I think I want to live

[Railiah P]

I have wanted to CTB for a very long time but I never had the guts to do it. Recently I have been fighting an internal conflict of wanting to die but still wanting to live. I have come to the conclusion that I don’t really want to CTB but I don’t want to live this life anymore. I want a better life. I am starting to have hope that maybe I can live a better life. I’m afraid that i might CTB the day before my life changes for the better. I’m lost. I want to recover and live happily ever after but I don’t want to deal with pro lifers or their short sighted treatment options.

 

[Pookie]

It’s great that you’re giving yourself a second chance. I wish you all the best.

 

[Soulless Angel]

take time from this forum, go find yourself, search for that better option then ctb, and go with it. If you want to recover, you don't have to deal with pro lifers, they do not need to know where you have been in your mind, find long term, seek support from professionals who will take you where you want to go with out ramming other crap down your throat.

What ever you do I wish you the best in your tomorrow and I hope you find the recovery

 

[timf]

It sounds like to are getting a more clear view of your future. This perspective usually starts to come into focus when one starts to take manual control of their life. Ideation both positive and negative tend to fade as one tackles the mundane details of reality and daily living.

There is a satisfaction that can come from experimenting with life and finding paths that work. It can help to give yourself credit for getting this far.

 

[AutoTap]

I completely understand. I wish you luck on your journey! :)

 

[Mentalmick]

Nobody ever wants to ctb, they feel they have no other choice left to them because the pain has become unbearable. It truly is the saddest most lonely way for a life to end. So if you've found a way through that and think you can make a go of it then grab on and don't let go.

 

[justsad&done]

Hope is very valuable and a blessing. If you have hope, hold onto it and do everything you can to lift yourself up and live a better life. I wish you the best.
Well said @Mentalmick

 

[muffin222]

I'm so happy to hear you're wanting to fight and give life another chance! You're very brave and courageous for that. I sincerely wish the very best with your recovery, and I hope that things begin to brighten and turn in your favor very soon

 

[Railiah P]

take time from this forum, go find yourself, search for that better option then ctb, and go with it. If you want to recover, you don't have to deal with pro lifers, they do not need to know where you have been in your mind, find long term, seek support from professionals who will take you where you want to go with out ramming other crap down your throat.

What ever you do I wish you the best in your tomorrow and I hope you find the recovery

Thanks for that advice I was wondering if maybe I should try to give SS a break for a bit. I will admit that I feel more welcome here then I do anyplace else on the internet. I usually keep a tab open with SS already logged in. Maybe I’ll close it for a while.

 

[UiopQwerty]

I have this feeling constantly. I wanna live! And in the next breath. I wanna die!
So far there has been no pause for me. As soon there are some positive things
in my life there comes the bad weather...

At the moment SS will be my break from that feeling.