Help I think I want to CTB, but I’m afraid

[maxoffline]

Everything is really fucking hard, man
I struggle with BPD, that alone makes me wanna CTB.
But sometimes I like life. It's torture to think about. If I just ended it I wouldn't have to deal with the endless cycle of BPD, but if I CTB I won't get to experience the good things in life ever again.

 

[keg-ireland]

Everything is really fucking hard, man
I struggle with BPD, that alone makes me wanna CTB.
But sometimes I like life. It's torture to think about. If I just ended it I wouldn't have to deal with the endless cycle of BPD, but if I CTB I won't get to experience the good things in life ever again.

It seems you still have some hope there, which is a good thing. Perhaps, you are best giving recovery one last big attempt and see how you get on.

Whatever you decide, I support you and understand the torture you are going through.

 

[Agon321]

Welcome to the world between life and death.
That's what I call wanting to CTB but not having the confidence to do it. To put it very simply.

"But sometimes I like life."
This sentence means that you are not yet completely convinced about your final decision.
That's probably a good thing.
This means that you can still enjoy life sometimes and look for the positives on this planet.

Don't put pressure on yourself that you have to CTB.
No you do not have to.
It's entirely your decision and if you reach a wall in your life that you can't break down, then you can consider CTB (but even then you don't have to CTB).
Judging by what you write, you are not in such a situation at the moment.

Enjoy the good moments in life while you can.
We will all die, but we can delay it and enjoy the good side of this reality.
Good luck.

 

[ferrie]

Everything is really fucking hard, man
I struggle with BPD, that alone makes me wanna CTB.
But sometimes I like life. It's torture to think about. If I just ended it I wouldn't have to deal with the endless cycle of BPD, but if I CTB I won't get to experience the good things in life ever again.

I have BPD as well, and while I'm set on ctbing, I think it is possible to live a good life with BPD if you can find ways to manage it that work for you. Don't let a diagnosis be the reason you ctb. If you're not entirely sure that you want to ctb, then don't do it now. Give yourself time to try to experience the good things in life. You can always make the choice down the road to ctb, there's no deadline for it, but don't make it now if you might have regrets