patient with yourself...

On another note, you and @Dot are in my heart now. I'm just so sorry for the mental challenges some of us face. I hope you don't mind me saying so. My own depression is crippling, and I'm just so affected and sorry by what others have to deal with. I so wish I could heal you both.

Appreci8.

Also fl 4 OP. No1 askd 4 ths.

 

[RainAndSadness]

Maybe that's a good opportunity to point to the rules of this forum. I appreciate if you take this into consideration when you write posts. I'm not pointing with the finger to anyone, just a general reminder. Thanks!

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I feel like the OP's thread got a little derailed which I see as a negative, and would suggest that someone look introspectively at themselves today as they might've been the least helpful and most disrespectful person, someone that acts on very little information, but anyway.

OP, I'm sorry I know very little about D.I.D. besides the name and basics. I'm only good at solving puzzles.

Perhaps if you found someone to date that is genderfluid and/or androgynous that could help? There are all kinds of people in the world. If both of you didn't identify this other person as either gender, or both, that could be the solution that would satisfy your alters (and parents etc) and prevent any unnecessary unhappiness. Being honest with each other helps too, so perhaps someone might be sympathetic to your condition and likewise you don't want to enter a relationship under false pretenses, they deserve the full story too.

If I fell in love with someone and they changed gender I wouldn't love them any less.

In practical(sexual) terms, there is likely to exist someone who can simulate having sex with either base gender that is being discussed in this thread. I'm not going to suggest more than that, because ultimately the choice is up to you, and there are also multiple possible solutions there.

 

[Samsara]

It's always funny, if a member needs his personal translator.

However, if one believes, two or more personalities are not "integrated" with sexual preferences, I am sorry, either that person has serious problems aside from the post or the person was told that as long as he started to believe that.

I have read through several of your posts now and I am thinking the following: Why are you even here? If you find it helpful being on the forum, great, but please go back to lurking.

 

[Elri]

Oh darling wut

No offense i thought you were drunk or high when you wrote this, now i read DID it's a mental ilness, interesting stuff

 

[edu0z]

I do understand: You want a life of your own. Please be patient with yourself...

On another note, you and @Dot are in my heart now. I'm just so sorry for the mental challenges some of us face. I hope you don't mind me saying so. My own depression is crippling, and I'm just so affected and sorry by what others have to deal with. I so wish I could heal you both.

Do not worry... you are a good person and you do not deserve to suffer.


Hello, I'm Eduard. Today we had to consult and my idea is that Lorena talk to the doctor, but she became very nervous and I had to take control jj... I want to thank all of you for all the support you have gave her, it is the first time she has gone out for so long and I am glad that she met people like you who made her feel heard and comforted.

 

[Geturdone]

If someone came along and was able to give you the perfect advice, amenable to all of you, what would that be?

One possibly might be for all of you to give yourself the chance to explore that. At least then all of you might have a better understanding of the complete situation.

Also, it might take a few, different trials at it before all of you can really know.

Are there any LGBTQ+ support centers/groups anywhere near you? If you can, join a group and get to know some gay people. You can make sex a second step, after you get some gay friends.

This should be a consideration for the future. Your sex life is your business, not theirs. You have a lot of exploration and learning to do for yourself, first.

If you're gay, that's 100% OK.

And I accept you.

ContinueousJump offers some great ideas. I'm a retired psychologist and know (s)he is offering good ideas. You might also try to find a counselor or therapist that is gay too. Sorry if that was mentioned and I missed it. We as humans are sexual beings (dah, we know that right?) But, plz don't let anyone infer you don't have the right to be sexually expressive in a a way you're comfortable. We humans need both sex and love. To me there's a difference and I hope you find both.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

No need to be a prick to someone. Asshole.

 

[ContinuousJump]

Hello, I'm Eduard. Today we had to consult and my idea is that Lorena talk to the doctor, but she became very nervous and I had to take control jj

Eduard (and @Geturdone), thank you so much for your kind words.

Eduard & Lorena, I'm proud of you (what you accomplished today), but even more so for your abilities to love and care for each-other.

Eduard, I believe Lorena mentioned something about you attending a party 2 days ago and she (please forgive and correct me if I use the wrong pronouns, I'm making my best guess) Lorena thought you were sad after the party. Only if you're comfortable, would you like to talk about it? I'm also very impressed with what Lorena said about you, Eduard, exploring gay, male intimacy for her benefit. And, I understand that that is difficult for you. I certainly appreciate that. Finally, Eduard, do you have any insight into Lorena's nervousness? What can be done to help her with that?

Lorena (if available), great job today! Although it may be some time in the future—please don't rush any of this—at some point the wise thing for Eduard to do may be not to take control—or to do it more gently—when you get anxious. Anxiety, although none of us like it, is part of having a life of your own. I'm even scaring myself a little thinking about it, but it's the truth. But, one does not have to jump off the high diving-board first thing! What are some smaller, nervousness-inducing things you can explore? For practicing it? Maybe pick one thing every day. You can also pretend-imagine situations that would usually cause problems, and then "feel the feelings" as a practice to getting to be friends with them. I know I'm asking something that can be very uncomfortable, but I think you might find the rewards are worth it. But again, no rush! Also try to be nervous about real things. It's easy to make the mistake of getting anxious—about being anxious itself. That happens to me often and I find it so silly. I'm not sure if I'm explaining it well, sorry. Finally, when you're feeling nervous, what sort of thoughts are happening? Often, feelings of fear come with thoughts of danger. But, if you really pay attention, there's almost never any real danger, statistically, most of the time. Sorry to ramble.

Anyway, again, I'm so very proud of you both!

 

[edu0z]

Eduard & Lorena, I'm proud of you (what you accomplished today), but even more so for your abilities to love and care for each-other.

she thinks she's just a nuisance to me... but it's quite the opposite, she also has incredible things only that she is not able to see them right now, and I am very proud of how she did this couple of days that was in control

Eduard, I believe Lorena mentioned something about you attending a party 2 days ago and she (please forgive and correct me if I use the wrong pronouns, I'm making my best guess) Lorena thought you were sad after the party. Only if you're comfortable, would you like to talk about it? I'm also very impressed with what Lorena said about you, Eduard, exploring gay, male intimacy for her benefit. And, I understand that that is difficult for you. I certainly appreciate that. Finally, Eduard, do you have any insight into Lorena's nervousness? What can be done to help her with that?

At the party I met a girl I liked quite a bit... it may sound silly, but I was about to give up on girls to help Lorena explore her sexuality... then when I started getting drunk, I lost control (that's why I think she's the strongest personality)... Lorena went out and started talking to the girl... that's the girl she says she met and who is her first friend of her own... I'm happy for her, but at the same time I can't deny that that hurt me because I really liked her like I didn't like any girl for a while... anyway, they are silly things that I must learn to overcome and I am happy that finally Lorena has a friend jj... thanks for caring

Lorena (if available), great job today! Although it may be some time in the future—please don't rush any of this—at some point the wise thing for Eduard to do may be not to take control—or to do it more gently—when you get anxious. Anxiety, although none of us like it, is part of having a life of your own. I'm even scaring myself a little thinking about it, but it's the truth. But, one does not have to jump off the high diving-board first thing! What are some smaller, nervousness-inducing things you can explore? For practicing it? Maybe pick one thing every day. You can also pretend-imagine situations that would usually cause problems, and then "feel the feelings" as a practice to getting to be friends with them. I know I'm asking something that can be very uncomfortable, but I think you might find the rewards are worth it. But again, no rush! Also try to be nervous about real things. It's easy to make the mistake of getting anxious—about being anxious itself. That happens to me often and I find it so silly. I'm not sure if I'm explaining it well, sorry. Finally, when you're feeling nervous, what sort of thoughts are happening? Often, feelings of fear come with thoughts of danger. But, if you really pay attention, there's almost never any real danger, statistically, most of the time. Sorry to ramble.

Anyway, again, I'm so very proud of you both!

She got nervous because she's not used to being in control... it is only the second time she does it consciously and the first in public and with people, luckily that happened with my closest friends and everyone understood and supported her... I am encouraging and trying to get her to come out more, but it is something that cannot be controlled in a conscious way (or at least I still do not know how, in today's consultation they told us that they would begin to treat us with hypnosis)... I think like you, she must go out and experiment and learn to have her own life, although it scares her, over time I am sure she will get used to it and will be able to shine and be herself.

 

[ContinuousJump]

she thinks she's just a nuisance to me... but it's quite the opposite

Hmmm. I think there's some interesting insight here. I can't quite put my finger on it. In a way she's evaluating you and you're evaluating her... and each then is stating the actual circumstances are the opposite of what the other is thinking. I'm not sure where I'm going here, other than to say, there is some sort of pattern and I can't tell what function that pattern is serving.

it is only the second time she does it consciously and the first in public and with people,

Oh, I didn't realize! That then deserves a celebration.

luckily that happened with my closest friends and everyone understood and supported her...

So good to have friends like that!

the girl she says she met and who is her first friend of her own...

So, this is another interesting point. And of course, we want all of you to experience the freedoms and joys of a life of their own. On the other hand, becoming absolutist may not be best...

As you share that body, it may not be possible for each to have an unconditional life of their own. There will need to be continual compromise. Perhaps trying to maximize each ones joy and freedom? Again, I'm not educated enough to know what's the best path.

I'm happy for her, but at the same time I can't deny that that hurt me because I really liked her like I didn't like any girl for a while...

I'm sorry for that. My heart aches about that.

anyway, they are silly things that I must learn to overcome

At their own pace...

 

[Tintypographer]

I only know of this personality disorder through Mr Robot. Which is a good show

 

[Capsicum_Corral]

I have my opinion on many things and a lot of life experience.

So you already know what to expect from the standard human. The closer you look, the less tolerable they become.

 

[noaccount]

Here is a community resource for dissociative/multiple identity folks

Plural Pride Movement & Plural Pride Day | Kinhost dot Org

www.kinhost.org

This may be a particularly good jumping-in point, on better communication between 'parts':

United Front Boot Camp | Kinhost dot Org

If you want to improve internal relationships, build internal community, work on improving coconsciousness, or want a lightweight method of meeting and greeting new system members, this is a popular self-led 30+ article self-help bootcamp by the Crisses for new plural or DID (dissociative...

kinhost.org

Best luck. Rainbow heart emoji here.
(The personal agendas and assumptions made by "professionals" can be harmful as often as they're helpful, if someone here has had a good experience personally with "professional help" they're welcome to share it but this isn't a place to push that as a one-size-fits-all, or to assume that it's a safe option for everyone.)

 

[Death_the_kid]

Here is a community resource for dissociative/multiple identity folks

Plural Pride Movement & Plural Pride Day | Kinhost dot Org

www.kinhost.org

This may be a particularly good jumping-in point, on better communication between 'parts':

United Front Boot Camp | Kinhost dot Org

If you want to improve internal relationships, build internal community, work on improving coconsciousness, or want a lightweight method of meeting and greeting new system members, this is a popular self-led 30+ article self-help bootcamp by the Crisses for new plural or DID (dissociative...

kinhost.org

Best luck. Rainbow heart emoji here.
(The personal agendas and assumptions made by "professionals" can be harmful as often as they're helpful, if someone here has had a good experience personally with "professional help" they're welcome to share it but this isn't a place to push that as a one-size-fits-all, or to assume that it's a safe option for everyone.)

Yes i think that maybe could be double personality? But only a professional can say and help you the way you need It cause its a delicate and complicated issue.

Since i was a lurker of this forum i always think that @Dot was a really intelligent person for writing like she does, and at first glance i was like wtf? But It only take me a few seconds to understand what she was saying and then i think ooooh that Is cool, Is Like she was writing in encrypt lenguage or some computer programming style xD but now i know of her problem, dnt worry @Dot i was been judged too for my bad english before in this forum cause Is not my mother language, one guy or girl i dunno say me that i dnt should be here because all must speak english and that i must go away "you cartel rat" i say to the user that at least my english was good enough to make him upset and angry something he couldnt do in spanish so he Say "i dnt want to learn that dirty language" i know just well how to say "give me some nachos" (interesting fact: nachos are not mexican was an invention of U.S.A.) AND that everybody in this world must speak english
So dont fell bad Its very entertaining to read your messages <3

 

[whywere]

Hopefully I can give a little insight/help on this aspect. I am 65, reference point only for this post and have known that I am bi since like day1. Now my "parents" never wanted me ever so being bi just added fuel to the fire. At 18 I was kicked out and never heard from my family again, their choice, and I went on my way.

Now with the beginning said I came to a deep understanding within myself that we are all the same and not getting religious at all but in the "eyes" of a supreme being or whatever one constitutes as such, we are ALL ONE. No matter ANYTHING, color of skin, sexual orientation, ANYTHING period.

I remember back in the late 1970's, I was in a nightclub and a guy came up to me and called me very derogatory names with others standing around and for me that was a aha moment as far as knowing that there is so much more to this life (experience) than just labels.

You @edu0z are a loving and warm spirit and never let anyone tell you different than that. I spread my wings 40 some years ago and I never looked back, life is too short to try and conform to anyone's or societies ways or beliefs. BE YOU!!!

I consider you a great friend and never ever let anyone tell you that you are not a awesome soul with so much to give this world.

I believe in you 100%.

Have a great upcoming week and stay safe (away from Covid).

Walter