thecolourgold
night night coming soon. ❤️
- Apr 22, 2023
- 100
My carotid artery.
Alright this is gonna be a long post, regarding night night and partial.
For weeks I've been attempting, no luck. I've been really suffering…. It might not even be the end tonight. I have no money and no way for transport so no access to sn or n or f or many other methods. But I have a bit of hope. I have tried a bunch of different ways around my neck. I saw the picture of the woman who tied a knot in the front of the scarf. I thought I was too fat, or my facial hair was making it harder to find. I also have a big head haha.
Before I share what ended up working for me, and what it felt like, I want to explicitly say this is a self harm method and I am not suggesting anyone do this. I'm just sharing my journey and story.
After weeks, I recently moved to a new strangulation tool, a scarf. I tied the knots in lots of different positions, tightened it at the back of my neck and nothing worked. It felt like I couldn't get it to stay high enough on my neck? I was trying to find a way to get the knot high enough, eventually, I got it. I put the back of the scarf over the back-top part of my head. Like straight up on top of my skull haha? I was standing when I did it. I felt so much fucking euphoria, I could still breathe and swallow, my eyesight was almost blinking white…. Just thinking about it is making my eyes water. I was standing there thinking, what do I do? Do I just let myself pass out? Do I go to bed? Should I lay on the floor? Then honestly, I realized the placement working was really interesting so I thought I should come on here and share with you all.
A bit of a personal vent…. There is someone who was supposed to be at my home tonight so that I wasn't alone. They are out instead. I'm very happy I've figured this out, and I'm glad they're with friends to make this night easier for them. But I do feel a bit bad. They have a very traditional view on suicide and I'm worried they will think this is their fault. It isn't. This could've happened any of the times I attempted. If it doesn't work this could happen tomorrow, or in a week. But I am trying again tonight, and I am hopeful.
User darkdays has been a great friend :)
User PER ARDUA AD ASTRA's name made me look up that quote. If the world is right, and it really does get better, one day, I will tattoo that quote on myself. It's really stuck with me and I think it's great. Thank you for sharing the name with us.
Hopefully, goodnight everyone. If I don't post by the end of the month I'm gone.
EDIT
I realized I didn't explain in detail. Scarf goes under my jaw line, at pretty much the bottom of facial hair line. It goes around the top of my head like a bonnet haha. The slip is on top. There are two knots at the bottom, for me, they're probably an inch and a half apart, to hit carotids.
Alright this is gonna be a long post, regarding night night and partial.
For weeks I've been attempting, no luck. I've been really suffering…. It might not even be the end tonight. I have no money and no way for transport so no access to sn or n or f or many other methods. But I have a bit of hope. I have tried a bunch of different ways around my neck. I saw the picture of the woman who tied a knot in the front of the scarf. I thought I was too fat, or my facial hair was making it harder to find. I also have a big head haha.
Before I share what ended up working for me, and what it felt like, I want to explicitly say this is a self harm method and I am not suggesting anyone do this. I'm just sharing my journey and story.
After weeks, I recently moved to a new strangulation tool, a scarf. I tied the knots in lots of different positions, tightened it at the back of my neck and nothing worked. It felt like I couldn't get it to stay high enough on my neck? I was trying to find a way to get the knot high enough, eventually, I got it. I put the back of the scarf over the back-top part of my head. Like straight up on top of my skull haha? I was standing when I did it. I felt so much fucking euphoria, I could still breathe and swallow, my eyesight was almost blinking white…. Just thinking about it is making my eyes water. I was standing there thinking, what do I do? Do I just let myself pass out? Do I go to bed? Should I lay on the floor? Then honestly, I realized the placement working was really interesting so I thought I should come on here and share with you all.
A bit of a personal vent…. There is someone who was supposed to be at my home tonight so that I wasn't alone. They are out instead. I'm very happy I've figured this out, and I'm glad they're with friends to make this night easier for them. But I do feel a bit bad. They have a very traditional view on suicide and I'm worried they will think this is their fault. It isn't. This could've happened any of the times I attempted. If it doesn't work this could happen tomorrow, or in a week. But I am trying again tonight, and I am hopeful.
User darkdays has been a great friend :)
User PER ARDUA AD ASTRA's name made me look up that quote. If the world is right, and it really does get better, one day, I will tattoo that quote on myself. It's really stuck with me and I think it's great. Thank you for sharing the name with us.
Hopefully, goodnight everyone. If I don't post by the end of the month I'm gone.
EDIT
I realized I didn't explain in detail. Scarf goes under my jaw line, at pretty much the bottom of facial hair line. It goes around the top of my head like a bonnet haha. The slip is on top. There are two knots at the bottom, for me, they're probably an inch and a half apart, to hit carotids.
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