anonymousapple
Member
- Jul 3, 2020
- 59
I'm not entirely sure. I've had everything ready for the past 2 months, but I've been scared of the pain. I'm not even afraid of death, I just don't want a ton of pain, but whatever.
I already have 3 notes taped onto my desk: an explanation, a list of reasons to continue living (very short), and then a list of reasons to die (very long). I also have small notes taped onto all of my electronics listing what can be sold, for what price, and if there's anything that I want sent to friends.
Regardless of if I do it tonight or not, I'm gonna do it someday, it's really just inevitable. I don't know how to request a ban, or if you just mention it in a post, but can you ban my account within the next 6 hours or so? I don't want another news article to pop up saying "Evil suicide forum is the reason behind a suicide in this quiet neighborhood" like a day after my death. I heard a lot of those and I'm really tired of them. This place has HELPED me, it has in no way convinced me or had an influence on my decision to end my own life, and I just want that to be clear. I also took the label off of my bottle of SN, because I read in another thread that it's an important step. I'm not going to reply to this post, but I will be reading it for the next 10 minutes just to see if anyone has any concerns with my SN method, otherwise after the 10 minutes I'm gonna clear my history, delete the browser I used this site on, and see if I go through with it.
Anyway,
1 hour before: 600 mg ibuprofen
45 minutes before: 30 mg metoclopramide
30 minutes before: 400 mg tagamet
0: SN drink. I'm still not entirely sure if I should do 20 grams or 25 grams, because I have a slim build, about 150 pounds with a fast metabolism, but I'm sure I'll figure it out.
I really wanted anxiety meds, but I was already exhausted from having to lie to a doctor to get a meto prescription. Instead, I'm hoping that playing a rhythm game (Persona 5 Dancing) or just a video game in general, will help distract me enough before and after I take the SN. I was going to do a lot of things before my SN, like take a big roadtrip and make a video explaining some things, but honestly, I lost the motivation for all of that and crippling social anxiety has made me trap myself in my room. I literally can't even step outside my room without heavily dissociating, but, hey, at least I got a platinum trophy in Persona 5 Royal right before the end ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
a list of reasons: depression and anhedonia, severe borderline personality disorder, potential schizophrenia developing, social anxiety, social awkwardness, social ineptitude, and a few others.
I mean, we all die anyway. i might as well choose to go out in the way that i want to. i broke up with my girlfriend, cut off ties with nearly all of my friends, and i'm completely ready to get this over with. there's literally nothing waiting for me in life. I'm not going to become some successful businessman who, for once, is empathetic and uses his money and power to try and make good changes in the world and the systems we have in place. Maybe I would have, if bullying didn't completely obliterate my studies and motivation to continue learning, but, well, here we are. At the end of the day, the people in power want to do nothing to change the way things are because it would stop benefitting them. We'll just continue living in a society that everyday becomes more and more about making money for big corporations rather than pooling resources to make everyone happy.
one last thing, nads (you know who you are), if you're still alive and reading this, you were an amazing friend <3 if you really are gone, I hope wherever you are is better than the hellhole I'm still living in.
I already have 3 notes taped onto my desk: an explanation, a list of reasons to continue living (very short), and then a list of reasons to die (very long). I also have small notes taped onto all of my electronics listing what can be sold, for what price, and if there's anything that I want sent to friends.
Regardless of if I do it tonight or not, I'm gonna do it someday, it's really just inevitable. I don't know how to request a ban, or if you just mention it in a post, but can you ban my account within the next 6 hours or so? I don't want another news article to pop up saying "Evil suicide forum is the reason behind a suicide in this quiet neighborhood" like a day after my death. I heard a lot of those and I'm really tired of them. This place has HELPED me, it has in no way convinced me or had an influence on my decision to end my own life, and I just want that to be clear. I also took the label off of my bottle of SN, because I read in another thread that it's an important step. I'm not going to reply to this post, but I will be reading it for the next 10 minutes just to see if anyone has any concerns with my SN method, otherwise after the 10 minutes I'm gonna clear my history, delete the browser I used this site on, and see if I go through with it.
Anyway,
1 hour before: 600 mg ibuprofen
45 minutes before: 30 mg metoclopramide
30 minutes before: 400 mg tagamet
0: SN drink. I'm still not entirely sure if I should do 20 grams or 25 grams, because I have a slim build, about 150 pounds with a fast metabolism, but I'm sure I'll figure it out.
I really wanted anxiety meds, but I was already exhausted from having to lie to a doctor to get a meto prescription. Instead, I'm hoping that playing a rhythm game (Persona 5 Dancing) or just a video game in general, will help distract me enough before and after I take the SN. I was going to do a lot of things before my SN, like take a big roadtrip and make a video explaining some things, but honestly, I lost the motivation for all of that and crippling social anxiety has made me trap myself in my room. I literally can't even step outside my room without heavily dissociating, but, hey, at least I got a platinum trophy in Persona 5 Royal right before the end ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
a list of reasons: depression and anhedonia, severe borderline personality disorder, potential schizophrenia developing, social anxiety, social awkwardness, social ineptitude, and a few others.
I mean, we all die anyway. i might as well choose to go out in the way that i want to. i broke up with my girlfriend, cut off ties with nearly all of my friends, and i'm completely ready to get this over with. there's literally nothing waiting for me in life. I'm not going to become some successful businessman who, for once, is empathetic and uses his money and power to try and make good changes in the world and the systems we have in place. Maybe I would have, if bullying didn't completely obliterate my studies and motivation to continue learning, but, well, here we are. At the end of the day, the people in power want to do nothing to change the way things are because it would stop benefitting them. We'll just continue living in a society that everyday becomes more and more about making money for big corporations rather than pooling resources to make everyone happy.
one last thing, nads (you know who you are), if you're still alive and reading this, you were an amazing friend <3 if you really are gone, I hope wherever you are is better than the hellhole I'm still living in.
