So the last time I've had a lot of anxiety about failing ctb, being incarcerated in a mental hospital and sent back to my family. But after reconsidering it, I think it may be a good option for me. As a mentally ill person I'll be free from any social affairs like education, work and mandatory conscription which is great for me as I'm socially inept and quite introverted. My mom has been unemployed for the last 10 years or so to this day and has been living off my grandma's pension so I'll just tell her I can't do any work and I'm going to follow her in this way. She can be unreasonably aggressive to me sometimes but she'll understand me this time I think. Even if she tries to harm me in some way, I can always cope with alcohol and pills. A good price to pay for being free from work.
That said, I feel much more confident in attempting to ctb because I know what awaits me if I fail this (I don't want to fail ofc, but I have realistic view on things and I know I often fail miserably). I will probably attempt ctb tomorrow morning if I manage to stay awake and not to screw anything up. I'm gonna make a thread about it I think, after preparing all the essentials and getting ready.
Hope you understand what I meant by this. Cheers.
That said, I feel much more confident in attempting to ctb because I know what awaits me if I fail this (I don't want to fail ofc, but I have realistic view on things and I know I often fail miserably). I will probably attempt ctb tomorrow morning if I manage to stay awake and not to screw anything up. I'm gonna make a thread about it I think, after preparing all the essentials and getting ready.
Hope you understand what I meant by this. Cheers.
