I think I’m finally done

[dogdrool]

I'm tired. I'm genuinely so exhausted. I don't have any friends left, I fuck up and sabotage all of my relationships and that's left me with nothing. I lost my friends of 7 years because I needed to take some time to myself for a few months and it seems like they never even cared in the first place. My apologies are being left on read and I've been shut out.

I feel so disconnected from my appearance, mind and body as-well as my life in general. It feels like everybody besides me has a life, even if they don't know what they're doing with it. I used to love art, I've known since I was so young that I'd be an artist and now I don't give a fuck about it, nothing seems worth it anymore. I have nightmares and I cut myself and I can't cope by myself. When I look in the mirror, I don't even see someone I recognise. I'm familiar and comfortable but in a way that feels distant, like a video game avatar.
I've tried reaching out for help but it makes no difference.

My mum is suicidal and I've watched so many friends die to and attempt suicide. I tried 3 times last year and bailed every time because I'm a coward who fears death. I need to get over it.

I'm about to go into my second semester of my second year in university and I really don't think I can do it.

I don't actively want to kill myself right now which is what frustrates me the most. I just can't do it, I'm genuinely so tired and lonely and isolated and overwhelmed and stressed. I've asked for help so many times but nobody will take me seriously. I just want to kill myself out of spite at this point.

 

[dogdrool]

Just gonna add to this because I already have a few posts going around right now and I don't wanna make a new one.

I'm genuinely struggling so much. I keep trying to make things better and it feels like I'm constantly failing, I don't think I've ever been so lonely in my life. I just spend my evenings crying because I miss all the relationships I ruined and wasn't forgiven for. I've told people how isolated I feel but nobody has time.

None of this feels worth it, not at all. I don't look at things and think they're beautiful anymore, I don't enjoy things, I can't uphold friendships. Everybody is too busy and nobody truly cares about me. I've tried asking for help in so many ways. I just sit in my room feeling empty and isolated and upset. I wish people would forgive me and support me the way I try to for others. I like to think if the friends I've lost really understood that I was this close to the edge that they'd run back to help me.


I really really hope I feel actively suicidal again. I think about it every single day. I want to get that insatiable itch to travel to my location and throw myself on the rails. I don't care anymore

 

[itsgone2]

I'm genuinely struggling so much. I keep trying to make things better and it feels like I'm constantly failing, I don't think I've ever been so lonely in my life

Sorry. Just want to say I'm with. Lots of us in a similar spot. I hate it too. Every day is the same nightmare

I wish I could do something to end this for us. Everyone suffering really