I think I need help about self harm and suicide

[sushisushi12]

Hello, I am new here, I don't really know how the site works, it's my first time on a forum, I hope there is no problem with my thread.

I've been in depression for a month now and I got medication from the psychiatrist, antidepressants and antipsychotic medication, to prevent me from self harming. I also suffer from anxiety. I started self-harming 4 years ago, and stopped. Then when I started to feel bad again a month ago I did it again, with sewing scissors. I felt really good but I needed always more, so I had the courage to go buy razor blades, and the feeling when the blade cut my skin, the blood flows from my body, I really love it and I want more. And I have time, because I cannot go to school because of my anxiety, and I am following a school course particularly difficult, so people at my school don't care about me. About a week ago I decided that I wanted to die, I want to bleed out, to cut the veins of my wrists. But something is preventing me from doing it, even if I don't really care that there is people that care about me in my surroundings, I cannot die now, I don't know why.

Thanks for reading me, and I hope that all of you can find peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

Cutting wrists really isn't recommended if one wishes to succeed with suicide, it has a
less than 2% success rate. But anyway, when it comes to suicide only you know when the time is right for you to leave this world and after all suicide isn't something that isn't always easy to go through with regardless of the method. I wish you the best, and while I've never been into self harm, I understand that for other people it can make existing more bearable.

 

[sushisushi12]

Thanks for your reply, I know about the success rate, but i can't think of another way, maybe swallowing all my medications at the same time, I don't know. Thanks a lot, maybe one day will be the day.

 

[redbathingduck]

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through depression. You mentioned that you have been in depression for a month now and got antidepressants, what type of antidepressants did you get if you don't mind me asking? A lot of antidepressants can take quite a while before they take effect. As FuneralCry mentioned, cutting wrists is a particularly bad method because of the low success rate and it sounds (correct me if I'm wrong) like you still live at home so there's a good chance you'd be found and got treated if necessary. Besides that it's also really painful of course though that can't be avoided with certain methods

You said you decided that you wanted to die a week ago but I think it might be good to be a bit more patient and not rush to irreversible decisions. Your pain is valid and I understand that it's really tough but it's not a decision one should take lightly or impulsively

 

[sushisushi12]

My psychiatrist told me to wait 2-3 weeks, I have paroxetine xanax and quetiapine. Again, I know it's a bad method, really painful, but i want to suffer, and I want my family to suffer. I know it can sound ridiculous to want to die after only a month, but this is how I feel, I can't help it.

 

[Shadowlord900]

My psychiatrist told me to wait 2-3 weeks, I have paroxetine xanax and quetiapine. Again, I know it's a bad method, really painful, but i want to suffer, and I want my family to suffer. I know it can sound ridiculous to want to die after only a month, but this is how I feel, I can't help it.

If you don't mind me asking, do you care much for any lasting damage you may do to yourself while self-harming or attempting to CTB? Because while it is possible to CTB off of certain antidepressant drugs, it's very unreliable and also far more unpleasant compared to say, overdosing on a barbiturate or opioid. Some people have managed to CTB off of quetiapine from as little as 10.8g while others have survived taking an overdose up to 36g.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4982457/

Also a lot of people in general when going for drug overdoses, greatly underestimate how much of said drug they'd need to take for any decent chance of CTBing if at all possible.

 

[closemyeyes]

I've been in depression for a month now and I got medication from the psychiatrist, antidepressants and antipsychotic medication, to prevent me from self harming. I also suffer from anxiety. I started self-harming 4 years ago, and stopped. Then when I started to feel bad again a month ago I did it again, with sewing scissors. I felt really good but I needed always more, so I had the courage to go buy razor blades, and the feeling when the blade cut my skin, the blood flows from my body, I really love it and I want more. And I have time, because I cannot go to school because of my anxiety, and I am following a school course particularly difficult, so people at my school don't care about me. About a week ago I decided that I wanted to die, I want to bleed out, to cut the veins of my wrists. But something is preventing me from doing it, even if I don't really care that there is people that care about me in my surroundings, I cannot die now, I don't know why.

I won't try to get into the validity of your reasons, everyone's reasons are valid if they feel valid to them. But I'll not recommend cutting wrists, the chance of reaching the end goal is much lesser than cutting tendons and losing mobility or worse.

Since you're not scared of cutting yourself or squeamish about blood (most people are), I'd suggest going for femoral or carotid - both are quite accessible and have a much higher chance than wrists. And most drugs available at home are definitely not the recommended way to CTB, though they might aid the process.

 

[sushisushi12]

If you don't mind me asking, do you care much for any lasting damage you may do to yourself while self-harming or attempting to CTB? Because while it is possible to CTB off of certain antidepressant drugs, it's very unreliable and also far more unpleasant compared to say, overdosing on a barbiturate or opioid. Some people have managed to CTB off of quetiapine from as little as 10.8g while others have survived taking an overdose up to 36g.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4982457/

Also a lot of people in general when going for drug overdoses, greatly underestimate how much of said drug they'd need to take for any decent chance of CTBing if at all possible.

I did not even think about any lasting damage, I knew i could OD with quetiapine but yeah i thought it would need more medicine than I have, because I am young and quite tall, it is difficult to CTB with my medecine and I don't really want to do it. That is why I want to bleed out, I will surely be found before dying but i don't lose anything. And honestly, I thought and I still think my medicine can help me, but they made my condition worse for now

 

[Shadowlord900]

I did not even think about any lasting damage, I knew i could OD with quetiapine but yeah i thought it would need more medicine than I have, because I am young and quite tall, it is difficult to CTB with my medecine and I don't really want to do it. That is why I want to bleed out, I will surely be found before dying but i don't lose anything. And honestly, I thought and I still think my medicine can help me, but they made my condition worse for now

If you was hoping medication can help solve your mental problems, they can't, it's all a big con. All such things like antidepressants really do is dull your senses.

The only drug that I think can really make you feel 'happier' is opioids, but I wouldn't recommend using opioids just to get high. You'll get addicted, build up a tolerance to them and end up needing more of them and get withdrawal symptoms if you don't.

If you're really serious about wanting to CTB, I'd recommend looking into different methods. It's very, very difficult to pull off CTBing from cutting yourself, because you'll most likely just pass out before you can do enough cuts that would actually give you a decent chance of CTBing from blood loss.

 

[Galileo3630]

Suicide by bleed out won't really work, I've attempted numerous times and all that is left is me with my shitty life and scarred wrists that people always ask me about, lol.

 

[sushisushi12]

Thanks for your replies, I will think about it and maybe try another method.